Apophallation
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Apophallation is variety of fellatio first observed in a certain species of slugs in which the apophallator chews off the penis of the apophallatee.
Although apophallation can only be considered a true apophallation if the member is completely severed from the body of its host, scientists now recognize the existence of a partial apophallation (PA) due to the increasing body of evidence demonstrating that, more often than not, attempted apophallation, (AA) is not successful, especially when human males are involved.
This started to become wide spread in the late 1940's when soldiers returning from tours of duty overseas returned requesting their girlfriends and wives to try pleasurable new techniques which they had learned in foreign lands. Evidently something was lost in the translation or explanation of the practice that the occurrence of PAs skyrocketed to alarming proportions in the post world-war II days. In the mid 1950's an organization named AA was started to help persons deal with the trauma experienced from these failed attempts.
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[edit] Evolution
Ever since the global publicity which surrounded the Christina Bobbit event in which she became famous for throwing her boyfriend's penis out from her car on the freeway, reconstructive surgeons have become increasingly aware of the number of AA's which are admitted to hospitals seeking emergency attention after an aborted attempt at apophallation(AAAA).
The study of the AAAA phenomena has resulted in the division of the cases into aborted attempts at actual apophallation (AAAAA) and accidental aborted acting attempts at apophallation (AAAAAA). This division became necessary when it became apparent that the AAAAAAs which almost exclusively occurred in the production of pornographic movies far exceeded the AAAAAs which are covered by standard medical insurance policies whereas the variety which occurred in the process of producing a movie was excluded and therefore was billable to the production company as a work hazard.
[edit] Industry
From its humble beginnings under a log somewhere in a hidden forest, apophallation has grown into an important and lucrative industry due to the residual value of the penises liberated in the process.
The first recorded secondary use of a liberated penis (LP) is attributed to a late 20th century pianist Liberace, who used his own LP as an adornment on his piano to prevent sheet music from scattering when he performed in open air concerts.
The next stage in the commercialization of LP's was the use of the LP as a model for still life drawings and paintings in night school classes to teach art when students found that live models were not capable of maintaining an erection until all of the class were finished with their preliminary sketches. Even at this stage, art supply industry sources estimate that annual sales of LPs rarely exceeded 125 units largely due to their high cost when compared to wax bananas and grapes.
The event which launched LPs into a full fledged industrial product was a complete accident which occurred in the summer of 1972 when a frustrated art student at San Francisco's Academy of Arts hurled an LP which she was attempting to sketch out the window into the street, where a delivery van was unloading a shipment for the Love Shoppe located directly below the art academy. The manager of the store mistook the LP for a dildo which had fallen out of its package and put it on sale as such.
The unsuspecting customer of that dildo, was so enthralled by the superior qualities of this over the regular rubber or plastic versions that she returned to purchase more. When it became apparent that this was not a normal every-day variety common dildo (CD), the store owner, in cooperation with the customer embarked on a lengthy investigation which led to the discovery of its true nature and source. Today LPs have become the preferred choice over CDs and it is common to see classified ads in many major newspapers all around the world offering to pay top prices for LPs.
At first the primary source of LPs came from men who were planning to undergo sex-change surgery and the value obtained from the sale of his own member made an important contribution to the overall cost.
[edit] Organized gangs
The price paid, even on the wholesale market for LPs has reached such elevated levels that organized collector gangs have evolved to harvest these highly valued prizes, even though many governments have outlawed the sale of them.
- One popular scheme involves an attractive female who invites an unsuspecting male victim to a "party" in a hotel or motel room which has been rented under an assumed name. When the victim arrives he is plied with alcohol and drugs until he becomes unconscious, then one of the team members apophallates him and he is left in a bathtub filled with ice cubes with a telephone placed within arms reach. When the victim awakes he is usually too weak to leave the bathtub but is able to use the phone to summons help and emergency medical attention.
[edit] Government regulation
Following hysterical outcries from involuntary apophallation victims (IAV) many governments passed laws to prohibit the sale of LPs which only served to further escalate their scarcity and drive the harvest of them underground.
States like New York have made the sale of LPs into a simple misdemeanor punishable by a fine of $20.00 on the first offense, whereas Texas considers the act to be a capital offence, with a maximum penalty of decapitation obligatory for any repeat offender.
Health insurance companies' screening of applicants by asking applicants about their Aborted Attempt At Apophallation History has become so routine that most doctors ask their patients to declare their history (say "AAAAH") in even the most elementary examinations. Nurses and hospital aides are required to take abstinence pledges before they are certified, and even operators of waste disposal facilities which collect refuse from hospitals and clinics are required to have special clearance in some states.
In Canada and the United Kingdom where national medical attention is available free for residents, immigration authorities pre-screen arrivals from North American on international scheduled air carriers to determine if they have any existing indication of AA through using X-ray and ultrasound scanners which sound an alarm if the base external diameter (BED) is less than 85 percent of the SAD (Shaft's average diameter). This screening technique was implemented after a World Health Organization (WHO)study of AAs revealed that low BEDs were always a primary factor in apophallation whether successful or not.
Anthropologists are showing considerable interest in early apophallation techniques (EAT) especially in those cultures where circumcision is prevalent. It is believed that today's practice of circumcision grew from the practice of giving the child a mark of courage without the child being exposed to any real danger.
- The prevalente hypothesis is that circumcision started as an accidental result of a slightly retarded withdrawal from an apophallation game in which the object of the game was to insert one's penis into the open mouth of an opponent and on a given signal completely withdraw it from the opponent's mouth before it was bitten off. The resulting loss of skin came to be worn as a "badge of honor" much as facial scars were displayed by mediaeval swordsmen.
[edit] Pop culture
Two, four, six, eight:
What do we appreciate?
Apophallate, Apophallate. --popular cheerleader chant.
- In 1947 Ginger Rodgers and Fred Astair starred in the movie I'm in the Mood for Apophallation.
- 1968 The Rolling Stones was the first group to sell over a million single records with its recording of (Can't get no) Apophallation!
- 1993 Stephen Spielbergs picture ET featured the first apophallated alien on the big screen. In a later movie Star Wars we were introduced to Hollywood's version of an alien apophallator, Chewbacca.
