Appendicitis
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“I wasn't expecting it to just explode like that.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Appendicitis
Appendicitis is an inflammation of the appendix, a cluster of hairs inside the left nostril of most adult American men.
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[edit] Indications
- A tendency to insert objects into the opposing nostril
- Huffing kittens
- Profuse swearing
- Unrealistically increased libido (i.e. desiring sex with air molecules)
- Rectal bleeding
[edit] Causes
Appendicitis has been linked to the following potential causes:
- "Picking" too deeply
- Huffing kittens
- Exhaling
- Attempting to cross the street where there is not a crosswalk
- Inserting one too many extraneous chapters into the end of a book
[edit] Treatments
No treatment is yet 100% effective for appendicitis, as most cases are fatal, resulting in a general rotting of the patient from the nose outward. There are, however, several experimental treatments that have been clinically proven to have absolutely no effect on appendicitis:
- Nasal implants
- Alien implants
- Michael Jackson
- pr0n
- Monetary gains from the sale of pr0n
- pr0n gains from the sale of money
- Physician consultation
[edit] What to do if you have Appendicitis
- Stop, drop, and roll
- Prostrate yourself before the almighty Stimpy
- Just keep your darned finger out of there
