Apples

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Apples may refer to:

• Some kind of disease, the kind that you get when you're visiting your friend's house, and then you run into the younger, wilder sister and then this-and-that leads to a disconcerting condition that you're later looking up on the internet to see if your private parts will fall off.
• The favorite snack of a Shinigami (Japanese for "Death Gods"). As Ryuk the Shinigami would certainly say, "apples are how humans say juicy".
• A giant pie-shaped galaxy run by Bono of "popular" "rock" group U2, excitedly running into the blue Earth and exterminating all persons who retain intelligent thought throughout. Be wary of those who say that Apple products are perfect in relation to other technology products. Such people are most likely infected, and will spread their disease to you, your family, and even your grandparents. Just like your friend's sister did. And you know how itchy that can be. And I love apples so much...they are good to eat and Kara likes to eat them all the time!
• Apples taste good with cheese...and bullets...and beware of oranges...and people. There were was this wonderful apple tree in this garden of delights. This man and this woman picked those juicy apples and started chomping. Then there were horrendous, nasty problems for Adam and Eve.
• Sir Isaac Newton was almost killed once while sitting under a tree by an unexpected avalanche of apples. He coined the phrase "apples and pears" and this marked the beginning of a revolutionary form of conversation called Cockney Rhyme. This was initially reserved to only be spoken by the elite graduates of Cambridge University, it soon became as popular as the broach and continues to influence British Parliment discussions today.