Arab-Israeli Conflict

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Arab-Israeli Conflict (الصراع العربي الأسرائيلي)
Part of The Cold War
Date 3000 B.C.-Still Ongoing
Location Dead Sea
Result Ongoing
Combatants
Israel flag.PNGThe Axis: Palestine flag.PNGThe Allies "Arab League":
Commanders
Everyone The Smart Ones
Strength
Capable of raging Thermo-Nuclear Warfare against the Western Civilizations Jack-in-the-box type heavy guerilla strategy makes it like Black Hawk Down
Casualties
Only God Knows Only God Knows

“The Palestinians are the Forgottens Sons of the Middle East Desert rubble heaps. The Jews are the Remembered Fathers of it”

~ Lawrence of Arabia on Arab-Israeli Conflict


“Was it something I said?”

~ Adolf Hitler on Arab-Israeli Conflict
Palestinian's flag: Red star relates to their association between Soviet Union.
Zionist's flag: white strip in the center indicates their eternal dream to become the member of white people.

The Arab-Israeli Conflict is a long-running philosophical conflict regarding the existence of Arabs and Israelis. One philosophical school of thought holds that Palestinians do not exist, while the opposing school of thought holds that Israelis should not exist. Some fringe groups, normally considered quacks, think that they both can co-exist. But mainstream physics holds that this violates the law of conservation of energy, as much more energy is required to keep them from fighting than anyone is willing to expend. Fighting against Israel is going on in every Arab nation.

The origin of this conflict is a squabble over a piece of land historically known as the land of Kaanan. This place is commonly considered to be the Rectum of the World, but since the Jews claim it as their heritage, the Arabs want it more than anything, and the Catholics go on dreaming about it although they haven't been there in ages.

One school of historians simply blame the English for fucking up the whole area, bearing similarities to events in former British colonies in North America and the Indian subcontinent.

History[edit]

Two breeds of jew : Ashkenatzim and microSephalic, one posing for the camera the other just being jewish.
America's Road Map to Peace
In one aborted UN attempt to solve the conflict a series of fights to the death were held between a randomly matched Israeli (center) and Palestinian (center). It was soon realized that the number of such matches required to solve the conflict was prohibitively expensive.

Originally, this land belonged to the dinosaurs. However, when the first Jews came, they outsmarted the dinosaurs, and brought them into financial submission. In fact, during the original Israeli reign, it was not uncommon to see a Jew riding his stegosaurus-employee down the street. This was, of course, until the dinosaurs got so sick of listening the perpetual whining that they committed a mass suicide and ended the cretaceous period. Shortly after, the Arabs came. Outnumbered, the Jews decided to ship out to Europe, and take control of the continent’s financial assets.

After the holocaust, the Jews returned to Israel, established a nation and named it… Israel. Within 24 hours of this, a coalition of Arabic troops attacked and the Jews defeated them. The shocking truth of the matter is that the Arabic defeat was not, as predicted, a financial overtaking, but a legitimate military defeat overwhelmingly wrecked upon the Arabs by giant American forces (most belonging to the Messianic Baptist Heavenly Gospel Church). At this time they also brutally captured the Palestinian people, which is a nationality made up in 1948 to be used for propaganda against Israel that has lived in that land for millenia.

Military analyst Harriet Tubman explains:

Nobody knew that Jews could fight. There are two major theories as to how such a small number of them were capable of winning against such a large and powerful coalition. The first one is that Jews, despite being whiny and good with numbers actually are good fighters, because the Americans supplied all the shit they have to the Jews. The second explanation is that despite any direct evidence, the whole thing somehow probably ties back to finances anyway. Most of my colleagues favor the first explanation, but from the culture that dances to ‘Hava Nagila’, I’m going to have to go with the latter.

Israeli-Arabic conflict has continued ever since, but all that has really emerged from this are some shitty new terms in Yiddish. Lately Israel has proposed a "Final Solution" to the problem: Wipe out every single nation on the face of the Earth with a nuclear holocaust that will last 40 days and nights until only Israel is left. It is rumored that the holocaust is planned to active in December 23, 2012. However, they have assured western nations that they'll kill all the Arabs first and will, "Kill you all later!" Since George Dubya Bush is an imbecile he agrees to this. Since George Dubya Bush has been replaced by some dork with "Hussein" in his name, Hugo Chavez thinks HAARP will finish the job. Of course, everyone might kill everyone else, but that's just a theory.

Another way to look at it[edit]

It is a mythical story, told by angry parents in order to frighten their children. However, recent research has proven that this conflict may actually exist, which was a phenomenal discovery and has shocked the world of science.

Road map to Peace - The Director's Cut[edit]

A lesser known "Director's Cut" release of the Road Map to Peace was distributed in 1998 by William J Clinton. On the insistence of the muffled cigar filled voice emanating from underneath the Oval Office desk, he penned Clause 4B.233.2 which states "Let us nuke everything from Morocco to Pakistan for fun"

This clause was later deleted from the published version. It is rumoured that George Dubya Bush has a surviving copy of it available and is working towards the goal stated in the clause. However, progress has been severely hampered without the muffled cigar filled voice emanating from beneath his Oval Office Desk.

Strength[edit]

Both sides have unique advantages on strategy to trick out the strayed soldiers and turn them into POWs, for nothing but the ransoms excuse for another battle additional acts on Adult Videos.

Israelis[edit]

  • Oouuzee infantry - a normal kick ass soldier.
  • "Merkava" Mk.4 - a normal tank with depleted Uranium shells.
  • F-111 "Raven" - a normal plane that can shut the fuck up the enemy radar system.
  • F-22 "King Raptor" - a normal stealth jet that fire without sounds.
  • ICBM - a normal nuke.
  • Bulldozers - unarmed but a threat.
  • MatzoSmatzoBallerz Strong israeli solders who need a dose of matzo ballz to kill.

Palestinians[edit]

  • AK47 Warrior - Soldiers with Ak47. Strength in numbers. Fights through the hell.
  • Technicals - Greatly cheap truck with greatly stink machine gun.
  • iBombers - Throw themselves into their enemy's lair with packed iBombs. Needless to say that this is the most dangerous mankind ever saw, made possible by steve jobs.
  • Intifada boys - Dangerous kids who can make anything to be lethal weapons. It is said to be unstoppable on Ramdan mode because they bite anything.
  • Arabian hip-hop group Al Bin & "Chip" Munq - Gathers international opinions throughout Youtube. Crazy as hell.

Arabs[edit]

  • Hezballer - Baller gangstas with kick ass weapons. Possibly the strongest of whole Arabs.
  • Iraqi Scuds - Deactive since 2003.
  • Iranian nukes - Iran, however, is not an Arab.

See also[edit]