Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
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Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.
“I am smarter than a Muppet Baby!”
“I'm former American Idol contestant Kellie Pickler, and I'm Dumber than a Blonde... Oh, wait! I AM a blonde. Silly me!”
“I haven't even started the fifth grade yet, give me time!”
“I'm smarter than a Grade 5-er.”
“A grade of 5?! The highest the standards go is 4.”
Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Don't be stupid, of course you're not! You make a chimpanzee look like Albert Einstein. When you were born, your mom mistook you for Forrest Gump, and she mistook your brother for George W. Bush. You have never gotten a straight A in your life and you were too stupid for Barney or Sesame Street.
You are not alone, though: One in every two people aren't smarter than a 5th grader. Not even that Stephen Hawking guy is smarter than a 5th grader. Heck, not even Jesse Zheng, the AZN nerd aka videogame addict is smarter than a 5th grader! And he's an eighth grader in Algebra 2! Not to mention he can memorize an entire, 2 page long song on the clarinet and play it perfectly. Bastard. What a nerd. So don't be concerned if you are not smarter than a fifth grader. Those guys and girls aren't even normal people. These 5th graders were created in a science lab by Über-genius Jeff Foxworthy in an attempt to challenge your intelligence. The experiment worked and has become a highly popular television series.
The Fox TV Network, Mark Burnett, and Rupert Murdoch thought it would be funny to mock you imbeciles by creating a game show hosted by Jeff Foxworthy called, Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Foxworthiness -- who goes by the nicknames Your Royal Highness, Your Majesty, Smarter Than Thou and Lord Foxworthy -- and his class of kids -- Kyle, Spencer, Alana, Jacob, Laura, and later Markie -- are a million times smarter than you, because you are nowhere as smart as a 10-year-old kid. This is due to the fact that they can hear the voices of dead crazy people. The show is basically Who Wants to Be a Millionaire for elementary school.
The show airs Thursday nights at 8:00/7:00 Central and runs for an hour, but you probably don't watch it because you're busy watching My Name is Earl and The Office. Or maybe you're watching Yee Haw! on CMT or perhaps some crappy show on MTV.
The second season of this show (which, by the way, is still smarter than YOU!) ushered in a brand new group of genetically engineered fifth graders, as the original class graduated to the sixth grade to become even more smarter than the moron reading this high-quality and exquisite article. The five new 5th grader future legends are named Mackenzie, Cody, Sierra, Olivia, and Nathan. To this day, nobody has proven to be smarter than a 5th grader.
The second season is notable for being the first to include B- and C-list celebrities playing for their favorite charities... themselves. So far, the only celebrities to appear on this show have been Regis Philbin, Tony Hawk, Kellie Pickler, Clay Aiken, Josh Server, and Mr. Winkler.