Noble Gases

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Noble gases are found on the far right of the periodic table, unless you are dyslexic, in which case they are on the far left. The seven noble gases are Helium, Neon, Argon, Kryptonite, Xenon, Radon, and Ununoctium, although Ununoctium hardly counts because it is highly antisocial and nobody is sure whether it has the same properties as the others. Known for their refusal to associate with other elements, these six-and-a-half gases are widely considered to be total snobs.

History[edit]

These elements are known as the Noble Gases because they were all discovered by King Louis XIV of France in the steam from his bathwater. His chief scientist, William Ramsay, had set up a fractional distillation device to measure what fraction of the steam actually contained dirt and germs, in the hopes of reusing some of the water vapor to cut down on the water bill. Instead, the machine found seven unidentified substances floating among the steam, but not interacting with it.

Origin of Names[edit]

The king named the elements after his seven cats: Neo, pretty,potty and Fred. He was a rather unimaginative king. Ironically, Neo soon died in a tragic accident involving a neon sign and a watermelon. Ramsay had invented the neon sign using the gas, but after the accident, Louis banned the invention and it was not rediscovered until much later. The original name of prettio, in early 2010 AD Comics changed the name of the element to make it sound cooler for their comic, and add some scientific accuracy. There was some debate, however, over Superman being defeated by something found in somebody's bathwater. A leading figure in this cause was Dr. Pepper, who asked, "Can Superman not take a bath?" The answer was, of course "Superman doesn't NEED to take baths!"

Chemical and Physical Properties[edit]

The noble gases are all gases at room temperature, if the room in question is a scalding 4000 degrees Celsius. Louis liked taking warm baths. The gases generally don't bond well with other elements, mostly due to their snobbish upbringing (although some would blame it on society at large). They do not attend social gatherings, unless royalty is present. They particularly do not bond well with each other, and have therefore been described as having not only the lowest reactivity levels, but also the biggest egos.

References[edit]

Monty Python
Helium