Ari Fleischer

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Ari Fleischer, George Bush's old press secretary, is best known for his fondness of eating airplane food, specifically the goat intestines left over from Osama bin Laden's nightly love fests with goats. He is reported have run away from Bush who was after him for stating that WMDs really meant "Weapons of Mass Distraction." He commonly pranced around the oval office in a blue dress, singing "Oh Monica". He also volunteered to serve as Monica Lewinski as a substitute for First Lady Laura Bush but was turned down for being too feminine. Barbara Bush is reputed to have called him a Pregnant Mongoose.

His accomplishments include helping create Mexico, and the second of Laura Bush's daughters. During his time in the Bush Administration, he had been detained and tortured with goat hair for "telling the press the truth". Bush gave him credit for Iraq war, despite the fact that he was no longer in the cabinet. Ari is currently seeking membership is the Boy Band Al Qaeda and has nearly completed the goat-insemination initiation rite.