Armele Schwarzenegger

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Armele Schwarzenegger, mother of the Arnold Schwarzenegger, was born on June 1st, 1951. She was a very good mother, teaching her son the usual habits of Germans, such as eating, breathing, digesting food, kitten huffing, murdering, Jew-hating, and most importantly, Schwertzy, or the art of excreting waste to cure minor cuts and burns.

Early Life[edit]

Armele was raised in a Nazi household until the age of nine. Then, when she murdered her parents, she tried to join Hitler. However, nine is much too old to join the Nazi army, as most young jedi soldiers join at the age of five. Hitler promptly sent her to live with her Great-Aunt Oprah. She lived with Oprah until the age of sixteen, until Oprah decided that she wanted to apprentice young Armele. This resulted in a ruthless fight, and unless the law would not have intervened, Armele may have died.


Armele was married at the age of seventeen, to Muhammed Ali. She, however, decided to keep her last name. After discovering that she was infertile, Muhammed left her and found a new wife. She was shocked as well at this news, and proceeded at once to ask her Great-Aunt for money for Vaginal transplants. Oprah gladly obliged. Although she never re-married, she had a 6-second affair with George Bush Sr, in which her only son Arnold was conceived.


Unsurprisingly, 9 months after Arnold was conceived, Armele gave birth to him. It is thought that the legendary Chuck Norris is also possibly a child of Armele's union with George Bush Sr, and therefore Arnold's twin, but the legend is so far unconfirmed. Armele then raised Arnold to be the good Citizen, Actor, and Neo-Nazi Politician he is today.

Later years[edit]

After Arnold left the house, Armele left the country in search of her remaining relatives. She never found any, but she ended up settling down in Germany. Not many people know where she is today.

See also[edit]