Arthur
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And by contributions from viewers like you. Thank you.Arthur is a show on PBS employed as a brainwashing technique. The show is known to portray all kids as complete idiots and all adults as ubergeniuses. It helps to crush self esteem, thus helping the evil overlords at PBS to control their weak minds. For a biography on Arthur himself, see Arthur Read.
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[edit] Purpose
[edit] Primary Purpose
When asked about the purpose of this show, PBS replied "We're sick of people making up stereotypes. Why bother remembering all those stereotypes when you can just remember our much simpler system? All you have to know is a few statistics."
- Age 0-18. You are a pathetic inferior. You only exist for adults to push around. Dont even try to accomplish anything, because you will fail. You are a nobody. Generally those from 0-18 are extreme wimps. They get embarrassed by everything. This includes getting 5% lower than average scores on tests, defecating inside your own bathroom, being stung by a bee and of course existing. You are also terrified completely by everything. These kids are scared to death of the dark (although they are right to fear the dark, as they are appearently well-educated on grues), as well as squirrels, trees, rocks, and generic haunted houses (OH NO, NOT A WHITE BLANKET ON A POLE!!!!! AAAAAAAA!!!!!). Also, they feel guilty about anything.
- Age 19-69. You only do important, professional stuff. Thanks to the incredible efficiency of the public school system, you are now nearly perfect, and your only superiors are those in the 70+ age group (and mexicans). All adults are nice people who never make mistakes. In fact, the show teaches Hitler was actually a nice guy, and supports Holocaust Denial. Adults are all very important in guiding small, inferior, helpless children. Any attempts by these children to do anything productive will result in failure, and its your job to point out the flaws of these fools and do it yourself.
- Age 70+ Perfect immortals. They are good at everything. None of them have health problems, in fact health problems don't even exist. If they want to run for president, they will win, if they want to asplode the earth, they will do so. Resistance is futile.
- Non-Americans. They are all the same as Americans. There is no such thing as a third world country, nor is there a communist dictatorship anywhere, or even terrorists. 9/11 never happened. The terrorists didnt bomb it, because they are perfect, and Bush is also perfect (however Clinton is more perfect). After all, did they ever make any mistakes? Of corse not. Also, there is no such thing as a stereotype because they're all the exact same in all countries everywhere. The exception is religions, as only one exists, and all others are fakes made by small cults of infidels who will be punished by Allah.
- Uncyclopedia. This site is blatant lies and evil stereotypes. However since evil does not exist it is likely run by inferior children. It so inaccuratley portrays both adults and non-americans that it will be laughed at by all adults everywhere. The creators must feel so guilty that they cannot sleep at night.
This site is liable to be Jihad-ized.
[edit] Other Purposes
Many have suggested that Arthur also exists to crush the self-esteem of small children so that they wont rebel against the soon to be PBS-run government. This is only half-true. The show is meant to crush the self-esteem of small children by telling them they are idiots who will amount to nothing. However PBS is too stupid to take over the government, and were held at bay by a hobo with a shotgun and 2 bullets on their first attack. Further research after the incident took place revealed that the shotgun was actually a badly damaged plastic toy that still had an orange cap on the end.
Some have speculated that the show originated as USSR propaganda. They're probably right. When asked, PBS responded "Propaganda? No, we are just reflecting on the everyday life of an average comrade." However the show was later taken over by terrorists.
[edit] Plotline
The plotline consists of random kids being scared/embarrased/guilty of stuff. They are always high on drugs, and have frequent hallucinations. In fact, D.W. is regularly seen talking to an inanimate Troll Doll (but they don't call it that, as the copywright people are already charging thur lazr on Arthur) These can be seen when some short music thing plays and the screen gets all wavy. There is almost always mention of a movie in which the character has an evil twin. Why? No one really knows. However no one knows if any movies were actually made where anyone had an evil twin, most believe that they are just rumors created so this show could have a plotline. Theres also shows where superheroes appear at random and do stuff. One episode of the show accused Indiana Jones 2 of sterotyping middle-easterners (wait, dosen't that movie take place in India?).
A typical movie (note that they all involve some form of bunny-superhero thing):
Bunny: Oh no... its the clown!
Kids watching TV: AAAAAAAA!!!
Bunny: You'll never get away, clown!
Clown: Oh yes I will! **summons robot at random**
Clown: Why so serious? Lets put a smile on that face of yours! **Gets out facepaint and starts painting smiley face on Bunny thing**
Bunny: NOOOOO!!!
Kids watching TV: **Instantly turns off TV** I wasnt s-s-scared... no way... just a tv show... just a tv show... were you scared? Cuz I wasn't.
Generic parent: This show stereotypes all people who wear makeup as being evil! No more watching for you.
[edit] Controversial Episode
One particular episode was deemed too scary for television audiences. In the episode, Arthur decides to walk to the Sugar Bowl. When he reaches it, he goes inside and sees a spider. He sceams, and runs into a nearby Starbucks. At Starbucks, he can't but anything because his family is so freaking poor. He screams, and then he wakes up. The entire plot was a dream. His father comes in and tells him to shut the F up, since it's two in the morning. The moral of the story was that spiders are SCARY!!!
[edit] Characters
Evil
Pal(estinian)- Pal is Arthur's favorite dog that happens to hate D.W., Israel, the United States of America, democracy, and Christianity. Allegedly adopted from a puppy mill in Egypt, Pal happens to be the ex-husband of Martha (Speaks). They meet in Egypt but Pal went to Elwood City and Martha went to Flagstaff, Arizona instead. Martha is a female dog so that makes her a BITCH!!!
Arthur Read- Member of the Barney Bunch since 2006. Arthur could not find a girlfriend and all of his friends (with the exception of Francine Frensky) are male. Arthur is Buster's good friend. He is the oldest of three offspring, usually on the honor roll, constantly under pressure from family and teachers, and has to deal with the ongoing drama of life. He likes to watch Power Rangers, Barney, Dark Bunny, the 90's version of Batman, and The Real World. He loves jacking off to porn and playing with his supposedly British dog, Pal.
Dora "DW" Read- Arthur's younger sister. She has been a bitch since she was able to talk. She pulls cry and plead routines in order to get her way. Ironically, she is good at school but acts like a dick the minute she's home. Her favorite shows are Mary Moo Cow, Barney, Zoey 101, Playboy TV, Gossip Guy, and Crazy Bus, the TV Show. Because of her tastes in things and attitude, DW loves drama and cannot handle any situation without being a total drama queen. DW has been influenced to have sex with many men her age. It is one of her favorite hobbies. She is also a member of the Legion of Doom.
Buster Baxter- Personal friend of Arthur Read. Member of the Barney Bunch since 2006. Swam the English channel, and received the Order of Lenin 2nd Class as well as Hero of Socialist Labour. He has a testosterone deficiency, resulting in a high pitched voice, and seemingly gay attitude. HE IS NOT GAY. Not even bisexual. Buster has an evil mother who bosses him around. Buster's father is a pilot for various airlines. He is rarely seen in the Baxter home. Because of a lack of father figure, Buster is usually a dumb ass because he never studies. His father would be pissed at him. He usually studies under pressure from his friends. He nearly failed the third grade, which even a second grader could pass. Of all the kids at school, Buster is the most popular. He also writes only in Polish shorthand.
Binky Barnes- A little chickenshit who is supposed to be a bully. It turns out he loves butterflies, playing the clarinet, and trying to blend in with the Tough Customers, a clique of bullies. Binky is actually single and has majored in fine arts at Elwood City College.
Mr. Nigel Emil(y) Ratburn- He fucks Japanese whores after school while listening to Turning Japanese by The Vapors. This is introduced in episode #666: "Mr. Ratburn Finds A Girlfriend"/"Arthur's Daughter".
Not Evil
Rattles Ciccione- A member of the Tough Customers, Rattles is one of the true bullies in this group. Rattles speaks with a heavy New York accent with Italian pronunciation. He often seen hurting the feelings of the evil characters because they are losers. Rattles has never got into trouble because he can respect his elders and disrespect his peers (except his fellow Tough Customers).
Toby ?- Toby is another one of the Tough Customers. He speaks with a form of California English by pronouncing certain vowels with a weird pronunciation. Toby loves skateboarding, loud rock music, beating up troublemakers, hanging out at Burger Barn, and doing things that Arthur does not like. Buster got beat up when he sung his version of "Mary Had a Little Lamb" with a faux British accent. Toby realized Buster was an asshole. He grabbed Buster by his shirt collar, held him against wall, and barked in his face.
Kate Read - She is not evil because she can't read and at least evil people can read in addition to speak English, write English, and carry on a conversation in English. She is Ella Sofia Gordon's lesbian lover; they talk in baby talk and put red crayons up their rear ends.
Molly McDonald-
Jane Read- Jane is a total hottie. Too bad she's already married and has three kids. Enough said.
Dave Read- Jane's husband who spends his time making cakes for the Crosswires and worshipping Jimmie Johnson and Juan Pablo Montoya. He spends his weekends watching NASCAR with Muffy Crosswire's dad.
[edit] Episodes
101 Arthur's eyes: Arthur gets some geeky glasses and everyone calls him a nerd
102 Hello Dolly: DW's doll catches her watching porn and she "plays with it".
103 Arthur's Underwear: Arthur's pants fall down and everyone finds out that he wets the bed and calls him a nerd again.
