Arthur Rimbaud
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“That is a shite of the highest order. Complete and utter ships, i mean ships shit... ”
~ Oscar Wilde on Arthur Rimbaud
His mother being used to partaking of the arse sludge rather too eagerly, he was left to fend for himself at a young age; while his father too, at this point in Rimbaud's history, was also a child. Rimbaud got knocked about a bit, yes maybe, but by the time of the completion of his magnum opus, and most popular work: Kitten Huffing 2: Pig in the City he was lauded and revered unanimously round the Europe, and everyone there thought he was really good, even if no-one else did. Rimbaud died inside a whale's fat belly sometime I dont know when, maybe it was about 1854 or something like that. Anyway a whale eat him up and anyway he died and thats all I know.
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[edit] Early Life
The young Arthur, or King Arthur, as he was referred to at this time by his collegues, the knights of the round table, was noted for his great skill at hunting fearsome dragons. Not only that but he was rapidly beginning to earn himself a reputation as respected British TV News Anchorman Trevor McDonald, and his face was ubiquitous on anachronistic news broadcasts round the nation during the early medieval period.
He lived in a pond and his best friend was a marmosette called Little David Salinger who used to take him on wild mystical quests and do little drawings on his penis.... Unusually, Little David Salinger would never tell the young Rimbaud where he was going to lead him next but this only added to the excitement. Upon the conclusion of their final quest Little David Sallinger presented Rimbaud with a magical whistle as a token of its admiration. It is said that the whistle has healing properties and is located somewhere in Dunoon Castle near the Isle of Brigolban. But all those who dare enter may be plagued by a fearsome car...
In high school Rimbaud was noted for his devotion to religion, and he would often try and have sex with the religion to show it how devoted he was. His teachers and many of his acquaintances from this period describe his "chumminess" with the marmosette as "dubious"... "He was away with it a bit to regularly", said one.
“Je suis un Otter.”
~ Rimbaud on the confusion resultant from befriending a rodent
[edit] Later Years
Rimbaud grew up after spending several years as a child. When this finally occured his best friend Paul Verlaine remarked on it simply by raising his eyebrows, as an affectation of surprise or alarm. Rimbaud, observing this gesture, replied with a lopsided smile, and Paul Verlaine, misinterpreting this as a look of disdain, began to stammer "Yow!Yow!Yow" and sift his hair through his hands nervously. Seeing Verlaine's distress Rimbaud attempted to reassure him by smiling meekly with his eyes closed, ending with an outpouring of "crooked" laughter, which both poets then shared simultaneously. In literature on this exchange Rimbaud is popularly seen as the antagonist, with Verlaine assuming the role of subordinate interlocuter.
Rimbaud didn't want to be a poet no more so he became a slave trafficker instead, left France with a peanut in each hand and gave up poems for life! Subsequent to arriving in Ethiopia to try and procure what he described as "a decent ham sandwich" he observed a small pain in his left leg. The next day it had "fallen off", a tragic example of Tripe Willy, which lead Rimbaud into a woe filled demise and inexorably towards a sad plummeting death.
[edit] Poems
Rimbaud is well known for writing in French, the language used by his retarded Uncle and one which he stuck to throughout his career as a token of his solidity with the cause of the outcast or those downgraded in society. Still, it is a stupid language and many have criticised him for it.
His poems have a visionary tone and are made from the standpoint of a seer or shaman. For example, in his 1987 poem "On the Buses" the poet exclaims: "I 'ate you Butler", and in a later work entitled "One Foot In the Grave" and starring the popular television star Victor Meldrew, the protagonist says "I don't believe it!" in a loud voice. In one of his most loved poems he uses the persona of a drunk ship to try and arouse havoc in the reader and Rimbaud wrote this poem with jelly coming out of his nose and shinning up a "thin house". Rimbaud famously presented this piece to Verlaine as a prelude to their meeting and upon reading it Verlaine was audibly heard to exclaim "Its ships shit!! Shipping shit shit.. ship!!" Verlaine would later converse quite volubly on the similarity of the word "shit" with the word "ship" and it was the focus of many of his most celebrated lectures.
Rimbaud decided to write a book called "Kitten Huffing 2: Pig in the City" it was to be his magnum opus, his "Guernica", his "Un Saison En Fur" but he lost interest in poetry soon after its publication leading him to his subsequent career, AND THAT FOR WHICH HE IS MOST RENOUND...
[edit] The Hollywood Years
In a savage, unearthly and wild twist of fate Rimbaud was auctioned off by the very man (Verlaine) who had hitherto been his noble friend and benefactor. Auctioned, my friends, into a remorseless world of poverty and of chronic yearning for forgotten numbers; the mean streets of Hollywood, where, to earn an honest buck, a destitute, smelly and impecunious Rimbaud felt no other alternative but to join the acting trade. Trying his luck first of all in a local cafe, adjacent to his meagre slum-dwelling downtown, Rimbaud was quickly picked up by a talent scout who said, "LOOK HERE SONNY, I CAN MAKE YOU BIG, I CAN MAKE YOU A SITAR." That man, of course was Ravi Shankar, illustrious nobleman and practitioner of the black art of sitar strumming. Soon Rimbaud's novice banjo fretwork was translated into an all encompassing and infinite knowledge of the mechanics of the sitar, and Rimbaud was catapulted into instant-fame appearing on Tv specials such as the Ed Sullivan Show and Noel's House Party, to churn the hungry adoration of his rapidly burgeoning fanbase into uncharted dimentions of pell-mell sitar confusion.
This period is known as Rimbaud-mania, and from here Rimbaud was allowed the chance to sitar in several action movies. For the part he played in these films he basically used his own persona, but adopting an "angry" look and "machine-gun" to heighten elements already evident within his soul. Then he shoots up a load of guys and basically displays his big muscles much like a peacock.
Rimbaud oh Rambo, where for art thou mein astral leibin fuhrer.
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