Article About Funny Hookers Article

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Notice how they changed the T to a K in the logo--so funny!

Hookers is a pretty funny Uncyclopedia article. It sort of has to do with that popular Hooters restaurant, but they did this cool thing and changed the name to Hookers.


The article Hookers, first appeared in Uncyclopedia probably a year and a half ago. When you first read it, you think it's about street hookers, but then you read it; you see that Hooters logo (but it looks different). Then you start laughing.

Actual clip from the article:

“Hookers is a new eatery concept brought to you from the fine folks who gave us the first version of this kind of establishment, Hooters. At first, the founders wanted to call it "Wingers", but since the Waitresses finally put out, they chose the more fitting name of "Hookers".”

~ Hookers Article

That is pretty funny.

The article had a problem before, because it kept going to this Hookers page, about real hookers, but now the author left a private message to an Uncyclopedia admin on the IRC, so it should be working now.

It's Funny, But Not That Funny[edit]

It's not laugh-out-loud funny. For example, if you had food in your mouth, like a donut and milk--you know sometimes when you eat a donut you don't swallow it whole by itself? Instead you use milk to help you swallow it whole. The milk is almost like swallowing assistance; it also enhances the flavors.

If this article was laugh-out-loud funny, you would first read the Hookers article. Then, it was so funny you didn't even have time to swallow the food first, even though you were desperately trying to, because you knew in a split second you were about to laugh really really hard and loud, (scream-laughing for about 30 minutes straight) and the milk and donuts are now all over your monitor. Well, this Hookers article is not like that.

It's Just OK Funny[edit]

It's more of an OK funny. If you look at the article, maybe you will chuckle, if you are the chuckling type. I don't chuckle much. Chuckling is a little weird. People who chuckle kind of freak me out--also people with ticks, not a big fan of them. One time in my elementary school, there was this one kid with a nasty tick. We were all scared of him. He was always dirty looking too, so we used to make fun of him, saying he had ticks (that crazy twitching thing), and ticks (little bugs). The curious thing is, one time I saw actual ticks crawling on his neck. That has to be a painful childhood: when the kids make fun of you, using just one word, and they are right on the money both times.

So if you chuckle or have a tick, then you are communicating to yourself that what you are reading is humorous. It's like the body's way of telling you something funny has happened. When you read the Hookers article, it registers in your brain: you read one part and then you think, "Oh, that was funny"; you read a little more and then you think to yourself, "Oh, that was a joke!"--like that.

Another Thing[edit]

What the article does is combine the restaurant's name, with the generic term for prostitute (hooker). The result is a very satisfying and humorous classy article. If you think about it, Hooters and real hookers are a little similar and that makes the article funny--but not that funny.

The Hookers article is something that can be bookmarked so you can get it easier, instead of typing the URL.

Note below how well this is all broken down:


  • Hooters Woman
    All the waitresses are smoking hot, except for a couple of the slightly pudgy ones. When I go to Hooters, I always pray I don't get a little pudgy one. But for the most part, the majority of them are nice and slutty, except for the cook guys. The really hot Hooters girls are those calendar ones, though.
  • A Hooters waitress gives you curly fries and beer for a while; then you pay her.

Real Hookers[edit]

  • Hooker Woman
    Prostitutes also dress in a similar way, except they are even sluttier, and don't wear those nylon stockings. They are marginal looking, which means you can still tell they are women, but they are all busted looking. If there was a calendar about prostitutes, I'd recommend not getting it.
  • You pay a prostitute and she provides you a service in the back of a Taco Bell parking lot.

Final thought: the prostitute allows way more physical contact, but Hooters is a more comfortable place, plus, you can drink beer and watch football.

Closing Stories[edit]

Charming Hooters Story[edit]

I showed up to a packed Hooters, for a night of brew and wings. The waitress was pretty hot, but kind of rude and really short. I cite short as a negative, because it wasn't like a cute-petite-short, but more of a dwarf-short--not really into dwarf-style short chicks. Anyways, I didn't care for the way she was refilling my pitcher either: acting busy and just doing it to get it out of the way. I don't think we made eye contact a single time, even though I was trying to look in her face as much as I could. Overall, she wasn't friendly at all, and doing everything in a huff. In fact, what she was, was a stupid, huffy dwarf.

I was starting to get angry and was drunk beyond description. When the manager came over, I gave him a detailed account about her unacceptable behavior. All he offered was an insincere apology, so I called him a fat faggot and got kicked out.

Charming Hooker Story[edit]

I was out looking for hookers when I met a local pimp. He told me to follow him up to where his employees were hanging out, so I slowly drove behind him--he was riding a beat-up bike, which was a sign of things to come. After a minute of driving behind him, I found myself in the company of whores, who were all assembled in an alley behind a motel. They were horrible looking, but I proceeded to negotiate. He tells me he charges $15 per tooth, to which I ask him to clarify. Turns out price was based on how many teeth were in a hooker's mouth.

These hos were tore up from the floor up, but the moment was right, and I had a decent $30 budget, which could fetch me a solid two-tooth woman. I got matched up with a girl called Bunny. I had a very strong suspicion the origins of her name were based on her remaining two teeth, which were side-by-side and in the front of her top-row. But I would have not come up with the name Bunny from that; her ears were still not long enough--and she looked more like an enormous hairless guinea pig in a tube-top dress.

Next week I went back, with Bunny on my mind and 30 more bucks. She was busy though, so I got paired up with another girl named Clamp. I have to admit Bunny's two front teeth looked way better than the one-top-tooth-directly-over-one-bottom-tooth configuration this one had.