Heavy Artillery
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Heavy artillery was developed in 1984 as a way of persuading Jesuits to vacate office buildings. The first documented use of heavy artillery was in Seville, Spain, where 400 Jesuits refused to leave the headquarters of the Banco de Seville. After twenty minutes of relentless shelling by a battery of 120mm howitzers, the two surviving Jesuits finally accepted the late-fee imposed on their credit card bill and vacated the premises.
Although untried in any major conflict, heavy artillery was used briefly during the Wars of the Roses when Lancastrian troops shelled a chicken shed, thought to be refuge to Richard of York and 50 Jesuits. It was also used once in the Second World War to wake up Gen. George S. Patton, who'd had a bit too much to drink the night before.
Heavy artillery is gradually phasing out the ray gun as the weapon of choice on the modern battlefield. Recent developments include guns which fire shells several metres across, guns that fire shells containing other guns, and shells that fire people who then emerge from the shells carrying guns which they then fire at the enemy. The Schaftwerks in Germany have developed a long-barreled gun that can recite several popular verses by Alfred Lord Tennyson, and it is rumoured that North Korean scientists have developed a gun that "smells funny." However, these rumours have not been fully substantiated.
