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Asheville, North Carolina is nestled against Great Smoky Mountains national park, thus the forested mountains are looming over the city at all times, watching you.

While Asheville may not be a haven for the paranoid or claustrophic types, it is home to the spiritually inclined New Agers, hippies and those enjoying alternative lifestyles. Heck, there are even a few nudists in good old Asheville, home to the glorious Blue Ridge Parkway (camping near waterfalls rocks!) and the Bele Chere festival, where genuine locals come down from the hills to play a little six-finger banjo. Can you say 'supernumary digit' six times quickly? Shawn Gilbert Likes Men!!!!!!!


Contrary to popular belief, Asheville is not physically attached to the North American continent. It is, in fact, a small island of its own off the Eastern coast of North Carolina; though not even the modern residents are aware of this as none of them has ever travelled far enough from the city area to know where the hell they actually are.

The reason for Asheville's isolation is most likely to keep American authorities from finding the whereabouts of its highly controversial local indie band The Shoelaces, who have been known to sing about terrorism and kitten huffing and are therefore considered a huge threat to the government.

Asheville's Druid Past[edit]

Many believe that the mighty Cherokee who originally inhabited the area were actually