“The only fuck that shouldn't be a fuck”
Misintroduction (Part I):
Ashish (pronounced as Ass-hish) Banerjee (not to be confused with Ashutosh Banerjee - a sub-species of Elephant, or a Delhi based Viagra saleswoman, or Sonia Gandhi, or any other Banerjee – a fighter aircraft made in Blue China, or anyother Ashish - a clan of Chess players ) is a direct descendent of the [neo-illogical cave woman]. She is characterized by his pao-wala (pao – [scorpion] & wala - [testicle]) looks and a really big tail-bone. The tail-bone extends till the [rectal cavity] of almost every one he knows. This endowed him the Emmy for the “[pain-in-the-ass]” category and also made him the recipient for the “[best diaper]” award by [Huggies/Huggers], as the tail-bone is made of absorbing material. The absorbing [tail-bone] is as “[Phaar-Shitted]” (which rhymes with far-sighted but is Lightyear away) as her [thinking].
Misintroduction (Part J):
She likes to call himself “Hoshiyarchand” (ass of the wise and pussy of mice) as she thinks all the absorbing has made him wise. This has made his echo (which is how she spells ego) very high and hence has attracted the attention of [George Bush’s puppies]. Within the shitelligence community (which is a fully owned subsidiary of Bonsai Monkey Inc., ISI and North Korea Lingerie corp) he is highly regarded. Born to a poor pregnant father "Toyota - not the company" and [Paris Hilton (not the flat-chested one, but the one from Finland)] he quickly fell in love with his own-self, in reality he became asexual.
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When she/he was 5.023654871245 minutes old, a meteorite hit her head and was able to penetrate her 0.0003 nm thick marble (made in china) [skull]. The explosion resulted in a chain reaction that is aptly referred to as Paris Hilton (the flat chested one). The radioactive fall-out has yielded the herald of Britney spears, Samantha Fox (two different people Samantha n Fox joined at the anus) and Sanjay Gandhi. Also exactly 2 mins after this incident the Great Wall of China was built by Mao to protect the People’s Republic of China, but rather than walling Bihar, they walled the opposite direction, which caused radioactivity to reach their shores and also a spurt in the fertility rate of Chinese, and the effects of this (billions of billions of billions of billions of Chinese) are still being measured (counted). With all this power in his rectal cavity, hoshiyarchand figured out (with the help of Einstein, Euler and Esha Deol; all clones of Marco Polo) that his existence is [contradictory to the parabolic curve of the human skull], and hence dictated by the [relative-quantum-starwars-katewinslet theory] he must save the [neo-carthetic subspecies], in Bush terms he possesses weapons of mass destruction and poses a threat to World_peace world peace (in Oscar_Wilde Oscar Wilde terms, a [very bad fuck]). In fact on last count (1923 AD) there were so many Chinese, the world feared that if they all had sex at the same time, it would be catastrophic for the [global economy] as the [seismic activity] would cause all the oil in the world to boil and evaporate. But the underlying reason for this fear was that the Chinese sexoscape would produce enough vibration that Marilyn Monroe (sister of [Arnold schwwwezzjfhsdijfsidjfhisunegarrrrrrrrrrrr]) would begin to resonate and thus launch himself into [deep-cyber-hyper-neo-gamma-delta-alternate-antimatter-space] and coinsequently [mate] with Obi-Wan Kenobi to produce two billion more Oscar Wildes.
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In order to protect the world from their onslaught (also to keep Marilyn Monroe for themselves) a secret underground experiment was started by all the X-Men & Mao (George Bush and USA didn’t contribute as they were busy playing strip-poker with Osama Bin Laden, Japan, Anna Kournikova) to create a deterrent for the Chinese sexoscape. The result was Big Brother, Oprah Winfrey and condoms. Of these Oprah Winfrey was seduced by hoshiyarchand and coinsequently revolted against Mao and X-men. It was obvious that the exsperiment had failed, and hence they (Mao and X-Men) decided to take matters in their own hands. In the epic battle that followed (not between Hoshiyarchand and Wolverine but a strip-dancing match between Oprah Winfrey and Mystique), which of course was won by Mystique due to obvious reasons (Oprah forgot how to unhook her bra). In the resultant Treaty of Versailles, Ashish Banerjee was forced to undergo 75 hrs of spanking from/to Pamela Anderson (which unlike any [male/female/Bush/dogs/cats/jellyfishes/anything-alive] is not liked by Ashish Banerjee as he thinks he has the best nipples in the world!!!!!).
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Oprah Winfrey later served as France’s defense minister and gifted her [tanks]/guns/[missiles]/Monaco to her audience and had an affair with Thailand (no not the country but the name of the CNBC/ABC/HBVGFC/whatever-TV-networkC president). Now you know why she is on TV. After the spanking, this was just at about the same time when Bush lost the strip poker game; Mr(s) Banerjee decided to fight back and launched the Hitler-program. He also launched Toyota Corolla so as to kill his opponents by producing millions of millions of millions of the most boring thing ever made. After Hitler’s defeat at the hands of the [British Bulldog Churchill], Big Father Stalin, and Louisiana; and mankind’s ready acceptance of Toyota Corolla, she realized that a major shift in his tactics was required. Coinsequently she launched Toyota Camry, which is nothing more than a Corolla with a different face and the saddest ass in the whole universe as well as in the whole [deep-cyber-hyper-neo-gamma-delta-alternate-antimatter-space]. Which again failed.
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He later founded the Thakarey’s (a brand of soap made in Dadar Park Bombay), [Delhi Metro] (so that he can get a visa to India) and Washington (not DC, though she played architect there as well by recreating his nipples in the name of the Pentagon). Once in India he lost an arm-wrestling match to Indira Gandhi, and consequently aided in de-Manhattisation of Delhi males by making females more Oprah Winferish. When Indira Gandhi refused him Sonia Gandhi, he left India and began to wander in Texas. Out there he again played strip-poker with Bush (*) and after loosing left USA for good as he was spanked again by Laura Bush. Some of his recent escapades include [nuking China (you thought North Korea did that, you were wrong)], [genetically mutating cabbage (making them lethal, check this link if you doubt me)], [Laos (to kill Mao’s China)], etc.
He then stole Queen Elizabeth’s pantyhoose (along with Queen Elizabeth) and Cindy Crawford’s lingerie (along with Cindy Crawford), which he sold on e-bay for 2222222222200000000021654665652+62+652+62+62+62++3 $. The 3 $ was for Queen Elizabeth. With all this money and a special I’m-a-jackass-and-I-love-Pakistan passion, he joined I-am-ShIt (ISI) (ISI used this money to buy diapers for its [
terrorists soldiers] in Kashmir). The charge of this delivery was on Ashish’s head, which she gladly fucked up and dropped the entire 253566184 x 10^25645 ton (they needed a lot of diapers) consignment on PoK, and destroying the only toilet there. Also the diapers imploded (nobody knows how, but some say those diapers were made-in-china crackers and were meant to keep their Pakistan's (ISI's) fuckers/terrorists/alqieda/freedom chokersfighters/army battle-worthy by bursting around their balls) and caused Ashish’s phenomenal hairgrowth, his hair now reaches Alaska and completely engulfs him.
PS: •(*) >>> CIA has told me to write “Out there he again played strip-poker with Bush”, heaven knows y, as it was their first strip-poker match
•CIA has told me to write “consequently” as “coinsequently”
•At the time of writing this article the [deca-poly-multi-italian-cosmic-equation] dictating Ashish Banerjee’s sex hasn’t been deciphered as yet. Hence Ashish Banerjee is sometimes referred to as male n sometimes female and sometimes others.
•[Indian Government] is incharge of hyperelinks