Asian women

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“There are only two types of people, bullies and nerds...and hot Asian Chicks, aw yeah they'll do what you want”

~ Peter Griffin on Asian Women

“Get me another beer Dragon Lady”

~ Clint Eastwood on Asian women

Asian women are from the continent of Russia, renowned for their light weight and durability. Many also feature a vagina, which like their eyes, are slanted. Generally popular because of these characteristics, they also have a tendency to come equipped with a cute/ goofy smile. There is no such thing as an Asian woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, which means no dumbasses. That model was experimented with in the 15th Century, but the black-haired black-eyed Empress got jealous and when black-haired black-eyed Empresses get jealous, people die. The Asian Woman Robot has one goal in life- to please. Sadly this fact has led to the gross genaralzation that all Asian Women are hookers, when only 98% of them are.

Sadly, a large number of Asian Women in their younger years are beginning to smell like math books, pencils and get their orgasms by getting a perfect score on the SATs. Thus far no cure has been found for this dysfunction of their program.

Contents 1 Asian Women Fun Facts 2 Step 1: Determining Whether She is Asian or Not 3 Step 2: Which Model of Asian Woman You Choose From? 4 Further Scholarly Research on Asian Chicks Classified by Country 4.1 Korean chicks 4.2 Vietnamese Chicks 4.3 Japanese Chicks 4.4 Chinese Chicks 4.5 Surgeon General's Warning on Asian Women 4.6 Quotes from Mao's Little Red Book 5 Asian-American Chicks 5.1 Costs benefit analysis of American-Asian Chicks 6 Timeless Words of Wisdom On Asian Chicks 7 See also

[edit] Asian Women Fun Facts

Asian women are interested in meeting men from around the world and want to have your babe, especially handsome sexy person like you! To gain credit with Asian women, you insert coins into their eyes, that's why they have slanted eyes stupid! This will make them very happy and giggle alot.

They consume less red meat than their Caucasian counterparts and have a lower hip fracture rate than white women since they often ride cock. They are often fit and can be classified as spinners. They do not have the fupa problems American white women have.

Some white men are afflicted with a terrible infection called yellow fever. Those who suffer from this tragic affliction see Asian women as the supreme creation of God. Oftentimes they also see them as passive objects that they can dominate, or maybe just women who can screw really well and enjoy an exotic dinner. The sufferers of Yellow Fever are partially correct. Asian women know how to not to question the commands or decisions of persons in authority and yet remain completely in control. In fact, in many Asian cultures an Asian woman feel greatly shamed if she looses control of her man. Hence, instead of speaking out, she will keep her feelings locked up deep inside of her and control him with her twat cum fu. This is generally very effective. American feminist greatly fear Asian women. Asian woman's Kung Fu is a 100 times better. An Asian chick will silently subdue her victim via cum-fu and he will never know what hit him. Remember Asian women love cock and American lesbian feminist hate men and don't understand the benefits of submitting to a large rock hard cock.

Now that you know a little about Asian women, it is time to.....

[edit] Step 1: Determining Whether She is Asian or Not

“I was trying to figure out if that chick was Asian, when it hit me - I'm not even sure she was a CHICK! ”

~ Oscar Wilde on identifying Asian chicks

If you're having trouble figuring out whether the woman is Asian or not, please consult the following guide:

1. Does she have a vagina? If yes, you're on the right track. Is it slanted down there, look carefully, if yes your odds are improving.

2. Does she have slanted eyes? (If you don't recall, try to remember whether her vagina was slanted) if yes, this is another good indicator that she is Asian. When smiling, the eyes should resemble dime slots. (note: In Asia many girls are getting that round eye surgery, a slanted pussy is your best indicator now days.)

3. Does she say things like "Me love you long time" "Me so horny" or "Fuckie, fuckie, suckie, suckie?" Does she interrupt herself during fellatio to ask, "You love my kissoo kissoo?" If yes then chances are definitely increasing.

4. Does she have a special affinity for Hello Kitty or Pokemon or Physics? If so, you are 4/5ths of the way there!!!

5. Finally, is she especially bad at driving? This can be hard to tell because all women are pretty bad at driving, but Asian women are especially bad.

We have determined whether she was in fact a woman or not!

We have figured out whether she was in fact an asian woman or not.

Now it is time to answer the next very important question....

[edit] Step 2: Which Model of Asian Woman You Choose From?

1. Japanese Chicks: They're very kinky and can masturbate for a long, long time. They are cursed and cannot control themselves. They will have sex with anyone they can, anywhere they can and as often as possible. Beware they like to wear strap-ons! Their vaginas are also pixels. Every time they get another credit card to max out they have multiple orgasms. The more debt they have the harder they cum. Fat chicks have been outlawed in Japan. They are also crazy drivers and have black belts in the art of dorifuto soko.

2. Korean Chicks: Although inhabiting a peninsula very close to Japan, Korean Chicks demonstrate characteristics radically different from their Japanese counterparts. Most South Korean chicks are sexy and smooth and smarter than all other asian girls. Their vaginas are tighter than any other type of girls but their pussies smells like kimchi , making us men cum much faster for their own pleasure. Many are practicing Starcraft cultists, and may attempt use you to gather more minerals. Some people comes over from North Korea. These are known for their ability to breathe fire from their mouth and anus. Extremely dominant sluts.

4. Vietnamese Chicks: The best of all ladyboys CAUTION! may recommend some lame restaurants like "PHO PHuck LAi". Beware of ability to suck your soul clean from your body. However, you can be certain that she will "love you long time."

5. Indian Chicks: They are slightly more hairy on the pussy than other Asian chicks(but still really tight even after having a kid), heck they're like your own mini furball, but since they also have biggest round tits and asses in Asia it's your call. But remember, if you like it furry and sweaty, they're the perfect bed warming toy, though they do tend to ahve exessive sweating and have the stink of a rhinocerous farting into a turdsicle (just the old ugly ones, like the ape looking ones). Many come with "scratch & sniff" balloon knot! They are one of the best asian chicks to have since they have big round tits and some times nice ass and their vagina are known to be really tight even after child birth.

6. Thai Chicks: Exotic. Possibly one of the hardest to capture and require a lot of effort with probably the use of a very expensive trap and you'll need some pretty amazing bait, "a really large dick" might be your best bet with bagging one of these. If you get one hold onto it, they are known to run away after a great time but if you manage to get one to stick with you the benefits are infinite. They know skills in bed that are ancient secrets of Asia, and they don't have a lot else to practice on either, they live in Thailand. That place is practically a jungle. Again, try and get one of these, the small slender bodied Thai girl has been known to lure in a man and devour his income and give him unimaginable pleasure and leaving without him knowing for a second what the hell just happened.

7. Hot XXX Teenage Lesbian Asian Chicks: The most industrious and hard-working of all the Asian chicks. These Internet entrepreneurs are responsible for over 80% of the spam, malware, and [spyware] that appears on the World Wide Web. They are employed by the Norton and McAfee corporations.

8. Filipina Chicks: Filipinas (especially those that come from Manila) are disturbingly butt-ugly, and they're also the best at anal sex; they'll fuck you till you go blind. All of them are anal virgins and all of them also have a picture or image of the Virgin Mary. The Philippines has one of the largest standing professional female sex armies in Asia, and their services can be rented for a small fee (semen). Filipinas are experts at getting pregnant; it is impossible to fuck them without cumming hard deep inside them. This proves that birth control does not work in the Philippines. Filipina chicks have an inferiority complex because all the other Asian chicks consider them to be of the lower class, because many Filipina chicks have some Spanish ancestry back from that really brief time when Spain had the Armada and their navy sailed all over and fucked all the hot chicks.

9. Others: Just avoid the ones from Euthanasia; they are truly the deadliest of the species. Beware of venus fly trap for a vagina and teeth in the anus. Pregnant Chick, but an Asian Pregnant Chick. What turns you on more?

[edit] Further Scholarly Research on Asian Chicks Classified by Country

[edit] Korean chicks

Korean women are lovable and will please you if you fulfill their wishes. Many Korean women medical journals report that of all Chickus Asiatica Amicus Whiteus Cumus Hoe (latin for "Hot Asian Slut Who Cums Hard With White Guys") they like Asian men the least, this is because Korean women think of themselves as white. They are the most highly educated in gold-digging ways and are recognizable by a face which resembles that of the Moon or a kicked-flat iron wok. Korean women also don't have bad teeth unlike most Asian women they believe in false teeth and braces, and have the most soft vagina then all the other Asian chicks.

The only draw back (to some pepole) to having sex with a Korean women is the smell of Kim-Chee. It comes off their breath, their sweat & other bodily fluids all smell & taste like Kim-Chee, but, if you like the taste of rotten cabage that's been cured in pig urine then Korean ladies are the ones for you.

Say "you're very pretty" to a Chinese woman and the Chinese woman will politely thank you and walk away with a smile on her face. Say the same thing to a Korean woman, and you will become one of those insects where the female bites the male's head off. That is one of the bad effects of Kim-Chee.

North Korean women are excellent cooks while South Korean women are terrible cooks. North Korean chicks immigrate to New York (less than 0.01% can immigrate others because they are under the long range psychic mind control of Kim Jung Il) while South Korean chicks immigrate to Los Angeles or UC Berkeley.

[edit] Vietnamese Chicks

This Vietnamese woman is doing a typical ritual dance before mating; notice how her moves resemble Britney Spears' moves in "Oops I Did It Again". Even though they are known to be communist (thus, if an American marries one, he will be sacrificed to Ithaqua), there are few lady boys since altering their sexual organs can be considered punishable by death (for once, God bless communism, although communism is unlike capitalism in that it doesn't need your primitive ideas of 'God'. YMMV).

• Vietnamese girls have been raped and fucked tiger style up by Chinese for almost over 1,000 years when the Chinese ruled and banged them night and day for centuries so they mostly look Chinese.
• But in the classroom they fall behind Chinese (foreign born or adopted), Japanese (foreign or adopted) but are far ahead Thai chicks (foreign or adopted). If raised in the US, however, they are far smarter than all the others. FOB = SMART
• At least there's one thing you can be sure of if you date a Viet girl-you'll always know her biological parents!

• If you date a Viet girl, make sure to use your psychic powers and ask her if she's a nail technician ( 1/3 Vietnamese work in nail salons the other 2/3 have).

• Ret 's hope tey cap ab re to speek teh eeng rish rang wage, chin ching chong chang chee, ah so.

[edit] Japanese Chicks

Supposedly not classified as human and deemed harmful for white males to procreate with, the Japanese subspecies are probably the smartest of the dumbest race ever known. The Japs build or made robots to act like human, but humans there appear to behave like robots. Japanese women normally don't express emotion, although they pretend to be smiling when approached by white males.

Japanese women are of the most uneducated Asian Chicks in the world, who need to make money by prostituting. Japanese women likes fact that British men have the modern attitude. Japanese women like to wear small shoes and be gently made love to with huge cock. They also have small eyes, small height and large credit card debts. But most importantly, Japanese women need to have dangly things on their cell phones. Japanese women are leading the way in forest protection, as the evidence is clear in their nether regions. However, some have they tendency to stroll the streets nude, making guys on the street stop to masturbate. Blowjobs are given for free if you buy them a manga.

[edit] Chinese Chicks

Red Chinese chicks, especially the Mongolian variety, are the best choice if you love a tiger in the bed. Just remember to stay in charge and not get intimidated in the bedroom; sex is a battle, and the Chinese invented 孫子兵法 "sun zi bing fa" The Art of War. Chinese chicks generally keep their snatches squeaky clean, however they don't shave their under-arm hair.

In China you can get a massage, a foot massage, a shampoo, visit a KTV club all with a happy ending. Every hotel in China has a special floor, from that floor you get a phone call and the chick says 您喜欢按摩吗？ "nin xi huan anmo ma?" (Would you like a massage?). She really wants to come up and 打炮 "da pao" (blow your canon). Asian chicks have a serious “white fetish” fixation. Many will get round eye surgery. They like doggy style sex and don’t like to be though of as dogs. Chinese chicks can be quite scandalous. Chinese chicks marry you at the drop of a hat even if they are already married and will pester you about your "single certificate" (dan shen zheng ming 单身证明), in fact these are the first words hopeful parents teach their young Chinese daughters.

In China a date can consist of a half dozen chicken feet and a bottle of beer. Just be ready for an all-nighter. Chinese chicks always say "我爱你 wo I knee, I lob you". In China pussy is being given away like it's free. Mothers will push their young (sometimes under-aged) hot daughters on you. They will do everything they can to get you guys banging each other. Don’t miss out on all the hot young noodle house girls. High school teachers can bang all the hot young pussy they want. Richard M. Nixon taught Chinese chicks the hippie peace sign. Something they all do to this day :) Thanks Tricky Dick! Above all remember when Chinese chicks come to America they change very quickly. Especially if they have a green card.

• Meeting Chinese Chicks - As of 2008, the best place to meet Chinese chicks is China, particularly the North, South, East and Western parts of the country.

At the Sheraton in Beijing it will be thick with aggressive starved vampire women waiting to pounce on you. Something to be seen once then avoided. The Hard Rock Café and the many other nightclubs up and down North Dongsanhuan Road you can hook up with the local college girls. Nothing here in America can quite prepare you for the onslaught of pussy in China. Chinese chicks have no problem drinking. In a nightclub they will play paper rock scissors with you for shots. At every table there will be dice. Yep you guessed it they shoot dice with you for shots. And they do this hand adding game 猜拳 "chi chuan"(literally means guess the fist) for shots, you will no problems recognizing as it is quite loud and the most popular of all hand games played for shots of booze. The only word of advice is don’t let her get too drunk as she wont make it to your room and you will have to get another one, not like there will be a shortage. Jest get two and consider the second one like a spare tire in case one of them passes out. Better yet don't let them have their way with you, say you are a virgin, have a vow of celibacy and do not drink.

[edit] Surgeon General's Warning on Asian Women

Although Asian Women seem alluring and very friendly when you first meet them, this is nothing more than a front to "Sucker you in to the spiral of doom and eternal damnation". It is a scientific fact that Asian Women are able to make anything with a penis go through living hell, within a 20 foot radius.

All Asian Women through genetic disposition have a 5 year plan hardwired into their brains to turn your happy life into a living hell, by draining your life force. A wise man by the name of Master Wu (A lesser known friend of Sun Tzu) in the 4th Century BC states that "Asian Women are indeed a beautiful flower.... just like a Venus Fly Trap". With indisputable proof from the archives of the Vatican and the lost books in the Dead Sea Scrolls, scholars now believe that the Huns and Mongols were driven to invaded the middle east and eastern Europe to escape away asian chicks.

[edit] Quotes from Mao's Little Red Book

(The speech “Spread Legs and The Cultural Revolution: A Chinese Woman’s Duty”) “Men are paper tigers. It is a Chinese Chick’s Socialist duty is to control and dominate her man; her man's balls firmly in her purse. What is a true bastion of Iron? It is the masses, the millions upon millions of hot, horny Chinese Chicks—this is the great People's Liberation Army. Such an army will be invincible! Your Twat-Cum-Fu will overpower and annihilate them. American men are ripe for the picking. Political power grows in the warm, wet and tight Tunnel Of Love and your Tunnels are like no other! Your Peach is more powerful than opium and can be used to control your man. Look hot, ladies, and hook foreign men with virtue, love and kinky sex. Your sugarcoated bullets will defeat them. The People's Liberation Army of Hot Chinese Chicks has an indomitable spirit and it is determined to vanquish all enemies and never to yield. If a woman fails in this duty it disrupts Party unity and she becomes an enemy of the people. Therefore if she fails she must drown herself seven times and then hang herself, as she is unfit as a Chinese woman.” Chairman Mao Zedong

[edit] Asian-American Chicks

Let us conclude with looking at a modern phenomena, the migration of Asian women to other countries.

Asian women were something of a rarity in the U.S. until actor Wilford Brimley began importing Asian Chicks by the dozens to work at his Liberty Medical factories. Brimley was originally able to contain these Chicks in captivity to satisfy his own deviant pleasures, but but a few managed to escape and begin breeding with the indigenous population.

The modern American-Asian chick has many costs and benefits:

[edit] Costs benefit analysis of American-Asian Chicks

Benefits: Japanese; Chinese; Vietnamese; etc. speaking skills.

Costs: English speaking skills.

Benefits: Not a dumb, lazy, fat, spendthrift who has an pathological entitlement mentality.

Costs: Your children will be half-Asian, and therefore not white - but also smarter and not on welfare.

[edit] Timeless Words of Wisdom On Asian Chicks

“There are two kinds of women in this world, hot ones and ugly ones. And Asian chicks. Yes, there are *three* kinds of women in the world.... ”

~ The Spanish Inquisition on Asian Chicks

“My tiny penis can only hold in so much when there's an Asian chick around.”

~ Mike Cho on Asian Chicks

“Who the fuck is Mike Cho?”

~ Asian Chicks on Mike Cho

“I came, I saw, I came. And came, and came...”

~ Julius Caesar on first arriving in Pattaya

"Asian Chick make empire fall quicker than invading army."

~ Sun Tzu (Sun Ce) on Asian Chicks

“Beware of Asian chicks; they will turn your gentle wife into a fierce foe.”

~ Machiavelli on Asian Chicks

“Hey, hey, I'm an Asian chick. That means I'm hot too, right? Right?”

~ Margaret Cho on herself

“Margaret Cho is proof that to every rule, there is always an exception.”

~ Mark Twain on Margaret Cho

“What the hell was I thinkin?!”

~ God on Creating asian chicks

“I love them long time.”

~ Your dad on Asian Chicks

“Asian chicks taste like Asian chicken.”

~ Martin Yan on Eating Asian Chicks

“Mmm Asian Lips! ”

~ Ben M on On Asian Chicks

“Dangerous species, them Asian chicks... never know which is the ninja gal and which is the kunfu gal.”

~ Dr. John on NInja girls

“In Sovjet Russia, Asian chicks like YOU!!”

~ Russian reversal on Asian Chicks

“Duh!”

~ Who wouldn't wanna be on Asian Chicks?

[edit] See also

• Asian People - Asian chicks here too!
• Yellow fever - Ooh, and you might want to check this one while you're at it!
• Korea
• Japan
• China
• Hispanics - Latin chicks are even Hotter!
• Black People
• White People
• Blue people
• Hot Chick
• Transgendered
• Transsexual
• Transvestite
• Tila Tequila
• Mie Hama
• mail-order bride
• racial profiling
• Art Bell - He can't get enough of 'em Azn girlz.