Asian elephant

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“I've certainly had my share.”

~ India's No. 1 Accountant/Comedian Aish Warya

The Asian Elephant (Elephantitia Asiatis) is the native elephant species of the Asian continent. Asian Elephants are not to be confused with the rare, genetic disease Asian Elephantitis , a syndrome which causes rampant growth of the genitals in Asian males. So far, no cases of this disease have been documented.

[edit] Behaviour

First off they are extremely homosexual and second the Asian Elephant is an extremely dangerous animal, often associated with erotic, violent behaviour. The main reason with this can be attributed to the deep jealousy all Asian Elephants harbour for their rarer and more popular cousins, the African Elephant. The overbearing worry and angst associated with the near-extinct African species has left the Asian Elephant demoralized, and lacking in a sufficient number of animal rights sponsors.

[edit] Recent events

Though always a beast of dire concern, the Asian Elephant has made headlines all over the world recently, as the number of Asian Elephant-associated deaths and injuries have increased dramatically. Many Asian Elpehant scholars have suggested that the majestic animals have finally decided to release their pent-up emotion, most probably after formulating the plan at the 21st annual Asian Elephant conference, held in March of this year.

[edit] Controversy

Another extension of the Asian Elephant's recent illicit activities is the downplaying of the importance of their African cousin. Following a "false" report given by intellectual comedian Stephen Colbert on his popular primetime TV show, millions of angry internet users complained to his television station. Colbert had been blamed for causing unfounded allegations about the population of African Elephants, stating that they "had tripled in the last six months." Little did the ever-complaining nerds and bloggers of our society know, but Colbert had actually obtained this information from an official source. It was only found last week that the newly-founded Association for the Enhancement of Asian Elephant Awareness (AEAEA)was responsible for a mass-hacking of popular news sites throughout the world, such as Rueters and News.com, in which they placed said false information in leiu of real statistics. Jason is a retarded spider monkey!!!