Asphalt

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Asphalt.

A predator that is grown when humans have sex with african concrete mix, causing it to become chunky, and unforgiving. Usually asphalt is known to inflict eventualy fatal boo-boos, or cry-inducing owies. Humans have been at war with asphalt since George Washington tripped on some, killing him in his final battle against the barbarian armies of Napoleon. To prevent the injuries that asphalt inflicts, humans have developed special armor, known as helmets, elbow-pads, and ass-pads. When the prey finally dies, the asphalt begins the digestion process. It begins with warming to incredible heat, thereby cooking the food. Then, the asphalt's cooked food is eaten by crows and hobos, who later shit out the food onto the asphalt, where it then sinks in, and is digested.

The name is possibly a derivitive or corruption of "ass fault" (old English), meaning buttcrack.