Asthma

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Asthma is ... (wheez) (cough) a ... (wheez) (cough) resp ... (wheez) (cough) I ... (wheez) (cough) need ... (wheez) (cough) my ... (wheez) (cough) inhaler (wheez) (cough) otherwise (wheez) (cough) ill.. (wheez) (cough) -- o_o'

  • kid comes along* : *poke* "Mister, mister.. are you alright mister?"

Diagnosing Asthma[edit]

Asthma ... (wheez) (cough) can only be ... (wheez) (cough) diagnosed by Oscar Wilde. You might ... (wheez) (cough) get Asthma ... (wheez) (cough) if you ... (wheez) (cough) breathe.


I think you will find that the word 'wheez' does not exist. I assume you are trying to spell 'wheeze'. If you are attempting to be offensive at least spell the words correctly.

People with asthma tend to die when they try to breathe, run, ride a bike, swim or masturbate, which is why all asthmatics are pretty much useless in everyday life and will soon become exctinct like the hippies, the jesus and the nazis.

Curing Asthma[edit]

Unfortunately, asthma is incurable. But there are ways to prevent an asthma attack from happening, such as not touching yourself at night [you dirty, dirty boy], turning around six times and praising the lung god (without getting dizzy), and beating emerald WEAPON.

BREAKING NEWS!! A cure for asthma has been found! and it doesn't involve eating worms (shame...i thought worms were quite tasty but anyhooo... Student doctors studying at Leeds Univserity (UK) had been studying the effects of a treament for asthma on donkeys and having done extensive trials to this treament using donkeys they then transferred onto human trials. Unfortunately during the first set of human trials they had an extremely high morbidity rate of 99% and it is for this reason the researches decided to scrap the idea of running patients over with a car over and over again and came up with a new idea. The researchers have tested this on humans for over 3 years now and have finally found a cure for asthma with the potential for it to be used to treat many other diseases such as diabetes, cancer and schizophrenia. The cure for asthma is an incredibly simple one and it is amazing nobody had thought of it before as it has 100% sucess rate. The real name for it is Tiearopey Aroundthenecky Andhangoneself Fromatreeuntiloneisdead and the treatment which will be provided free of charge consists of tying a rope around the neck of the patient and hanging them from a tree until they no longer breathe and therefore are asthma free! But if you are too lazy to read all that, then just kill youself, please do...

Asthma and Education[edit]

Here I am to educate you on Asthma. Asthma is not real. It was invented by fat Americans for their even fatter children. Young fat children, most likely living in Alabama or another ridiculously hot and unpleasant state, having trouble breathing especially when they attempt physical activities. This includes but is not limited to; walking to Mcdonalds, chasing down coons, cutting firewood for nightly cult rituals, running for the ice cream truck, having sex with their sisters. As you can see for a overweight child this would be increadibly exhausting, which leads to the invention of Asthma (or Pancakes as it was formally called). At any rate Asthma can be treated with drugs. Fat people inhale these drugs to get high. I would want to be high all the time too if I was a fatass that had to look at myself in the mirror just to see my feet. Thats why people with asthma can't do anything. They are lazy drug addicts that choose to sit alone enjoying their drugs and wallowing the in the self pity of their obesity.

     "Sorry, I can't do another concert, I have Asthma." 
                         -Britney Spears on having asthma, and being an overweight drug addict.

Funny, inhalers don't make you high. Unless you count tachycardia, skin flushing, the shakes, headache, muscle cramps, generally feeling of unwellness etc as being 'high'. Hmm, sounds a barrel of laughs, let me go find my inhaler- I want the shakes too!

Do I Have Asthma?[edit]

TL;DR version: Yes. You have asthma if you find yourself doing one of the following:

  • Going on the internets.
  • Leiking Mudkipz.
  • 5|>3/-\|<||\|g LEET
  • Misquoting Oscer Wild.
  • Misspelling Oscar Wilde.
  • Not wanting to lift heavy objects.
  • Going to confession.
  • Watching Naruto.
  • Wondering what an inhaler tastes like.
  • Having a phobia of balloons.
  • Finding yourself slightly jealous of the Lungfish.
  • Hanging in the gallows.
  • Huffing kittens.
  • Editing this page to add to this list.
  • Breathing on a regular basis ie more than 4 times a day
  • Hating sports such as althetics (this allows you to get part way round and fake an asthma attack)
  • Hanging around with asthma sufferers
  • writing about dying allll the time <-- I think you'll find that's emo, not asthma (unless your initial are BG and EB and HMH)
  • can't watch a sitcom without puking
  • Trying to swim to mcdonalds, getting half way theng etting tired and swimming back.
  • playing WoW (extremely nooby game also known as world of warcraft...)

See Also[edit]

Monabeanhalffinished.jpg This article has a good idea and concept, but isn't finished. You can do something about it.

Asthma is ... (wheez) (cough) a ... (wheez) (cough) resp ... (wheez) (cough) I ... (wheez) (cough) need ... o_o'