Atlantic Ocean

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Unlike the Pink Pacific The Atlantic Ocean is blue, oh so lonesome for you.

The Atlantic Ocean. A sea. Rumored to be the home of the fabled sunken city of Atlantis. Home of the mysterious Atlantic trapezoid where boats disappear regularly. Located between the Americas and Eurasia, and as such is also known as "the big queasy".

It is an extremely large, wide expanse of an unknown material, on which boats can float if they dare so. Some scientists have suggested that this is not an ocean at all, but rather a whole lotta l'eau, but these theories are unproven and completly unfounded.

Dimensions[edit]

3000 light years x 8000 light years x 2.7 cubits. Roughly (within 0.0000001% error).


Flora And Fauna[edit]

The Atlantic is geographically located somewhere inbetween the USA, Fordlandia, Greenland, Brython, Spain, Mecky Co. and Libya.

The Atlantic Ocean has a wide ranging collection of bitches and hoes, of which only 75% are dangerous and only 65% of that will eat you given half a chance. The Atlantic is well known for its healing properties, which are achieved by deep inhalation.

Creatures found in the Atlantic include:

  • Dragons
  • the ever-elusive Jesus fish
  • Jaws
  • Jews
  • Mermaids
  • Mermans
  • Sea cucumbers
  • Sea lettuces
  • Sea Caesar salads
  • Spongebob Squarepants of course!
  • The Titanic
  • Fish
  • Lions
  • A crazy old man called Mike, who lives in an undersea lair made out of balsa wood.
  • Various superheroes and supervillains, especially Fishboy and his arch-enemy Sharkanon.
  • Uwe Boll
  • Mermaid man and Barnicle Boy
  • Some guy floating around on driftwood
  • Unicorns
  • The rare Moses Fish
  • My friends Anna and Timmy, just looking for a good time. Sadly they never admitted how much they loved each other. Sigh.
  • My good friend Bob whose unexplainable ability to pick up chicks in a bar baffles us all even though he is somewhat constrained by a slight heart murmur. I digress.
  • MC Hammer's career
  • Bob the Builder
  • Jimmy Hoffa
  • A suprising number of potato chips
  • Wilson
  • Dallas Cowboys because they are hiding from the Giants

Crossing The Atlantic[edit]

Crossing the Atlantic is a dangerous pastime, and only three people have ever done it and lived to tell the tale.

The first crossing took place in 1894 when the world-renowned explorer and part-time monarch of Great Britain, Victoria, paddled the 3000+ mile width of the open in a giant walnut bathtub. All she had with her for this rather daunting trip was a tin of peaches, three loaves of bread and a rubber duck called Brian. She completed the voyage in 209 days, only stopping once half-way for directions.

The second crossing took place in 1964. Then, an unknown man and his dog, both from Mexico, climbed into a barrel in an attempt to get over the USA/Mexico border. Sadly, he made a steering miscalculation, and spent the next 198 days slowly drifting along the Gulf Stream towards the United Kingdom, where he was caught, stuffed along with his dog, and placed in a glass cabinet in the Victoria and Albert Museum, in honour of Queen Victoria's original feat. The man and his dog are still there to this day, just behind a painting of a group of dinosaurs playing poker.

Earth's Oceans
Arctic Ocean ~ Indian Ocean ~ Martian Ocean ~ Mediterranean
Ocean Connery ~ Pacific Ocean ~ Phlegmatic Ocean ~ Russian Ocean