Atlantis
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Atlantis is a communist sunken land also known as Megaanthropous. Since the invention of the scuba kit, it has become a thriving tourist destination. It was also the original shooting location of Saturday Night Live, until New York was rebuilt following Canada's Atomic strike on America.
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[edit] History
[edit] Origin and first Alantis
The Atlantean civilization was actually founded by Itallian for about 9,000 B.C., or about 11,000 B.C.E., which translates to 13,636 Dollars Canadian, which is 7686.5 Euros, or 133,333,337 Indian Rupees...getting off track here. One thing we do know is that it was long enough ago that creationists don't believe in it. The forefathers of the Atlanteans came to Earth in search of some nookie, having heard that Earth girls are easy. They were not mistaken (oh boy were they not mistaken!). The foremothers of the Atlanteans were a bunch of little foretrollops who agreed to go for a ride in a flying saucer and thereafter put out.
After the forefathers of Atlantis found out that they were going to be forefathers, and were unable to convince the foremothers to “get rid of it”, they quickly left the planet. About nine months later, the Atlantean civilization was born in what is now a brothel.
The civilization thrived in Hawaii for many centuries, building temples, citadels, palaces, and Wawas. They cultivated a rich, vibrant culture with rituals such as luaus, pig roasts, and some really radical surfing. Finally, the gig was up. According to the official story, the First Atlantis sank into the sea. However, it should be noted that at the time of the alleged sinking, the Atlanteans were under investigation by Hawaii 5-0 for cultivating some funky cash crops. Some historians believe that the island of Atlantis never really sank at all, but was moved over and renamed “Maui” and the cash crops became what is today known as Maui-Wowie.
[edit] Second Alantis
Following the alleged sinking of the first Atlantis, and the almost certain information that a raid was pending, the Atlanteans decided to lie low for a few centuries. A Second Atlantis was opened on a low-lying island off the coast of Bimini. This island did, in fact, sink into the sea, and the Atlanteans escaped in a Yellow Submarine.
[edit] Third Alantis
The third and Final Atlantis was erected on the volcanic island of Thera, also known as Santana. It is still a mystery why any civilization would choose to establish itself on an active volcano (see Unusual civilsation settlements) however, some historians speculate that the rent was really low and they had a great balcony. At any rate, establish they did, and, under the watchful leadership of their great Lizard King, Morrison, they built pyramids in honor of their escaping the sinking of the Second Atlantis.
These pyramids were set atop the island’s highest mountain, Mont Ana. In them lived some gods who were later appropriated by the Greeks. The father of these gods was Zeus “the Moose” Olympus, who was mean as hell and had a really short fuse. He was very upset that Scarlett O'Hara dared to build the O'Hara airport next to his mountain. (O'Hara was also known for inventing hula hoop skirts, worn by Hawaiians).
Sometime after 1700 B.C., but before 1966 A.D., the Atlanteans did something that really pissed off Zeus. Legend has it that they offended his daughter, Artemis, by drawing a picture of her with lots of boobies. However, myth has it that they ran out of wine with which to offer libations to Zeus, and instead used some really cheap American beer, possibly Milwaukee’s Best or Stag.
Anyway, Zeus caused the entire island to a splode, fall over, and sink into the sea, in that order. Those Atlanteans who did not fry, suffocate, or drown, got surprise buttsecks or become Scientologists respectively, escaped to neighboring islands like the LBI, New Jersey and Wildewood, where they founded the great Nation of New Jersey.
Some found a way to rebuild it underwater, and it thrives as the urban metropolis it is today.
[edit] Operation Nuke-Atlantis
Somewhere along the line they found a way to recycle missles and pr0n into more missles, and began bombing New York. Very few escaped to tell the tales of these bombings, but even so, after 20,094,546 consecutive raids, a few reports finally got through.
Following these reports, NSA, along with the Russian and South Korean governments and the Wraith launched a program code-named 'Nuke-Atlantis.' The premise for this strike was made apparent when Russian Leader Slovadan Milochovicz contacted the Atlantean leader (Al Gore) and asked them to stop producing fusion power and to cease injected Baluga Cavier with hyper-strong strands of the HIV virus. When they refused to do this, all three countries sent nuclear war-heads to the bottom of the ocean, where they were detonated in unison. Unfortunately, the Atlanteans had developed a force field type device similar to the one's used by the aliens in the movie Independence Day and were left completely unscathed during the siege. Since then peace talks have been initiated, but Russians still receive HIV from having caviar eat THEM!!!
[edit] Geography
[edit] Topography
Alantis's urban area is underwater, which is bordered by Nova Scottia to the East. It lies on a submergent coastline, where the ocean level has fallen due to recent human redevelopment on the unique limestone topography. Alantis is not affected by significant earthquakes (the last quake topped out about to 2.3 on the Ritcher scale). The urban area has around 289 harbour and ocean beaches, including the famous Alantean Habour. The urban area covers 1,687 km2 (651 sq mi) as of 2009.
Geographically, Alantis lies over two regions: the Alantean Plain, a relatively flat region lying to the south and west of the harbour, and the sea region of Nova Scottia, a limestone plateau lying mainly to the north and dissected by steep valleys. The parts of the city with the oldest development are located to the South East, where the Numenoreans first settled.
[edit] Climate
Alantis has a temperate climate with wet summers and wet winters, and no rainful 'cuz it's underwater. The weather is moderated by proximity to the ocean. The warmest month is January, with an average water temperature range of 18.6-25.8 °C (65.5-78.4 °F). There is an average of 14.6 days a year over 30 °C (86.0 °F). The highest recorded temperature was 45.31 °C (104.5 °F) on 14 January 1939 at the end of a 2-day heat wave across the Pacific. The winter is mildly cool, with temperatures rarely dropping below 5 °C (41 °F) in coastal areas. The coldest month is July, with an average range of 8-16.2 °C (46.4-61.2 °F). The lowest tempature was 18.2 °C (64.7 °F).
The summer of 2007-08 proved to be one of the coolest on record. It was the coolest summer in 11 years, the wettest summer in six years, and one of only three summers in recorded history to lack a maximum temperature above 31 °C (88 °F).
[edit] Lawsuit Against Atlantis
Atlantis is currently under a lawsuit from Awesome land for copyright infringement for stealing Awesome land mythology then not mentioning any part of it.
[edit] Culture
Atlanteans had a highly developed sense of what was cool. In addition to their great king, Bea Arthur, the Atlanteans also produced such notable poets and musicians as Ziggy Stardust, and their final king, Carlos of Santana. It is reputed, but never proven, that they built the first bong, invented beer, and developed an exclusive system of members-only housing and party invitations later appropriated by the neighboring Greeks (see Greek System).
What can certainly be determined from the archaeological record is that the Atlanteans had a written language, a code of laws, and a thoroughly developed philosophy: “shit happens”. They have also left us with a number of famous myths, including the “Tale of the Hypodermic Needle in the Phone Booth”, the “Epic of Goulash”, and “Of Course I Was a Virgin When We Met.”
Out of the many languages spoken and created by Atlantians, those of which being Latin, Pig Latin, Insultian (being adopted from the Muddafukins, which settled there circa 19 BC), Om num num, and Alantean, only Om num num, Latin and Pig Latin still exist to this day.
In addition, Reggae was invented in Atlantis by Mozart in 1497 B.C. (Canadian), and is still the driving force in popular Atlantean entertainment to this day. Or would be, if they hadn't pissed off Zeus.
[edit] Military
The military might of Atlantis consists of thousands of men, bent on the destruction of Not So Awesome Land, seeing as Lord Babin the 3rd beat them in a game of poker. They are armed with plastic knives supplied by the *cough* Canadian Forces. But they also have a knife tied to a wall, and that is known as the most powerful weapon ever.
[edit] See also
- Atlantis II (a.k.a New Orleans), the new baby brother of Atlantis which took only 2,000-5,000 years to be born...
- Stargate Atlantis, describing how dikes can be built in order to survive a tsunami, and how to travel between galaxies.
- Om num num
- Philippines
- Pen Island
- Worst 100 Locations of All Time
- Middle Earth
