Australio-New Zealdraic War
“Are the sheep ok?”
“He Poked me good”
“Fuck me, another fuckin sheep war.......that's it New Zealand, SHAME ON YOU!!!!!!!!!”
“Woah that's a lot of sheep!”
The Australio-New Zealdraic War began in 1972 and ended with the french losing yet another war. you have to feel sorry for them. oh yes and lots of people died.
Originally the issue at stake was cricket .... in particular a cowardly incident of underarm bowling in the early 1980s .... from there tempers flared.
During the 1990s, tension between Australia and New Zealand was quickly building. New Zealanders where beginning to get sick of Sheep Jokes and constently being tricked into starting wars with Indonesia. So New Zealend began to build its sheep army to gigantic proportions. The Australian Prime Minister John Howard stated "Struth, Thats a lot of sheep" and began to get aroused. The Americans, having destroyed "Old Zealand" in WWII quickly declared war on New Zealand and for good measure, Tasmania. For this reason Germany sent nein troops. Britain became confused and started bombing Mexico. New Zealand joined forces with the French, Swiss.
The war began at the Break of dawn November 1972 in Auckland. Australia sent its force of 5 men to battle the ridiculously large New Zealand army (Eg =
Men Sheep)... The Australian forces quickly destroyed the first 10 waves of advancing sheep and retreated to their rented Toyota Camry. As they slept the entire french army snuck up on them. As the New Zealanders slept, the whole French army surrenderd and swapped sides (as they are prone to do). The French attempted an assault, however they got lost and assaulted Boris Yeltsin instead.
The Australians awoke the next morning and found that New Zealand were actually 20 runs up at the change of the first innings and walked to their rental car in defeat. As they attempted to push-start the Camry they noticed a couple of men on mooses coming over the mountain. It was the Canadians, after slaughtering the French. the Aussies said "But the French were on our side when you killed them" and the Canadians said "What? We aren't on any one's side. We only want to kill the French!!" and so they all rejoiced and joined forces.
Sometime a later they noticed about 290 (rumoured to be 800) men skiing down the mountain wearing watches and carrying knives, it was the Swedes. During the conflict, one Australian (Later found to be Peter Halier) was poked with a knife and had to sit the rest of the battle out. The Swedes thought they had won and cross country skied away into the sunset.
In an attempt to end the conflict in Australias favour, John Eels made a shot at a drop goal from 99 meters out. He missed, because his legs were eaten by a Maori Following this, a Hobbit grabbed the ball and ran end to end to score a try.
Confused, as they wern't playing a game of rugby to begin with, the Australians got bored, left to make love to whoever shot Amanda Vanstone, dig for Uranium and make a bunch more bestiality jokes about New Zealand.
The hobbit was later identified as Rove
The remaining Australian forces (all of them actually) picked up Rove and set sail back to the wide, brown, flat, dry, hot, mostly humid, loud, under-populated, parched, dehydrated, waterless and soaking wet (in Queensland) country to the West of New Zealand, where they promptly passed out in a beer-induced coma. After coming to they were met with much rejoicing and merryment, the result of which everyone passed out in beer-induced comas. One man was found to be drinking champagne and was promptly shot by Boony.
The Moutons The Moutons as they came to be known consisted of:
The Axis Of G'day Cobba The Axis Of G'day Cobba (or AOGC) consisted of:
- Super Asia
- France (they really have a problem with this- they just don't want to lose).
Note: Some experts have tried to claim that France can't be on both sides. But according to Erwin Schrödinger this is possible, so long as a French cat as kept in a box. Or something like that. We never could understand those Germans. And besides, the French tried it in World War 2 and it worked. So there. It only killed a couple Jews.
Not much really. The Australians agreed not to laugh constantly at New Zealand in return for New Zealand killing the rest of their human-sheep hybrids, as it was beginning to get creepy. The French apologised for their mistakes and are now trying to rebuild their army. The Canadians are happy because many French are now dead. The Swedes have joined countries with Switzerland to create "Swederland" so as not to confuse any more geography students. The Americans just stood round are were like, "Seriously dude, what the FUCK?! We want the Sheep!!".
The real aftermath can be seen in the fact that New Zealand, in yet another bite on the hand that feeds them, insisted on referring to the country Australia as "Aussie." The term "Aussie" is used by those who have evolved beyond sheep shagging as a person from Australia, and not Australia itself. This, and other signs of decreasing intelligence were originally thought to be a result of germ warfare on the behalf of Australia, until they realised "Oh, yeah, they're not suffering any side effects, they're just Kiwi's!" France got it's feelings hurt, Canada was happy and America threw its grotesquely obese weight around again. So it was a happy ending.
It seems that New Zealand has claimed war again on Australia, but this time the number of sheep are in biblical proportions. The primate minister ape of New Zealand has declared that "wuth Australua having Mt Isa, fat and oogly chicks wull never have to be seen in thus beautuful lund of new zealund"