From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

“Mommy, I want a car for my 9th birthday!”

~ Some 8 year old girl on free driver's licenses

The Autopia Expressway system is Disneyland's national highway system. Besides the Monorail, it is the only method of transport inside the borders of the confederation, and is most likely one of the major culprits in Global Warming.

It is famous for being the only road system with no restrictions on driver's licenses, as anyone taller than 132 centimeters is automatically licensed to drive motor vehicles. Needless to say, Midgets get pretty miffed by the policy.


Autopia Expressway was built in the late 1950s by the Cloverleaf Corporation, much to the dismay of residents of Tún Town whose Red Car trolley system had been bought out by the unscrupulous company. Thanks to the contract given to Cloverleaf by Mickey Mouse the Great, planned boycotts would have no effect on the company.

Shortly after being opened, bumpers were made mandatory on all vehicles entering the expressway as a half-assed attempt for safety, as very rich and powerful friends of Mickey Mouse the Great had their expensive Porches and Lambourginis scratched while being taken for joyrides by their spoiled teenage brats.

In 1999, the confederation of Disneyland was trying to renew Tomorrowland's reputation as the World of Tomorrow™, and decided to make it mandatory for all vehicles entering the Autopia to use their advanced new automated guidance system. In order to remain Y2K compatible, this advanced system was created by the most brilliant minds in the industry.

The "guide rail", as it became known, worked better than expected; there has not been one traffic accident on Disneyland soil since.

Current Status[edit]

Previously, Autopia was one of four transportation systems in Disneyland along with the Skyway, PeopleMover and Monorail mass transit systems. In 1994, the Skyway was destroyed in a suicide attack by members of the Pirate Liberation Organization in the 11-9 attacks. The PeopleMover went out of operation after bombings damaged both cars and tracks in 1995.

Heavy traffic resulting from the closure of the Skyway and the PeopleMover

After these events, the highways have become extremely congested, and traffic levels are at an all time high. Matters are made worse by Disneyland's policy of giving free driver's licenses to absolutely anyone who passes through the Autopia. Rush hour usually lasts until closing time.