Avenue Q

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Don't look at the muppet, honey. He might be rabid.

“It's like The Shining, but with muppets.”

~ Average Joe on Avenue Q

“I visit Avenue Q often...muppets are so much fun to have sleepovers with!”

“On the campaign trail,Vice-President Cheney enjoys shooting up Avenue Q, lawyers, and biting the heads off of live bats and liberals.”

“I'm almost as unhappy about President Obama's policies on health care as I am about the rampant discrimination against muppets, black people, gingers, Jews, and Hispanics in the supreme court.”

Avenue Q is a street in the south Bronx. Habitated by muppets, perverts, and Lebanese falafel vendors, it is a dangerous place for anyone of Midwestern descent to go to. The human population of Avenue Q frequently mix with the puppets, leading to 42 charges of beastiality as of January. One of America's least safe neighbors beyond the state of New Jersey, its population is best broken into three distinct groups: Perverts, Lebanese people, and Muppets.

The Perverts[edit]

Does this really require an explanation? Yes.

The only non-swarthy humans on Avenue Q, they are primarily gingers. Due to their pasty complexions and fear of the sun, they are frequently unemployed and spend time stalking people through Facebook or working as self-employed prowlers, peeking in windows and stealing underwear. It is believed that the great white ginger Ron Weasley has moved into the neighborhood, but this has yet to be confirmed. They frequently engage in muppet sex or masturbate into coffee cups. Avenue Q is also home to one of the largest colonies of a rare, mythical ginger subspecies: the albino gingers, creatures with strawberry-blonde hair that is almost gingery, and skin so pasty, they incinerate when near halogen lightbulbs or any higher level of light.

A Avenue Q ginger holding a crude sex toy.

The Muppets[edit]

The strangest part of Avenue Q, the muppets are a humanoid subspecies that live only on Avenue Q and Sesame Street. Made of brightly colored felt, they talk in garbled English, similar to that heard in Chinatown and Quentin Tarantino movies. Their voices were used in Jay-Z's rap, Ghetto Anthem (It's A Hard Knock Life). They are frequently employed by PBS and movie studios for horrors. Due to anatomical incorrections, they lack a variety of body parts, such as ears and reproductive organs. However, they are still endangered by gingers. Several of them have also participated in Class Rights Litigation against the Lebanese people.

Muppets often gather in large, brightly colored areas. Note the reincarnation of Sylvester Stallone as a muppet in the center of the image, and Danny DeVito looking totally freaked out in the right background.

The Lebanese Falafel Vendors[edit]

At last, the normal New Yorkers. These greasy Mediterraneans ooze cologne on the sidewalk and fill the air with the stench of garlic and Brut. They primarily are falafel vendors whose run-down carts play host to loud foreign music, loud foreign language, and loud paintjobs. But these homely people are not as innocent or clueless as they seem. In fact, they are some of the best hustlers of olive oil, garlic, and Heroin and in the entire city.

Lebanese con-men hard at work on Avenue Q.