Tenacious D

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Tenacious D is the soul of rock, manifested in two of the greatest musicians in the world—Jack Black and Kyle Gass, who were well-known for their ability to sing inwardly. Oh my god, shit! This is the AWESOMEST band in the world.

Jack Black and Kyle Gass are an awesome combo, Kyle is awsome at the guitar and Jack comes up with the funniest lyrics, such as in Malibu.. 'Making a poo, stinky poo, looking at you..' he is awesome at evey movie he has ever been in (Except Nacho Libre and The Holiday).

Infused with the power of pure rock, Black and Gass set out to conquer the world. In one infamous incident, they incited a riot that smoked up City Hall, and strangely resulted in an (alleged) mass potato famine in Idaho. With City Hall in ruins, the D formed its own constitution, founded on four basic tenets, set up for the good of the land:

  • To legalize cannabis.
  • To fuck her gently.
  • To convert all forms of public transport into tube-travel technology, thus bringing an end to pollution caused by car exhausts and ocean dumpage, though inadvertanly saw a 75% rise in tube-related deaths.
  • To break down the barriers between rich people and poor people, so that the peoples of the world would all live as one.(they would live in the hobo section)

(Note: The 4th tenet is not confirmed,as the duo had to "think about that one")

History[edit]

The following is not just a list of bullshit that they've done in the past. It is also a chronicling of their rise to power:

  • Rode with kings on mighty steeds across the Devil's plain
  • Walked with Jesus and his cross. The D claims that he didn't die in vainn NO!
  • Ran with wolves
  • Climbed K2
  • Stopped a moving train
  • Traveled through time and space. Their objective was to rock the house for a second time.


NOTE: They started riding and there is no chance of them subsiding. Beware. If you say, "You do not ride," to the D, they will tan your fucking hide.(RIDE!)

The Road[edit]

The Devil made them dance and play naked...


With the Republic of D formalized, Black and Gass embarked on a spiritual journey through the land. They travelled down many roads, all of which were made of fucking tough stuff. Seriously, those roads don't take no guff. Along the way, they met up with an old friend and musical inspiration, Dio, and made some goulash with him—into which they added a hint of poison, and stole Dio's cape and sceptre while he lay foaming at the mouth. They thanked him for the goulash.

One of the D's most famed exploits involved a meeting with a shiny demon while travelling down a long and lonesome road. Said demon demanded they play for him the best song in the world, for fear of losing their souls to his insatiable appetite. Refusing to release the soul of rock from their bodies, the D harnessed their powers and did indeed play the best song in the world, whereupon the demon was vanquished. Sadly, the D have since been unable to reproduce the best song in the world, possibly due to an excess of cock pushups, kielbasa sausages and junior western bacon cheeseburgers. However many tenacious d'ologists believe that the song which they claim to have played in tribute is actually the ownage song 'beelzeboss'.

After the release of their first album a popular band Disturbed recognized their talent music and wrote a song which was secretly a tribute to Tenacious D. This song was included in distubed's next album Tenthousand Fists and named Deify.

The epic tale of the D came to an end after they successfully located the fabled Pick of Destiny, whereupon, fed up with having to listen to Black's inward singing, Kyle quit the band. In response, Black administered a karate chop to Gass's neck and general torso area, which rocked his fucking socks off. Gass managed to escape Black's subsequent attempt to suck his toes, but, days later, was attacked by a bear. Fortunately, Gass was saved by a man known only as Lee, wielding a shotgun and a highly-effective chair.

After his explosivo ordeal, Gass returned to Black, and reformed Tenacious D, making Lee an inactive, lifetime member of the band. To this very day, they continue to perform as a successful double team, notable for their rock-hard tasty abs and skill at hard fucking, due to excessive rock squats. Gass is also recognized as a talent on his own, classed as the only guitarist to be able to play electric guitar on an acoustic guitar (as seen in the video to Tribute). Not even Eric Clapton could do this without mimicking the guitar sounds.

The band will soon join forces with The White Stripes to form The Black and White Stripes. They will record the soundtrack album for the upcoming Postman Pat live action film, staring Nicholas Cage as Postman Pat.

Controversy Surrounding Potato Famine[edit]

The claim of a mass potato famine in Idaho, while once widely believed to be true, has recently been called into question. Gass himself claims to have travelled all across the state, only to be shocked upon the discovery of potatoes covering the great state (figuratively of course,a literal coverage of spuds is a ridiculous notion). Black maintains that there was in fact a famine, going as far as to state "Dude, the red phone was flashing"

There are many people who believe the idea of a famine was actually just a ruse by Black in which he informed Gass of the famine in order to distract the portly guitar god while J.B called an emergency meeting of Parliament to remove K.G from power. Others still believe that Black went as far as to poison the wine of his partner "for the good of the land". Gass loyalists, or those who sided with Gass in the big Tenacious D split (i.e cops) maintain that Gass was aware of Jables' nefarious plan and poisioned Black's wine...as well.

Albums[edit]

Their very 1st album was released back in the days, when they used to fuck with alizaize. Back in the dawn of time, Jack Black and Kyle Gass wrote Monster Ballads for Dinosaurs. But since the dinosaurs had no CD players, the 1st album wasn't a great success. Then after some heavy dope smoking, they made a comeback in 2001, they released their 2nd studio album which was self titled with big hits such as: 'Let's Tribute To Joy Division', 'Fuck Her Genitalia' and 'I Wonder About That Boy'. Then in 2006, they released the soundtrack to their own movie titled 'The Pick Of Destiny'.

  • "Tenacious D"
1. Oscar Wilde's Kielbasa
2. D Note Consistantly With A Bend Making It Sound Like A D Sharp
3. Let's Tribute To Joy Division (And Celebrate The Ironing)
4. I Wonder About That Boy
5. Hard Motherfucking
6. Fuck Her Genitalia
7. Explosivo Massivo
8. Dido (Has Rocked For A Long Long Time)
9. Inward Bellybutton
10. Kyle Quit The D
11. The Road (To Nowhere)
12. Cock Squatting
13. Lee (We're Talking Fucking Lee)
14. Friendshipping Test
15. Friendshipping
16. Karateeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Schnitzel
17. Karate-a-hey-a-hey
18. Rock Your Cock off
19. McDonalds
20. Double Tag Team
21. Shitty Shitty Shitty City Hall Hall Hall Hall Hall

Includes hidden track: 'Malibu Mixed With Tequilla'

  • "The Pick Of Destiny"
1. Kickapoop
2. Classicoco
3. Baby Back Ribs
4. Destination Anywhere (Bon Jovi cover)
5. You're Fucking History, Boy!
6. The Uncyclopedia Tottaly Rules, but the estableshment still sucks.
7. Farter Exploder
8. The Divide Of 25 and 5 is 5
9. Papa New Guina (He's My Sassafrass)
10. Dude (I Totally Had Sex With Your Mom)
11. The City is Broken! (Storm The Gate! Free Food!)- * also known as Track 11
12. Car Chase Pile Up
13. Beelzeboss (The Final Ho-down)
14. (i)POD
15. Full On Metal

Their Movie-----The Pick of Destiny[edit]

A synopsis of Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny. Long as fucking time ago, in a town called Kickapoo, the black sheep of a humble religous family, J.B., runs away and comes across a buskin' crazy-bitch, and J.B. thinks he is the best, His name is K.G. the form a band called Tenacious D, they find out about the P.O.D., and they try to get it. This is a movie about Friendship, Rock, Satan, and Cock Pushups. They have an awesome all star line up, the first Number, starts with Jack and Kyle Playing, they have Meat Loaf and Ronnie James Dio sing along with Jack. and thats just the begining, this is a great movie for Tenacious D fans everywhere. the release date for DVD is Feb. 27, 2007. go and Buy it, Satan Commands You!

The movie was supposed to be a reconstruction on how the band was originally formed. The D got their name because Jables has a mark on his ass that says "Tenac". Rage Kage has ass mark too. His says "ious D". "Tenac""ious D" Satan disapproved to these claims as he said quote "the story is false cause i have never lost a rock-off...EVER!" Anyway,this is obviously the GREATEST MOVIE EVER.

Trivia[edit]

  • What does 1 and 1 make? And 2 and 1?
  • Once every hundred thousand years or so what happens?
  • What techniques were developed in Hell?
  • Who might have to gargle Mayonnaise?
  • Who is J.B.'s Father? (The Real Father)----> [A.Sasquatch]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKOucA27K-g Or[B.Meatloaf]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwQNEXJI3io
  • How many Cock Push-ups can Jack do?
  • What tried to kill the metal first?
  • How much better is his brother than J.B.?
  • Who is going to rape K.G. if they do not blow doors down?
  • Who can kill a yak from 200 yards away?
  • Where will KG and JB be watching the riot from?
  • Who is Jables's compadre
  • Who dosn't need a microphone because his voice is fucking powerful?
  • In Venice Beach there was a man named _________
  • Who is the man, no, more than a man, a shining golden God?



ANSWERS - 2 and 3, The sun doth shine and the moon doth glow and the grass doth grow, Cock Pushups and the Powerslide, Kyle Gass, A.Sasquatch, 1 is all you need, Punk Rock, 10 times, Beelzeboss, Young Nasty Man, On a monitor 20 floors below sea level from a bunker, K.G, Jack Black, Kage, K.G. Soloman 5000

See Also[edit]