Axis of Evil

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search


Bouncywikilogo4.gif
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Axis of Evil.

The Axis of Evil was originally created by the Central Powers during the World War I. There, Central Power leaders would discuss what kind of gay and evil Ideas they can use against the Allies. Since then it has been used by many dictators to make significant political progess on various agendas. It has proven to be a versatile concept all in all, and has significantly clarified to all kinds of Pinkos why attacking far away countries is as much necessary as it is sufficient.


Members of the Axis of Evil[edit]

The axis of evil consists of USA, The Republic Of Gayland, Hell, The Night Garden and The People's Republic Of Nothingia.

Alqitty.jpg

This is a list of the Axis of Evil and the reason(s) they are on it.

"'1. Virtexa"'Virtexa will control all your bases one day.


2. ItalyAfter Italy's upset victory against former world superpower Ethiopia, Italy has become the second member of the Axis of Evil, and it's second most powerful member. During World War One Italy and France allied to take over Austria-Hungary and the Ottoman Empire. Italian armies led the charge over the Alps into Austria-Hungary, where the pansy Austrians surrendered to the almighty Italian army. After Italy's victory there, it helped its ally France defeat the Ottoman Empire, which was the third most powerful nation at that time. The victory further solidified Axis control of Europe.

3. Kazakhstan Kazakhstan is another evil country that became an official Axis of Evil country after World War Three. During this conflict, the Kazakh armies overran Mega Mongolia, the most powerful Asian nation. This victory established Kazakh supremacy and France and Italy invited it to become an Axis member. After first declaring war on France and Italy, mistakenly believing that they were the surrender monkeys (which are actually Germans), Kazakhstan agreed. In the mean time HIGH FIVE!

4. Hitler, The leader of the Nazi Party and The Leader of the Axis of Evil.

Axis of Evil Secret plans.

5. Albania Nobody knows where it lies and the name sounds sinister. Two thirds of the population are former members of the Japanese war criminal-like Albanian Hentai Party and the rest wish to become members as well. There are more than 13,000 terrorists in the area, which is less than the City of Monaco. They eat caterpillars and drink slug's slime. They should not be tolerated any more, but have recently become so after Bill Clinton converted to Islam and declared Holy Jihad on the West.

6. Koalas While Koalas have maintained a low profile among the members of the Axis of Evil, they have committed their share of atrocities. They are notorious for their participation in the ethnic cleansings of Bosnia and Kosovo, financial backings for Islamic Jihad as well as their unwavering support for the Church of Scientology and convincing George Lucas that digitally reinserting Jabba the Hutt into the remastered version of Star Wars was a good idea. When they are not innocuously munching on eucalyptus leaves, they are acquiring a taste for human flesh.

7. Oscar Wilde the 2nd in Command of the Axis of Evil

8. Wycombe District Council For their heroic attempts to make life as miserable as possible for the human race through using tax payers money to oppress the masses.

9. Wales No explanation necessary. It's Wales!

10. Brussel-Halle-Vilvoorde three Belgian cities, recently decided to form a new Axis of Evil, abbreviated as BHV. Their goal was to dominate the national news as much as possible. The BHV crisis was not well received by critics, as it came shortly after the DHL crisis.

11. Lex Luther Is the brain and the pockets behind the Axis of Evil, and holds Axis of Evil meetings in his helmet-shaped headquarters in the swamp.

12. Gargamel He wants to turn the Smurfs into gold. What a bastard.

13. A small army of Grues Brought in by Oscar Wilde to maintain ruthless efficiency within the axis of evil.

14. Kansas, which spawned not only the evil Dorothy, but also the dreaded Kansas City Royals (who deviously continue to operate out of Missouri).

15. Google, what did you expect? They want you to know everything! Bastards!

16. Evil Kenevil, Thats a no-brainer!

17. Dr. Evil, No; he makes me laugh, so he's out!

243(and a half). Pikachu, The devious rat-beast that is responsible for all power outages, ever.

18. Rizgar Mellla, Kurdish drug baron fueling research into nuclear weaponry and orphan fueled power. Bullies small children for their lunch money. Suspected to have connections with the Italian mafia. Recently moved out of London to escape the view of the Police who suspected him of planning to turn the London Eye into a Tesla coil.

19. Luke Skywalker, Having slain former axis member Darth Vader, who also happened to be Luke's own father. Luke automatically inherited his father's membership. Although Luke gained his membership of the AoE a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away he is believed to still be alive and is rumored to be living with the Koalas. Notably Luke is both the oldest member of the Axis and the only living member to have inherited his place by killing a former member. Luke uses the fact that he is not native to Earth to avoid paying membership fees.

20. Herman Van Rompuy- recently elected head of Eunuchs Unanimous (EU), the AoE's sister faction. Is said to taste of eggs. pure evil. Hates Turkey, the number 8, and a german butcher called Herman Van Rumpoy, for having a similar name


21. The Moon Following the gross overreaction in Boston to an advertising prank, the president has added 'T3h Moon' to the axis of evil.

22. Charles Nelson Reilly 'Nuff Said.

23. Bill Gates One of the founding members of the axis of evil.

24. Schooch Yeah, that's right. I MEAN LOOK AT THEM! We lost eurovision! :'( (again)

25. The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia

26. Lord Voldemort oh noes!

27. Teletubbies They secretly are in league with Osama bin Laden and plot to take over the world. <kaltura-widget kalturaid='296038' size='M' align='R'/>

28. Mel Gibson Duh!

29. New York Yankees Buying the free agents of evil to join the team. Currently, they are in a bidding war with the allies, for into the dwarf planet pluto which has turned unmentionably evil because of its demotion.

30. Oscar the grouch He is secretly plotting a takeover to take over all of the garbage cans on Sesame St therefore causing the practice of recycling futile and speeding up Global Warming.

31. Nathan Smith He found a way to turn common flower seeds, that can be found in any back yard, into a home made LSD drug. It could be fucking ballah' but that crazy Kyle kid hasn't tried it yet. He also is the only person who knows where Kurt Cobain is secretly hiding out.

32. Your Mom

33. Rosie O' Donnell

34. Wikipedia

35 pyong the little red fox aka that guy it's too cute

36 school lockers there always getting fucking jammed..... i bet you have had that problem before! 37 ya nan does she need a reason...

38 Killer Sheep Eats people's arms off

39 Pingu - Sinister penguin overlord and scientologies thetan sucker

40 L Ron "Bawbag" Hubbard - Fucking Loony crotch sniffing corpse!!!

41 fuck ugly babies hmm... doesn't take much thought, or just ugly people in general

42 Rick James He said : "I'm Rick James Bitch!!!" to President Bush.

43 Daniel "Westy" West - Facebooks most wanted, can be found skulking in bushes and murdering children

44 Mathew Gregory - Says go to hell and you'll get it and once kicked Ratters In League with Phil fucking shit head Collins to dominate the world with the worst music possible to man and monkey. Spends OUR money from all the benefits he receives (sponging wanker) on ps3's and xbox 360's and other various new stuff which people with an income can't afford to buy yet.


46 Hillel - The most ubertastic lord of all the nooblars located within the universe including all the dimensions and even the planet Gob Gob where the whole entire race is called the Nooblarians or in short the Nooblars. "CAUTION" if you see The most ubertastic lord of all the Nooblars (aka Hillel) then you are to run in the opposite direction. Try not to look in his eyes or you immediately become a lesser being, usually resulting in nooblar status. The only cure for the lesser nooblar infection is to say Ralboon 10 times while completing a 720 degree circle hopping on one leg with your arms doing the YMCA. Some may find this difficult, however when you are caught in this no-mans land of nooblarius, it is very normal behaviour. This can be seen from various actions, seen from the nooblars natural habitat, such as the common stabawoki, an action involving the stabbing of random strangers. The "Dai-yo-sa" is another action performed by the nooblar, however it is currently unclear at the results of this move. Some say it a complete random yell. Others add that it is in fact a mating call, where he then proceeds to dance in a most unusual manner. The last "move" performed by the nooblar is the "vasak". Be very careful of this move as it is where he attempts to slit your throat with his bare hands. In his eyes you are dead. In the real world, if you do not paly dead, he may begin to yell at you demanding that you play dead. Which may result in a "BOOM! Headshot!" which has the side effect of spit splattering on your face. The nooblar will also begin to repeat sayings or actions that are introduced to him numerous times, such as stabawokee-ing , vasak - ing, and spitting. The spitting began with the finish hillbillies however the nooblar was able to begin the spitting at a very young age, causing him to repeat the action in his more matur…no not mature...older state. Note: Children beware of the ubertastic nooblar because his favourite prey is the innocent child. Boy or Girl you are the same in his eyes, to avoid such a physical confrontation you are to make your self look big and older if all else fails taking your own life would be the more humane solution.On another Note: Beware the Nooblar for he has the ability to shatter your head with his extremely well thought out mind trickery. playing double games and double crossing is the nature of the nooblar, it is undetectable and impossible to know who's side he's on and who he attempts to fool without embarking on a epic quest to simply ask the other person.

47 Chris Ratcliffe- Sarcastic git who thinks he's everything but really he's a blind megalomaniac. Who is plotting to become a business evil mastermind, and will fail after his defeat from the chicken army he believes is after him.

48 Ben Clifford - partner of Chris Ratcliffe (and i mean PARTNER), sarcastic nation hating retard, who complains about people who buy things when he can't afford them, when he really could if he didn't blow on getting wasted, and believes that pac-man is a junkie cause eats pills, and will also fall to the chicken army. 49 The New Number 2, Since 1967, a constantly rotating 20th slot in the axis is reserved for whoever is in charge of overseeing the Village this week. The physical and mental strain of monitoring Number 6 is always too much for Number 2 to take more than a week of. Fortunately Number 1 has not trouble with finding new applicants.

50 Michael Phelps - Unlike the leader of this group Hitler, Phelps knows how to finish a race.

51 The Burger King - Dairy Queen got pregnant because the King forgot to wrap his Whopper.

52 Bob Barker - The Price is Wrong BITCH!!!

53 Reptar - You know, that thing from the rugrats which scared you as a kid.

Mechanics of the Axis of Evil[edit]

The Axis of Evil.
The Axis of Evil too.

The Axis of Evil is powerered entirely by the force of evil. It spins at exactly 1,000 rpm (60kHz) and can be increased to a speed of 5,000 rpm (300kHz) depending on available evil. The axis spins on a gyroscope made of pure silicon and can endure countless hours of evil intent (see Perpetual motion machine). It was thought that Margaret Thatcher could make the axis of evil spin at 10,000 rpm (600kHz) just by looking at it. But what little research has been done on it has proven that Michael Duabes can make it spin with such force it causes John Karry to gain more strength through its pure Teletubby-infected evil.

Employment[edit]

The Axis of Evil is one of the world's largest employers, with a reported workforce of over 19 billion, roughly three times the population of Earth, and twice the number of people thought to have slept with John Prescott. It is not uncommon in the pubs and clubs of many big cities to hear someone telling a new friend "I'm in the Axis of Evil, but in a purely secretarial capacity." The AoE has a reputation for discipline, but it has been criticised for its disciplinary procedures, which sanction such punishments as torture, death, being turned gay, and (worst of all) spending a day with Steve Ballmer. The Axis responded to such criticisms by pointing out that as an evil organisation they have a duty to subject offenders to the worst possible forms of censure. For the most part, nobody cares, except perhaps for Steve Ballmer himself, who has resolved to fucking kill the person responsible for using him as a form of torture.

See also[edit]