Azumanga Daioh

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“So I was walking down the street when I got thirsty and then I saw this dog and began to fly.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Azumanga Daioh

“No thanks!”

~ Hunter S. Thompson on being offered a hit of Azumanga Daioh

Azumanga Daioh (not to be confused with Dengeki Daioh, also known as Monthly Comic Dengeki Daioh) is a hallucinogenic drug manufactured by Kiyohiko Azuma and distributed by TV Tokyo. It is taken through the eyes, and it is one of the most powerful visual drugs known. Hallucinations typically start and end with atonal music and last about 20 minutes. It is Japan's largest export since stupid but crazy game shows.

Taking Azumanga Daioh results in hallucinations of seven girls, two teachers and one creepy (pedophilic?) guy with creepy round glasses.

Legality[edit]

Since Azumanga Daioh is so accessible (it can be downloaded off the internet), it has caused many people to be addicted. The drug's dangerous hallucinogenic properties make it a serious issue to lawmakers. Currently, Azumanga Daioh is banned in the United States (with posession punishable by death), but it is still legal in Japan, where the drug originated.This drug has a 100 percent chance of making You lose your sanity.

The supernatural intelligent lifeform 'Osaka' (thinking)

Characters seen in Hallucinations[edit]

The Girls[edit]

  • Tomo Takino: Teh über hawtness.A loose cannon.And is sometimes thought to be Sonic The Hedgehog and is also Sonic's self proclaimed rival. Tomo is also known to have UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was use to electrify Chiyo. Tomo is the lovable teen who everybody hates(especially Yomi). Beware! She is EVIL! She will steal Your face and use it to terrorize the human race!

“You're too slow!”

~ Sonic The Hedgehog on Tomo Takino
  • Chiyo Mihama: Chiyo is just cute. Look at her! How can anyone not love her? If you don't you're a cruel and heartless bastard(like Tomo). Worship her and you shall be happy. Killed by a crowd of enamored old ladies attempting a giant "group hug" in the first episode. Be warned, even if just an hallucination, she can come out of your screen and eat you... with her cuteness. Many people have been brainwashed by Her brainwashing chant:Cooking Is So Fun.
  • Sakaki: Sakaki-san is a Spirit, an immortal beast! Even the life form Osaka fears Her! She has amazing power and is very talented at pwning n00bs like Tomo but somehow Kaori seems to be the only n00b to get close to Sakaki. She is also immune to Tomo's face stealing powers. For some reason She thinks cats are tasty and always tries to eat them but ends up getting bitten instead. At one point She finds a new cat species which Osaka calls Pikanyaa. Sakaki gains the trust of this cat and tries tries eat it but finds out after licking it that the taste Pikanyaas are very repulsive and disgusting and at that point makes it her friend because friends are supposed to taste bad. In the last episode when Kamineko bites Her She for the first time ever, decides that she ain't gonna take no crap from a cat. She incinerated it with Her hand and blew it to far to the other side of the Universe.
  • Kaorin: She's Sakaki's number one fan and Sakaki's "Amy Rose". She likes to to breath heavy while touching herself. She is sad pitiful thing. Kaorin is known to give off

strong demonic auras that smell like weed. She is sold into slavery to the Russian Mob. Recently found out, if you take away the i in Kaorin and move the r and switch a and o, you spell "Koran." Kaorin is secretly a Humanoid-demon-grue who has the power to kill Domo-kun and Arceus but doesn't do so because she's too busy touching herself. Knowing this proves that Kaorin IS the most powerful n00b in the world.

Zqwall cropped.gifKaorin Hell.jpg
A sad and futile attempt at destroying Master Grue-Demon Kaorin. That stick figure is a fool for trying to destroy her!
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Evil.

“ZOMG!!!! IT'S SAKAKI!! Can I have your autograph?”

~ Kaorin meeting Sakaki
  • Yomi: Yomi-san is the freak one, always worried with unreasonable bizzarities (like her fitness / weight and grades), so unlike the other girls at her age (usually worried with talking cats or leveling Tokyo in a mecha). She's always devising a way to get rid of Tomo. Almost killed after her stomach was burst open from the inside by Osaka's tentacles.
  • Kagura: Tomo's Evil Twin. Except she's good in sports too. She is not actually tan; rather, she has a large birthmark shaped like William Shatner that covers 75 percent of her body. Raped with a steak knife and eaten by Osaka. Like Osaka, she saluted Hitler at least once in the show although she was raising her hand to the teacher.
  • Osaka: So it's not her real name. Who gives a damn. But anybody would forgive you for thinking she got her nickname because she from Osaka. The nickname "Osaka" is an abbreviation of Omega Sata Andagi Munching Adolescent (OSAKA). She will stop at nothing to consume all sata andagi in existence in order to gain the power to take over the world and crush Domo-kun. Despite her spaceyness, scientific studies have shown that OSAKA is the 3rd most intelligent life form on earth (The 2nd Chiyo Mihama and 1st Miyuki Takara) surpassing the intelligence of the evil Kyoya Otori. She knows many secrets of the universe such as the true power of chopsticks and that their power can be harnessed if broken properly. She is the only one aware of Sakaki's height stealing powers.

“HEIL! JAPANESE MISTRESS!”

~ Anonymous on osaka

She later becomes a hero after throwing her left shoe at Bush.

The Boys[edit]

Boys appear many times in the hallucinations. Many of them appear to be Brothers and/or male relatives of the girls. You never learn their names, but they are allways there.. One of them was a victim of Yukari's many bike thefts. Another was a perv and asked about Yukari measurements.

The teachers[edit]

  • Yukari-san: Yukari-sensei is the English teacher/destructive robot/Prototype Teaching Unit(PTU), although said skill is never demonstrated. She seems to be fond of right; votes right, drives right (that's trouble in Japan), but besides that, she seems to be all right. In the last episode, She Killed Kimura after Kimura touched her "special places".
  • Nyamo-sensei/Yukari 2.0/Ultimate Teaching Unit(UTU):Anyting yukari can do Nyamo can do better. Long lost relative of Akira Kurosawa, Nyamo follows a career as sports teacher when she isn't in some sort of superhero olympics. She's also a longtime enemy of Yukari, rivalry that began when the english teacher stole her bike. She also enjoys protesting the Disney Channel, because it sucks.
  • Kimura-sensei: The School's pedophile. His daily activities include teaching, reading, and finding which of the school girls he will next rape and destroy any little trace of innocence left in them. He also has the power to appear anywhere at any time. Oh, he enjoys a nice cup of coffee too, and is anal about how chop sticks are used. He was killed by Yukari in the last episode. He later revives as Pedobear. OH NOES!!!!!

The Rest[edit]

  • Chiyo-chichi: God knows what in His Holy Name what the hell he / she / it is. Some speculate it may actually be God in fucked-up-cat form. Furthermore, Chiyo-Chichi can be used in times of emergency as a surf-board; or as a food-supply - as long as you don't mind bananas tomatoes everyday. Chuck Norris ain't got nothin' on him! He is like, the most powerful god ever. But his dream in life is to become a bird.
This hallucination is the probable cause of Azumanga Daioh's violent effects.
  • Kamineko: This little gray cat thing. It's name is a contraction of "Communist Neko". I think it's teething. I mean just look a- HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD! What the fuck? This isn't a CAT! Just look at its head, it's the size of a freaking cantaloupe! Look at the body, it might as well be a bean bag! Get it offa me!
  • Maya: A repulsive tasting repeller of Evil! It is a extremely rare species of cat known as Pikanyaa which have oversized melon heads, strong necks and legs to support it's head and, vacant eyes.

Maya is special because it has super powers such as:Super scratching abilities, Intimidate that surpasses that of Pokemon, swimming abilities, the power to breath under water and, tracking abilities which were used to track do Sakaki.

  • The 'Penguin': you would be forgiven for thinking that it was just Chiyo in a penguin coustume. But you would be wrong. It is really a Penguin/Parrot Hybrid who had not only ripped of Chiyo's face, but with his wondrous skill of mimicry stole Chiyo's voice as well! if you see this penguin, tell a policeman immediately or blast it's head off if you have a gun!

Effects[edit]

Azumanga Daioh, besides causing hallucinations, has a variety of effects on the user.

  • Azumanga Daioh has been known to cause the user to drive erratically. In response to the dangers of driving while under the effects of this drug, numerous protest organizations have been set up, including MADD (Mothers Against Azumanga Daioh).
  • Violent actions are another effect of taking this drug. Most commonly, the violence is against small children.
  • In rare cases, death can occur. When someone overdoses on Azumanga Daioh (known as O.D.-ing on A.D.), their eyes become unnaturally large, and the user begins wildly flailing their arms in the air, which is followed by death.
  • In many cases, there are 99.999999% headaches, mainly because of the gay but cute music, which gets stuck in your head for a long period of time, mostly 1 to 2 days of non-stop headaches.
  • One of the defining things about this drug, is that, unlike most anime drugs, it is impossible to get sexually aroused, because firstly, half the cast look about 7, and the music played is so unsexy, it can actually stop Quagmire from family guy from getting a erection. I guarantee listening to it will stop you feeling any urges for anything in the next 3 days.

Pharmacokinetics[edit]

The chemical structure of the Azumanga Daioh (AD3CH1) Animo Salt.

The LD50 of Azumanga Daioh has been measured in a variety of organisms:

A recent study in the Annals Of Psychoactive Multimedia showed Azumanga Daioh to be one of the most potent Animo-based compounds known to man, it was later surpassed by Lucky★Star which is as potent Crack. In laboratory tests using rats it was demonstrated that nearly 100% of Azumanga Daioh is metabolized by the retina immediately following exposure, often resulting in gross deformity of the eyeball at higher doses (see Effects). Due to the very rapid on-set and high potency of the drug, extreme caution is recommended for less experienced psychonauts.

Music[edit]

When taking Azumanga Daioh, hallucinations begin and end with music. The opening song is considered one of the most deadly songs in pop history. The text is mainly Japanese, but also features lines like: "Cake for you!", "Moonlight sleeping!" and "The temptation of wheat". In Japan the song never was generally accepted in society, but according to a poll on 2chan, the Japanese think various songs of the Guano Apes are worse. As a result, after the first season of distribution, all of TV Tokyo's distributions of Azumanga Daioh in Japan are introduced with the song Afternoon Delight by American one-hit wonder Starland Vocal Band. The ending song was never so controversial, since most users commit suicide before reaching the end of the hallucination.

Since the show ended, the Azumanga girls really let themselves go. They have since died of a heart attack.

See also[edit]

This article is part of the Wonderful Japan series
Culture: Bushido | Engrish | Manga | Battle Royale | Cosplay | Domo-kun | Samurai | Japanese High Schools | Japan Self-Defense Forces | Ninja Gaijin | No Gaijin Allowed | Domo-kun | PlayStation Portable | Nintendo Eightfold Path | Wii | Mario | Pikachu | Death Note | Yaoi | Hello Kitty | Doraemon | Naruto | Vocaloid | Yu-Gi-Oh!

Companies: Toyota | Nintendo | Honda | Mazda | Mitsubishi | Konami | Sony


People: Chikan | Godzilla | Junichiro Koizumi | Shinzo Abe | Shigeru Miyamoto | Sadaharu Oh | Hikaru Utada | Oda Nobunaga | Toshiro Mifune | Toyotomi Hideyoshi


Places: Tokyo | Osaka | Hiroshima | Nagasaki | Fukoshima Nuclear Plant


Organizations: CLAMP


History: Prehistory | Kamakura/Minamoto Shogunate | Muromachi/Ashikaga Shogunate | Sengoku Period | Azuchi/Oda Shogunate (Incident at Honnō-ji) | Edo/Tokugawa Shogunate | Empire of Japan | 2011 Earthquake in the Land of the Rising Sun