B3ta

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Pedazo secreto de suciedad española amarrada de la costa de londres
Slighty Liberal and Spanish Republic of B3ta
B3ta
National Flag South Africa's new goat of arms
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Los gatos y las aves antartica son creados iguales"
Anthem: "London Bridge is Falling Down"
B3tamap.jpg
Capital B3ta
Largest city B3ta
Official language(s)
Government Republic
Spanish Founder Chump Manbear
National Hero(es) Roberto and the Various Dukes of Medina
Declaration
 of Independence
1669 from Spain
Currency Hummus
Religion Church of Myopya and the Magical Donkey
Population Penguins and Kittens
National Bingo Number 51

B3ta is the local name for an independent and slightly Spanish republic off the coast of England, in the middle of the River Thames in Greater London.

History[edit]

B3ta was founded in the late 14th Century by the failure of the Spanish Armada to invade a single one of the British Isles. So as not to disappoint the Spanish King, a piece of land was secretly floated in under cover of darkness and moored to the bottom of the Thames.

Despite declaring independence in Julember 1669, B3ta was invaded many times by the English, every one ending in success for the B3tans. It survived the Great Fire of London by being surrounded by water, much to the envy of the neighbouring Brits.

In 1938 the only descendant of the Spanish founders, Don Roberto Pablo Manuel (he's from Barcelona), sensing impending war in Europe, rushed to sign a pact with Adolf Hitler. The little known Nazi-B3ta Pact dubbed Don Roberto the "Ginger Führer", and guaranteed B3ta freedom from Nazi bombing so long as B3ta promised not to make fun of the Nazis as long as the Third Reich stood. As history has shown, B3ta did indeed laugh last, and has laughed loudest ever since.

In 2001, in what was a popular foreign policy move, B3ta invaded the internet. Many battles have been since fought, most notably the sinking of the flagship of PricewaterhouseCoopers, and there were many casualties.

In late 2004, a faction of rebellious B3tans split from the main regime and started up their own community residing on the mythical talk board. Though also under the control of the Fuhrer, this minority group tends to be far more witty, intelligent, and attractive than the general population, disregarding B3ta's autistic traditions in order to concentrate on discussing orchids. Though initially hidden from the uninitiated, a signpost was soon put up directing one and all to this stunning example of banality. A further breakaway group has allegedly founded the links community, though they seem to be a harmless band of peaceniks. It is suspected that this group is funded by the Führer himself.

Inbreds[edit]

Historically, B3ta has been primarily inhabited by penguins and kittens. The Great Penguin Uprising of 1746 established equal voting rights for the penguins and gave them representation in government. Humans have had a small colony on b3ta since its establishment, but this colony has more than trebled in size since the start of the 21st Century, mainly due to the small nation's increased power. In July 2005, monkeys migrated to B3ta. However, monkeys and penguins are natural enemies, and a large battle was fought. The penguins won the battle and the monkeys were cast out.

Political System[edit]

While penguins and kittens have equal representation in government, and many advise the Ginger Fuhrer himself, humans have almost no power within b3ta. The exception to this rule is the elusive secret police force, which rules the population with a rod of carbon. Despite this apparently authoritarian control, B3ta is widely regarded as liberal, so long as its inhabitants follow the rules laid out in the Constitution of 1522.

Mythology and Religion[edit]

B3ta is said to be inhabited by a mysterious Magic Donkey which will only answer to the Fuhrer, but the exact nature and truth of this legend is disputed.

The main religion on B3ta is masturbation, with almost 99% of the population devoutly practicing it on a regular basis. The worship of this involves sacrifices such as self abuse in offerings to the great God, Myopya. Communion of any alcoholic content is also a regular part of worship, considered a great gift to the God of Mystery, Amnesya.

B3ta has the highest percentage of any population regularly practicing a religion in the world.


Famous Inbreds[edit]

  • Chump Manbear – Once driven into hiding for being confused with bigfoot, Mr. Manbear has since sought therapy and is now serving as Prime Minister of Britain. Notable Quote: "Aroo!"
  • Furtive – Resident cat burglar of B3ta, Furtive has been spotted on innumerable occasions, usually in the company of one Fluffy the Penguin. Though feared by many, Furtive has released video tapes to the U.S. government and news stations, insisting he only wanted a "bloomin' hug."
  • Teh Quo – Mythical double headed monster of rock. Enjoys group masturbation sessions and splits up every few years to re-form even stronger. Although usually found at the scene of any disaster, the quo actually spend most of their time 150 feet under the ground in a hardened bunker where they exist as nano machines.
  • The Fear – Aaaaaaaaaaaargh! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! The Fear! etc

See also[edit]