BP

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“That's bullshit!”

~ <insert name here>

BP, or 'Bullshit Pissers' (or 'Butt Phuckers') is an oil company. They traditionally manufactured the substance Oil from the fur of dead bobcats, renowned for it's greasiness and there availability in American colonies (ha...that lasted long. I've never even seen one). The Oil would be extracted from the hair, and used to power early farm Locomotives, which were pretty much known to be inferior and therefore lead to its second use,tooth ache medicine - this substance was known from then on as "gas" after the "gasoleumvagon" machinery they powered. Gasapology.jpg With their headquarters in London, Texas, the company is a large private sector (i.e. evil) energy corporation and is one of the six supermajor companies owned by Dr Evil. It employs thousands of people around the world who have been brainwashed into thinking they now own the world possibly because they own a Land Rover (a second rate 4x4 which is only owned by idiots who can't afford a Range Rover). They are the motherfucker company who let their oil leak for a few weeks already they don't care about the environment they just want to save the money for their prostitutes

Company policies[edit]

BP's Chief Financial Officer (CFO) Ross Perot

As the name suggests being a barmy British bunch of chaps, BP have kept up the British tradition of travelling the world and screwing up the places that they take over under the We Were There First Convention. Originally having exploration based in the Middle East where they found the first commercial oil field in 1764, by the late 1960s they had realised that they had overlooked a little oil region on their doorstep. It wasn't very big mind you, only this little oil and gas province known as the North Sea, you know, only a few tens of miles from their HQ in London. Not much of a big deal as one might say, apart from the fact that the UK Government relies on it's revenue to fund other things, like help the US to take over Iraq and steal more oil for example.

On the exploration and production side of things, BP pride themselves on being an environmentally friendly green company. Well, perhaps not the environmentally friendly part but their logo is green anyway which allows them to market themselves in this way. Their environmental agency has won numerous prizes for being green and clean, the most notable instances being Prudhoe Bay in Alaska where they poured over a million litres of oil into sea to kill some whales that may have threatened the fishing industry. They also realised that their dirty Lake Michigan Plant was making Lake Michigan a little dirty and so decided to blow their plant up with the workers inside. Now that's dedication to the environment.

Recent times[edit]

In recent years (Post 1800) since the large demise, and now protected nature of the creature (thanks PETA), the oil is now extracted from disposed copies of the Al Gore film An Inconvenient Truth, which has been found to cause a disastrous sort of climate change, known commonly as "climate change" or more specifically "the end of the world". Yet, people who still use it for its other purpose find it to really cure a toothache. The toothache industry became thin after the discovery of opium crops in Afghanistan, however.

BP: Petrol for a new millennium[edit]

BP's new commercial. Made in hope that the liberal crowd will buy their gas.

In 2000, BP kicked off it's "Give Me Money" ad campaign, featuring MC Hammer. The ads ran for two successful weeeks on an island of of South America, whose residents feel very strongly about nudity. The limited scope of the ad ultimately led to it's failure, and today, most financial experts classify BP as "screwed"

The company's CEO, Tom Cruise, has spent recent years living in his closet after converting to Scientology, repeating the words "doom" and "Haliburton.

Recently Blimey Petrol had a little mishap in the Gulf of Mexico where an oil rig has is spilling 60,000 liters of oil daily. The company said people can´t power their cars on whale and dolphin oil so we will just have to say buh, bye to all costal wild life in the gulf of Mexico and eastern seabord.

Leak at Sea[edit]

Curious shapes in the explosion of BP's oil platform in the Gulf

In April 2010 BP claimed that a strange bespectacled demon (Read: Possibly Cthulu) caused an explosion on an oil rig, producing a leaky gasket that could not be repaired for under $10,000. Rather than pay up, they just let it leak, killing pelicans and sea gorilla's for hundreds of miles.

The leak make the ball court too slippery for the Los Angeles Lakers to play against a zone defense from the Phoenix Suns. Kobe Briant, of the Lakers, tried to flip the Suns off for letting BP oil seep onto the court, but Kobe's finger couldn't bend to perform the gesture due to an earlier injury. Thus, he just stuck his tongue out instead, which was reproduced on the cover of Goofy & Oily Athletes Monthly.