Baba the Turk
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Baba the Turk is currently the world's most evil known criminal mastermind. According to top-secret Interpol documents, his main Headquarters of Doom is located in Istanbul, Turkey.
[edit] Known Criminal Enterprises
As the head of the world's premier global terror and crime organization, it cannot be doubted that Baba the Turk has masterminded countless illegal and cruel acts. The following is thus only a partial list of the nefarious plans which he and his henchmen have carried out.
- Secret assassination of Turkish Minister of National Secrets, Murat Yelha, 1992
- Destruction of the top-secret United Kingdom naval vessel HMS Haughty and theft of its nuclear cargo, 1996
- Covered-up kidnapping of Hillary Clinton (the then-First Lady was rescued by Turkish Batman and Turkish Robin in a joint operation with Delta Force), 1998
- Unconfirmed assassination of Osama bin Laden to seize control of the al-Qaeda terrrorist organization, 2003
- Covert coup d'état in the African country of Sierra Leone, 2004
- Unrevealed hostile takeover of the Monsanto corporation, 2006
- Huge fire engulfing the cargo section of Istanbul International Airport, Turkey, May 24 2006.
- Bribing half of the citizens of USA so that they would vote the democrats for his only desire is to spend a night in a desert with NANCY PELOSI, D.C., Apr 14 2007.
[edit] Henchmen
Baba the Turk is estimated by the United States Central Intelligence Agency to employ approximately six million people worldwide, both directly and through shell corporations, making him the world's single largest employer with almost three times the personnel of the Chinese army. Several of his henchmen have achieved particular notoriety:
- Igor (surname unknown): Baba the Turk's personal secretary and primary inventor of weapons systems and torture devices.
- Deuce Malligh: Director of Operations in Baba the Turk's organization. An accomplished assassin, known to wear an eyepatch and have a prosthetic leg.
Assassins
A partial list of the highly trained killers in Baba the Turk's employ:
- Sven the Slaughterer
- Diego the Disemboweller
- Mikhail the Molester
- Bob the Butcher
- Dirk the Defenestrator
- Penelope Automaton
[edit] Attempted arrests
- It is widely believed and acknowledged that Turkish crimefighters Turkish Batman and Turkish Robin direct the majority of their operations to the search for Baba the Turk. According to conservative estimates, they have foiled at least 618 of his nefarious plans and come close to capturing him as many times.
- Superior News International (SNI) recently reported that on May 14th of 2006, a unit consisting of elements of U.S. Delta Force, Canada's Joint Task Force 2, the British S.A.S. and other elite military groups cornered Baba the Turk and several key figures from his organization. Baba was apparently hidden in the crypts beneath Paris' Notre Dame Cathedral. SNI cited a source at the French Interior Ministry who said, under condition of anonymity, that the targets escaped through an underground tunnel.
- On April 6th, 2006, an unnamed official at the U.K. Home Office told SNI journalist Cordell Blackmoore Junior that a team of international security experts, including Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Jet Li, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Jack Bauer was being assembled to carry out an intensive search for Baba the Turk in cooperation with several international intelligence agencies. With a budget of about 3 billion U.K. pounds (10% of which was reportedly contributed by Queen Elizabeth II), this top-secret endeavour will be the largest-scale operation to date. Baba Turk has been seen to be secretly meeting with the State Enemy Number One, Bin Laden.
On April 1st 2009, It was reported that a close ally of Bin Laden, Mahmoud Alwazaldahey-al-mosri, posted a video on a website, that said Baba the Turk was the mastermind and chief executive commander of September 11 attacks, and not Bin Laden.
This fugitive has been identified to have been closely working with other fugitives including but not limited to Mr. Penguine, the Joker, the Dart Vader and the Sith lord himeslf.
This fugitive was last seen at the Natanz Nuclear Facility in Iran, where it is suspected that he is cooperating with Iranian Government in making a secret Nuclear Bomb. The U.S. FBI has set a reward of 1 trillion dollars for those who may have information about the exact location of Baba the Turk.
