Babel:1337

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Today's Featured Article - Ceiling Cat

Recently featured:

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Featured today, a long long time ago

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Julius Cæsar, featured on 31 March 2016. See the featured version.

Featured one year ago today

Featured.png UnScripts:It's Spring Break!, featured on 31 March 2019.

Nuclear semiotics, featured on 31 March 2012. See the featured version.
HowTo:Become a Master of Disguise, featured on 31 March 2011. See the featured version.

DID Y0U KN0W...

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  • ...that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (pictured)
  • ...that Beaver College changed its name to Flange College because it "too often misled wildlife conservationists"?
  • ...that in the Mesozoic Era, toasters ruled the earth?
  • …that Uncyclopedia is the worst? It is a total piece of junk. Junky junky junky junk! All of it!
  • ...that cats only pretend not to like to swim?
    • ...and that they like it even more while inside a burlap sack?
  • ...that for the purposes of espionage, a nod is not actually as good as a wink? A recent study showed a 24% higher fatality rate among spies using the nod to communicate covertly, as opposed to their winking counterparts.
  • ...that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.

IN 7H3 N3W5

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March 31: Condom Appreciation Day
you spent how much on balsa wood condoms?
  • 4000 B.C. - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms, resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
  • 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
  • 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
  • 1958 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time, in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
  • 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
  • 1986 - AIDS becomes all the rage. Condom sales increase tenfold.
  • 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms would increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.
  • 2010 - World's first condom-themed birthday party!
  • 2020 - Robotic condoms are invented.
  • 2030 - Robotic condoms, sick and tired of copulating with the female genitals turn gay!

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Writer of the month.png
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward.png
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared.png
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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