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November 8: Erectional Pleasure Day

• 1000000 BC - On the plains of Africa, the Australopithecus encounters an eerie black monolith, and for the first time in history, stands erect. Moments later, with "Also sprach Zarathustra" blaring in the background, the Australopithecus realizes his hands are now free, and begins to experiment with tool use. If you know what I mean.
• 2059 BC - Taj Mahal, "Man's greatest erection for a woman" built in India.
• 1173 - The leaning tower of Pisa gives the first sign of its famous erectile dysfunction problem.
• 1889 - Eiffel Tower erected, giving pleasure to all Parisians. Rioting ensues
• 1895 - Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen discovers x-ray specs.
• 1901 - Washington Monument erected as a reminder to all american men that their penis is more important than diplomacy
• 1923 - Joey gets a new Erector Set. He receives pleasure from it.
• 1972 - Man gets first erection on the Moon.
• 1989 - Terrorist organization Hamas superglues a 8 foot fake rubber crocodile to the Wailing Wall sparking outrage.
• 1993 - The Louvre celebrates its 2nd birthday, and the Glass Pyramid is opened. Pleasure is provided throughout France. Rioting ensues.
• 2006 - Anthony Carmine of Gears of War fame returns from the realm of the dead in on e of his many incarnations.
• 2006 - World declares national holiday as men of every race and religion appreciate their erection. Lesbians are outraged. Gays celebrate through an ancient Gay dance.
• 2006 - Grand Canyon joins lesbians in outrage.
• 2006 - Mt. Everest very excited.

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From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:

• ...that a tachyon is a subatomic particle formed when a gluon is pimped out by some righteous mo'fo's in a subatomic workshop?

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Some generic night in some generic town. A generic storm is howling down generic streets. A generic person wakes up frightfully, staring down a hooded figure holding a scythe, which does not look generic at all. You...you...you...are...the Grim Reaper? mumbles the frightened generic person Have you come for my soul? Not at all, my dear fellow a wicked smiles forms inside the hood although it's a common mistake. I am, in fact, a Brothel Keeper, but my friends call me Necropaxx. The hooded figure winks its red eyes as it waves around what seems to be, under close inspection, a squeaky rubber scythe. Yes yes, I run a nice whorehouse for hippies down the road. Also, I make cheese. Sometime I put the cheese in the toaster. Sometimes I put my customers in the toaster. Oops, did I say that out loud? The hooded figure leans more closely towards the generically frightened person, peering at him intently. I believe you will do nicely with a nice glass of Bordeaux. Yes my dear fellow. I did not come for your soul, I came for your body. Medium rare.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we shall now commence our countdown sequence. Launch sequence initiated in ten...nine...eight...seven..." (countdown is abruptly stopped as some hysterical screams can be heard in the background) "Jesus H. Christ! What IS that thing!" "It...it...it looks like a turd...but like a...like a...500 ft tall turd! IT'S THE 500 FT TALL TURD MONSTER!!" "Wait, what is that thing it's pushing just ahead of it?" "It looks like...it looks like a coal wheelbarrow?" "And what the hell is pinned to its vile back?!" "Seems like a sign...?" "What does it say?!" "Going to Newcastle. Please walk the dog."

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