Baby Eating

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
It is important to realize that there is a significant threat of un-overpopulation due to the eating of babies, and so Uncyclopedia cannot legally endorse the practice. Legally.

“Back in my day, we just called it brunch.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Eating Babies
Mmmmm. Medium Welldone.

The human baby is considered a delicacy in many parts of the world, and thus a considerable following has built around it. So-called "Babiseurs" swap recipes and tips for achieving maximum flavour and the appropriate texture. It is well-known that human baby is the best tasting food in the entire universe.

the first baby eater[edit]

it is known that Danial Munoz was the first ever baby eater. when he took his reign over cuba as Obama he had decided the baby were cubas offical dish. eventually the people adapted and started importing babies from china and other places

Boil in the Bag[edit]

Warning5.PNG

Recently, they have come under fire from Christian groups denouncing the practice as un-good. The Baby Eaters have retaliated by claiming that under the Geneva Convention it is perfectly moral to feast upon one's own children, particularly as a punishment in place of spanking or simply because they're just so damn delicious. Lee Harding has retaliated by eating their babies.

Baby Meat still remains till this day a very popular delicacy in the United States. Baby meat has been seen as the other "White Meat", surpassing sales of poultry, beef, and pork. Baby brains can be purchased on websites such as "E-Baby", and "Amazonia". The websites also sell high quality shoulder, thigh, and baby feet. Due to the recent health concerns of eating pork, "pig feet" are considered far to unhealthy to be consumed by any human being with the exception of negros. Baby feet have offered to the American community a far healthier substitute.

Bob Hardy of Franz Ferdinand is fond of baby eating, and has taken several steps to ensure that Baby becomes the official dish of Ferdiland.

This article is useful for stubbing the toes of babies, to juice them up a little.

The subject of eating babies is covered in Jonathan Swift's classical satire "A Modest Proposal" written in the late 1700's. Unfortunately, satire was invented around the late 1800's, so his story drove the Irish to actual baby cannibalism. Baby eating is slowly being rediscovered in America, especially with the advent of new "Babies in Gravy" restaurants to be opened soon across the country. The chain promises new and exciting recipes for an old-world favorite.

Guide to Healthy Baby Eating[edit]

Note: Not to be confused with eating healthy babies, okay? You get it? Great! Continue reading, then!
When you do the cooking by the book, this is the success you run into.

Before even preparing your table, stretch your selected baby's (or babies, if you're an Ethiopian orphan) limbs to and fro, much like tossing a salad. This can be done by placing your meal into a frying pan or bowl, shaking it, and flipping the baby like a pancake out of and into it. Once the meal is nicely stretched - you can check this by hitting its limbs with a rolling pin - put the infant into a high-powered blender and set it to "smoothie", or "soup" if you feel like it - it's totally your choice!

Yay for healthy food!

After blending, smoothie-ing, soup-erizing or whisking the baby, pour it into a glass, add a straw, and voila! A perfect, five star healthly meal for a cannibal. For more recipes on "Healthy Baby Eating", visit your nearest Gypsy village and ask for the town sociopath. Go on! Do it! Silence the kids' screams today!

Some guaranteed "healthy" baby foods:

  • African Baby Soup
  • Caesar Baby Salad
  • Fat-Free Seven Layers of Infant (Chocolate or Vanilla!)
  • Baby Communion Wafer - Special for Christians!
  • Baby Carrots
  • Baby Ala Mode
  • Baby Back Ribs
  • Baby beefburgers (often eaten at Easter)
  • Kung Pao Baby
  • Cream of Baby Spinach Soup
  • Jar Jar Binks- not a baby, but who can really tell after roasting with a bit of lemon in an oven at 400 degrees, rotating every ten minutes to get that even bake?

Other uses[edit]

Baby Huffing[edit]

Please, be warned. If you are interested or are already involved in the illegal act of huffing babies, please be warned, it is not healthy for you. The babies, which holds nearly no nutrients and an over-abundance of sugar, kryptonite and argon, adds to your already hefty body weight from eating all these infants. It's your health, dumbass.

Competitive Baby Eating[edit]

In 19th Century China, Baby eating was developed as a sport, beginning at Mr Wu Baby Eatery. It quickly grew in popularity and now there is over 20,000 professional baby-eaters worldwide. The reigning world champion baby eater is PyroXiaver who attributes his natural baby eating prowess to his delightful moustache. There has been some controversy however, clouding the true origins of baby eating as a sport. An alternate theory suggests baby eating was developed as a sport in Belgium during world war one when Hitler's battalion couldn't find any Jews.

Celebrity endorsement[edit]

This controversial campaign, spearheaded by ultra-fab superstar Lee Harding, Australian Idol extraordinaire. The title, an acronym for “Idols for consuming of unwanted human offspring foundation” aims to spread awareness of this noble cause. It has been accepted in South East Asia and many other third world countries. It has also begun to take hold on the West Coast of America and in Crawford, Texas. President Bush has recently taken this ritual into the White House to much public anger. Unfortunately, Bill Cosby is also a big player in this campaign and eats babies live on T.V.

Famous Baby-eaters[edit]

Hungry Oprah grinds up helpless babies in the meat grinder, and prepares to chow down on their flesh.

Quotes[edit]

“Ooooh baby baby, What a price to pay ”

~ Smokey Robinson on Rise in price of Fresh Baby

“The other white meat...”

~ Fat Bastard on Eating Babies

“MMMMMMMMM its babies...For Breakfast!”

~ box of babies puffs cereal

“GET IN MAH BELLY!”

~ Fat Bastard on Babies

“Like I always say: save a cow, eat a baby”

~ Jesus on Babies

“I wonder what you taste like...”

~ Salad Fingers on Babies

“I love the little pink jellied babies myself”

~ Noel Coward on Babies

“We used to just throw them away then we realized a useful asset”

~ King Leonidas on Babies

“How 'bout we put another shrimp on the baby?”

~ Some Guy Down Under on Babies

“Eating babies? Who'd a thunk it?”

~ Baby-Related Topics Commentator on Eating Babies

“We accept babies in exchange for license plates.”

~ The DMV on Babies

“When Jesus was President he ate babies all the time. Or was that Satan? One of them ate babies.”

~ Granny Squid on Jesus and Babies

“...And then you add some RITZ and bake it in the oven on 800°F for 35 minutes...”

~ Martha Stewart on Her new baby casserole

“In Soviet Russia, babies eat YOU!”

~ Russian reversal on Eating Babies

“Before I eat the baby, I do something else...”

~ Michael Jackson on Eating Babies

See also[edit]


Kaeden sm.jpg
   v  d  e
Unicorn small.png•••••Your Guide To Cannibalism•••••Unicorn small.png

Alfred PackerBaby EatingBaby farmingBaby foodBaby meatCannibal CorpseCannibalismCannibalsCelebrity RoastCommunionCunnilingusDinner PartyFellatioFishing For ChildrenFlying Purple People EaterG-RexHannibal LecterHowTo Cook A HumanHowTo Cook ChildrenHowTo:Cook A FetusHuman headI Can't Believe It's Not Soylent GreenMcDahmer'sMeaty AminMike TysonNazi EatingNew ZealandPeopleRecipesSupergirlSweeney ToddUncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion ClinicUnNews Cannibalism becoming increasingly popularUnNews Cannibals StoppedUnNews New TV TrendUnNews Soylent Green DefamationWhy? Don't Be A CannibalVoreWhy? Eat PeopleZombies