Back to the Future
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“Crispy”
~ Crispin Glover on Back to the Future
“1.21 Jigga WHATS!? You've got to be fucking kidding me?”
~ Doc Brown on Black to the Future
The Back to the Future series are a set of documentaries based on the real-life adventures of Marty McFly and Dr. Emmett Brown. Doc and Marty were renowned Temporal Terrorists, using time travel as a way to sabotage various key points within the history of mankind.
Before Marty and Doc got their hands on the time machine (which was in fact a washing machine) and began changing history, the following events had occurred.
- The Germans won both wars. Twice.
- The bird was not the word
- Wilford Brimley never got the diabetus.
- George W. Bush choked to death on a pretzel.
- The American settlers were beaten by the Native Americans, who later became the most advanced nation on the planet and enslaved the white man.
- There was no independent Belgium.
- Gwen Stacey lived causing Spider-Man to retire and start his devotion to Gwen's extremities.
- Crispin Glover never kissed a girl a subsequently Michael J. Fox was never born.
- Anakin Skywalker was left as a slave on Tatooine for the rest of his days, therefore never fulfilling any prophetic roles in any sort of galaxy far, far away...
- The USS Enterprise blew up on its first mission killing all the people inside.
- The Milkshake brought all the 'girls' to the yard.
- MacGuyver was a Jew
- Tom Cruize never Became A Scientologist
- Communisim Worked , but failed because it was innevitible
- Jesus Christ survived to this day
- moo moo face
- Micheal Jackson remained black
- Colin Powell was never invented
- Sonic the Hedgehog was a snail
- All the Arab nations become Israel's bitches
- Obama became white
- Obama's financial plans seemed to work but failed because it was innevitible
- The polystyrene man was made of foam and later died of typhoid.
Other acts of terrorism committed by Marty and Doc include:
- The destruction of the golden gate bridge during a high-speed train race.
- The creation of lightning storms in order to destroy clock towers
- Various illogical skateboarding acts now banned all over the modern world.
- Increasing George W. Bush's I.Q. to 31.
- Laughing about it afterwards. Don't worry, it was put back to what it was later.
- Attempting to detonate a manure truck with hidden ################## in the town of Hill Valley but this was hindered when the town bully, Biff Tannen, crashed into the truck and stopping it from reaching its destination
- Allowed the Tsuruya family to make all their wealth by cheaply investing in every major comapany ever created.
- Made Obhama realize that his political views were wrong and communistic all because of the dick sucking media and Democrats in general. Though he ignored Doc and marty as he continued down the pathway of destruction in which brought the collapse of the United States causing America to split in half with the CIS (Confederacy of Independent States) to be victorious with Obhama's liberal states collapsing since it was innevitible even if Doc and Marty went forward in time or not.
- Went back to 1885 again and got the mayor to change te name of the county to Doc and Marty's Valley because they were bored.
- Went back to December 2 1955 and stole Biff's newly fixed car from his grandma's and crashed it into a tree down the road for a laugh.
- Killed Biff's grandma in hopes he would not go to the dance, but forgot that he hated his grandma so Biff went to the dance anyway.
- Killed Red, the Homeless Man because he called Marty a crazy drunk driver since he was stupid and did not realize that it was a time machine.
[edit] Plot
Doc's time machine, which was powered entirely by urea, was built from one of the very first Mighty Thor washing machines. It was invented by Alva J. Fisher until 1992, when Doc went back in time and stole the invention for himself. Doc went through a considerable amount of difficulty obtaining the urea required to power the machine (24.9 gallons per time leap), which led to problems for the duo when it came to getting back to their original time. When later in court, Marty and Doc blamed most of their terrorist actions on these difficulties.
Doc and Marty were finally caught on their return from 1885, having committed a multitude of speeding train offenses. Doc was charged with stealing urea from the unsuspecting public and being generally insane. He was sentenced to 45 years. Marty was accused of kidnapping and losing a young woman named Jennifer Parker somewhere in the 21st century. He was also accused of attempting to overthrow the rock-and-roll music genre, but he was never charged for this crime, as he escaped shortly after his trial with said Jennifer Parker (whom he had hidden in a briefcase). He later dumped the time-traveling washing machine on a train line, destroying all evidence of his illegal deeds and derailing a high-speed train in the process. Jennifer left Marty further down the line for a kitten-dealer, and became heavily addicted to kitten huffing.
[edit] Little known facts
- Doc came up for his idea for a fart powered time machine one late night when he hit his head on his toilet after slipping on semen.
- Not a single person knows the name of the actor who plays Marty McFly except the CIA and this man.
- Marty is wanted in 17 states for going back in time in order to murder his father (George McFly) and marry his mother (Lorraine McFly). This was not only classed as incest, but also caused a large variety of time paradoxes across the world, which took the FBTT (Federal Bureau of Time Travel) fourteen years to repair.
- During a particular trip, Marty impersonated Clint Eastwood, creator of all things. Clint later blew off Marty's hand. From Mexico. Marty was in South Carolina at the time.
- Doc was put to work in prison, but later broke out and started an underground business transporting kittens for kitten huffing. He is still at large. It is approximated that he huffs 11,702 kittens a year.
- The incredible amount of time the Doc has spent in said washing machine has led to reduced muscle movement in his face meaning, yes he does ALWAYS look like that.
- Marty is known to fuck his mom
- The Doc is actually a ninja.
- Biff Tannon died during the filming of the movie, however Marty went back in time to write a letter addressed to him warning him to use a condom.
- Einstien the dog died during filming of the Lybians attacking Marty and Doc at Twin Pines Mall a.k.a Lone Pine Mall circa after Marty returned from 1955. Apparently Robert Zemeckis thought it would be cool if the terrorists used live ammunition in their AK-47's to make the scene look more real but ended with disaster with the dog running after their van and getting shot by Lybian who feared the dog would get hit by their van.
- The Lybian's hired to play terrorists in the film were actually real terrorists after Zemeckis found them making a bomb to destroy the clock tower set.
- In 1955 Marty went back to his mom's house after he sorted everything out with the doc over changing the past and slept with her because he was actually turned on when she squeezed his knee at dinner.
[edit] See also
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