Baggy pants

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“My waist is 26 inches too!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Baggy Pants Party

Baggy Pants are not a fashion style. They are, in fact, a not-so-secret secret society. Their sexy-26-inched-waist leader, Mr. Aggy Ants, described their aim as to: ...shrink all the men's waists to 26 perfect inches, therefore reducing the amount of material, time, and exposure to my lack of perfection to make pants


The Baggy Pants Party began one day at a pant factory. Mr. Aggy Ants was sewing a pair of polka-dotted pants. They were his 10,000th pair, after working tirelessely for a month straight. Finished, he held those beauties up. Then he gasped. He recalls: could not be, but after measuring and measuring them with my waist, I found a disaster. They were 27 inches around the waist instead of 28... No! My waist is 26 inches, not flabby 28!, I work out at the gym everyday - you see these nice abs?"
Of course, this was a huge problem (the 27 inched pants, not the sexy abs), as Aggy worked for people with 28, 40, and 51 inched waists. And he had just spent the month making 10,000 pants, none that would fit either of those waists. The 10,000 pants were all an inch too small around the waist. In fact, the only sized pants Aggy could make were the sexy size he was wearing - 26 inches.

The Party[edit]

Somehow or another, Aggy managed to purposely land himself into the jail next door. After viewing the sexy 26 inch waist, all the guys in the jail decided to starve themselves (aw come on, do you really want to eat that yellow toilet paper?) to get "that sexy 26 inch waist that Aggy has". By the end of the day, the jail was filled with guys with sexy 26 inch waists. Being too sexy for the jail, they opened the door and walked out.
There was a minor problem, as jails don't like to stock pants which are are size 26. So all the inmates (well, they were now outmates) except Aggy (who had remembered to pack before going to jail) had to keep hitching up their pants as they walked. One man remembers: Well, I didn't really want to have the ladies on the street seeing the "I *Heart* Mum boxers that I'd had on for a month..."

The Ten Commandments of the BPP.[edit]

1. Starve yourself.
2. Don't buy girl's pants even though they fit your sexy 26 inch waist.
3. Wear boxers.
4. Don't eat anything.
5. Wear a sexy 26 inch corset to sleep.
6. Buy guy's pants even though they have humungus waists.
7. Keep checking your butt to make sure the pants are still hanging there.
8. Don't wear a belt. No one needs a strip of dead cow skin.
9. Resist eating the apple your anorexic girlfriend gives you.
10. Dr. Phil is the Antichrist.


- Girls like guys who are part of the Baggy Pants Party.
- Guys like girls who are part of the Baggy Pants Party.
- In fact, Aggy finally let girls join the Party yesterday, after gaining the satisfaction of seeing how it was harder for girls to lose fat around the waist.

See Also[edit]