Bamercize

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"Why exercise when you can Bamersize!" Brian on Bamersize

"Because exercise doesn't make me look like a fucking tool." Man standing near Brian on Bamersize

"*open weeping*" Brian on Bamersize

Viewers sensitive to images of an extremely grotesque nature may wish to avert their eyes.

Bamersize is the common term given to prostituting one's personal training qualifications in a shameless, money-grabbing scheme by an unrelated cleaning brand. Bamersize is most commonly recognized for its comercial featuring qualified personal trainers lifting bottles of cleaning liquid in bicep building motions while smiling as if they were not torturing, butt-fucking and ultimately burning their credability to death. Scientific studies have later revealed that all personal trainers involved were crying inside. The whoooooooole time.


Bamercide[edit]

Closely related to Bamercize is Bamercide, the process of ending one's existence in a desperate attempt to escape Bamercize. Bamercide is commonly carried out with the use of Easy-off-Bam in overdose, which causes melting off the face and asploding of the left bicep. We would like to extend condolances to all families affected by the deaths of loved ones due to Bamercide.

Other forms of Bamercide include: Hanging, Shooting in the head, Screaming and shooting in the head, Praying for it to just stop and then shooting in the head, Wrist cutting, Burning, Suicide bombing (attack usually aimed at those responsible for subjecting suicidee to Bamercize), Homicidal rampage followed by suicide (retaliation to the pure humiliation of Bamercize), and many more.


Bamercider[edit]

Inside information has informed us of a plan to introduce an energy drink linked to Bamercize. At the news our inside man promptly committed Bamercide, convinced that this was as low as he would see the world go. To Gary we say, Rest In Peace.

Bamercider is a mix of Taurine, sugar, caffeine, guarana, flavourings and the secret ingredient: Easy-off-Bam soap and scum remover. Easy-off-Bam have so far avoided legal difficulties involving the toxicity of Easy-off-Bam by using the excuse, "Aminals probably work differently to us," and so explaining the deaths of over 346 kittens during testing of Bamercider.


Bamercism[edit]

There have been only a few recorded cases of a Bamercism, defined by The Oxford...ah, who am I kidding, me, as the process of cleansing the soul of one taken by the unfathomable evil that is Bamercize. When something so disgustingly desperate as Bamercize enters the world, it may manifest itself in many ways and can inhabit the soul of a human. When such an event takes place, shit gets freaky.

If you believe you or someone close to you may be possessed by the physical manifestation of pure marketing evil, then you should immediately seek out a Bamercist. If someone you dislike may be infected, we suggest you do nothing other than enjoy watching them suffer; immensly. A registered Bamercist may be found through Yellow Pages or we reccomend Bamercists United at 405 ?Gnitirw Sdrawkcab Tahw Street, in Eastern Victoria.

Photo taken of a young girl preparing to be Bamercised. Speculation still surrounds the creation of a movie based on this Bamercism with the names of places and people involved changed.


Your Mother...[edit]

...is involved. Deal with her.


Your Father...[edit]

...is not involved. He's a great bloke actually. Say hi for me, yeah?


But Still...[edit]

...kill your mother. She can't be trusted.


Contact[edit]

If you have any information you wish to share with us about Bamercize, feel free to edit the section below with your information. If we deem this information worthy of further investigation, we WILL contact you. Don't bother leaving contact details. We know what they are... We've been watching you for some time now...


I Have Information about Bamercize[edit]

Enter your information:

You people need to get out more.

So,[edit]

In conclusion, Bamercize is a creation robed in death; the death of people, kittens and our consumer market. For any of you out there considering trying Bamercize, please...