Bangkok
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“I am going to Bangkok!”
~ A single lady on an online dating site
“One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble”
~ Murray Head
“He who walks through door sideways with erection, is always going to Bangkok”
~ Sun Tzu on Philosophy
“In Soviet Russia, kok bang YOU!!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Bangkok
Bangkok, also known as Bangcock In fact, while Bangkok is the English name for the city, its real name is Krungthepmahanakornamornrattanakosinmahinwhatthefuck suckmyblackpakistanicock,rubmyfurrynutstaraayutthayamahatalokpopnopfuckfckfuckaratratchataniburriromudongamprasit. This is the longest official place name in the world. Thais call it Krung Thep (city of angels/virgins) for short.
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[edit] History
Bangkok was a twin city founded in 1776, the Chinese part became Buangkok. (In Singapore) The story of its foundation is told in the musical Oklahoma! and Chess.
The name comes from the village of "Bangmakok", near Bang Sue (where Sue was banged). It means "Place of the olive groves" in Thai, but commonly called "Bang My Cock". Because of such humble origins, the male locals commemorate it saying "Sawasdee".
Llama the Great shortened the name to just "Bangkok" and transferred the capital from Suck-hot-Thai, the former sex capital. As the city grew, people dug canals that line the city, for smuggling spicy food directly to people's homes. However, this trade soon came to a halt as the diarrhea that resulted soon fowled the canals, for example, Klong Sean Sap.
In the last few decades, because of the open thighs agreement between countries that liberalized sex tourism and pedophilia, Bang-cock has become an international success story for upwardly mobile sex workers. These prostitutes wine and dine at the world's most exclusive clubs on generous corporate expense accounts, attracting investment from the world's permier womanizers, and with this success a gleaming new airport has been built. It's unique among major airports that it has a landing strip resembling a vagina, which has drawn controversy among some nearby residents that can't sleep because of all the moaning noise. Also, some are afraid that the hole itself in the landing strip may cause a plane to get stuck or tangled in the vegetation lining the landing strip.
[edit] Oriental Cities
The City of Bangkok while outwardly seems to be a haven of Homosexual Debauchery and a den of Chinese is actually neither, the City is in fact the home of, Built for, and used only for the annual Bob Barker Charity Chess Tournament for underpriviliged Girl Scouts, Every few days the Creme de la Creme of the Chess World decend upon the city in their flying saucers and battle for possession of Yule Brenner's Corpse.
[edit] Known Participants
[edit] Super Powers
Hard men should avoid Bangkok as it has been known to make them humble. Furthermore, the appearance of a tough guy within Bangkok's borders has been known to cause earthquakes, thus making them tumble. For some reason, citizens of the city do not seem to notice these earthquakes, nor anything else that westerns complain about. Others have reported to the assorted travel guides that the world became their Oyster merely by spending one night in Bangkok. Angels and devils are also known to frequent the area, choosing simply to walk alongside tourists.
[edit] Side Effects
- Makes the hard man humble
- Not much between despair and Ecstasy
- The Tough Guys Tumble
- Not Being too careful with your company
- Can feel the devil walking next to Me
[edit] Culinaria
The Oysters served here, especially the Golden variety have been known to house Gods and Goddesses. Diners are cautioned as there may be a risk associated with consuming raw shellfish as is the case with other raw protein products. If you suffer from chronic illness of the liver, stomach, or blood, or have other immune disorders, you should eat these products fully cooked. Retailers, please advise your customers. LR 40:5
[edit] The Lyrics:
- VERSE 1:
- Bangkok, Oriental setting
- And the city don't know what the city is getting
- The creme de la creme of the chess world in a
- Show with everything but Yul Brynner
- Time flies - doesn't seem a minute
- Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boards in it
- All change - don't you know that when you
- Play at this level there's no ordinary venue
- It's Iceland... or the Philippines... or Hastings... or... or this place!
- CHORUS:
- One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
- The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
- You'll find a god in every golden cloister
- And if you're lucky then the god's a she
- I can feel an angel sliding up to me
- VERSE 2:
- One town's very like another
- When your head's down over your pieces, brother
- It's a trap, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
- To be looking at the board, not looking at the city
- Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town...
- Tea, girls, warm, sweet, sweet
- Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite
- Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
- Whose every move's among the purest
- I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine
- CHORUS 2:
- One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
- Not much between despair and ecstasy
- One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
- Can't be too careful with your company
- I can feel the devil walking next to me
- BRIDGE
- VERSE 3:
- Siam's gonna be the witness
- To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness
- This grips me more than would a
- muddy old river or reclining Buddha
- And thank God I'm only watching the game, controlling it
- I don't see you guys rating
- The kind of mate I'm contemplating
- I'd let you watch, I would invite you
- But the queens we use would not excite you
- So you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlours
- CHORUS 3:
- One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
- The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
- You'll find a god in every golden cloister
- A little flesh, a little history
- I can feel an angel sliding up to me
- CHORUS 2
