Bangor
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| Local Anthem | No Surrender |
| Capital | Kilcooley |
| Population | 19,592,592,495 |
| Ethnic groups | Normal 16.4%,
Chav 25%, Polish 10.2%, Belfastard 16%, Lithuanian 10.5%, Hippy Bawstards 20%, Serbian 5.3%, Estonian 3.4%, Dalek 1.2%, Timelord 3%, Manx 1%, Emo 8% |
| Form of Government | Chavogracy |
| Leader | Yer Man |
| Currency | The Feg and Bucky |
| Official Language | Steek Speak m8 |
| Imports | Foreigners, Belfastards, Big Issue Magazines, Buckfast, Fegs, Convicts |
| Exports | n/a |
Bangor (now pronounced Benger) was founded 15 miles from Belfast in 945AD, now overun by Chavs in their modded chavmobiles, Bangor has become somewhat of a hotspot for drunken disorder, underaged drinking and donuts in the seafront carpark.
Formerly a beautiful seaside holiday town, Bangor is now famous for the street racing and fluorescent tube lights, undoubtedly stolen from their local education facility, painted blue in order to look like a real set of 'neons' on the bottom of their 12 year old, 6th hand Nova.
If you are into drunken abuse being hurled at you from outside Winemark, or wish to be cloberred over the head with an empty Buckfast bottle, Bangor is the town for you. There are a grand totel of 2 hotels, adding up to a totel of 3 stars for the parents, and a Borstel for the kids, where they can learn the local 'Steek Speak' and the proper way to escape the 'peelers' down 'Benger' without getting 'lefted' and getting taken back to their proud and wasted parents, who actually dont give a fuck.
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[edit] Kilcooley
Since the building of the Kilcooley estate in 0AK (After Kilcooley) and the migration of Chavs from Belfast (also known as Belfastards) to these new, luxury 2 up, 2 down terraced dumps, Bangor has died. It is thought that Kilcooley is 60000sq. km in size, and inhabits over 100,000,000,000 people, of which 6,105,215,200 are Pollish. It can therefore be assumed that the remaining 93894784800 "people" that dwell in the Kilkooly area are members of Bangor Academy, the conveniant layout of the terraced houses ensures that brother and sister alike will share the same room and can use this "advantage" to further increase the number of babies with a left lip and crossed eyes that are now living in Bangor.
[edit] Bangor Market
The daytime TV is brilliant as well. Just buy a pirate Sky Digital box from the market and tap into the paying customers lines from more upspoken areas.
The local market is held on a Wednesday morning. An obvious excuse to skip school for the rest of the week and get to browse through the stalls of fake Kappas and cigarette lighters. The Bangor folk often say they honestly don't know how the market traders make any money; First of all they gets their benefits, then buy the pirate goods over the internet from a BT internet booth (if it hasn't been vandalised by the Chavs) and then they have their goods stolen. It's a vicious circle.
[edit] Education
Bangor has three main secondary schools. Glenola Collegiate, Bangor Academy and Bangor Grammer. These are all located in the main town center, where most of the chavs who bunk off will eventually be stupid enough to walk past their school building.
Bangor Academy hosts a large amount of the towns Chavs, who usually spend time grinding down anyone who attends that actually might have a chance of doing better than them, which is of course everyone (I'm serious, get out while you still can. Why in hell am I still here??!!). In 2006 Bangor Academy decided to open their own branch of Superdrug in the school. The (sometimes questionable) female pupils would simply scrape an amount of makeup from their faces into a bucket. They would not need to reapply as there's already enough on there. Each boy would also scrap enough hair gel from their heads every morning to impregnate several whales.
[edit] Bangor Culture
Onto their Chavmobiles and Chavchicks. Does The Fast And The Furious style streetracing sound your cup of tea? Yes? Come down to Bangor to intermingle with the Carjackers and Tax Evaders who have made the Pickie Carpark their playground. They then proceed to unintentionally impregnate their Chavchicks upon the bonnet of their supped up little ‘Benger’ in full view of the decent members of the general public who have the bravery to venture out of their homes after 6pm. After some suspension carnage these leeches of society play Call on Me by Eric Prydz through their stolen IceMan beatbox, while at the same time activating their ‘leg it!’ police scanner to make sure they don’t get a ticket.
As Bangor doesn’t have much to offer for the dear Chavlings they are forced to stand in disconcerting groups outside their local ‘Offy’ provoking members of the public to buy them some 'Frasy Jacks' or 'Bucky'. If all else fails they will approach a more physically mature member of their own kind and ask them to get them alcohol as they are under 18. This usually isn’t a problem, but as we know, the Chav will probably run off with their money and buy some ‘Fegs’.
[edit] The 'Better side' of Bangor
However, there are nice parts of Bangor. As long as you stay in your own home or in Bangor West, you are safe. The McKee Clock, which is nice during the day, is actually quite decent looking if the chavs havn't 'teggd' it with there small vocabulary, for being in the middle of the Town Centre. It is highly recommended NOT going there in the evening though, as Steeks seem to like it just as much as us regular folk.
You cannot have a better side without have a substandard side. I would like take this opportunity to suggest that Bangor Academy should boast this title.
Bangor Academy is not just the 'local hang out' for the so-called 'chavs' but is also one of the main breeding grounds for them. I am not referencing the fornication, which I am sure takes place in the dank squalour that is the toilets; I am talking about the eleven and twelve year olds who enter the Academy as normal members of society, but unfortunately leave in fifth form with no GCSE's and a drug problem or there are those who had a hope that leave with mental problems such as bi-polar disorder.
[edit] Shopping
In late 2007 work began on a new HyperTesco to be built on the outskirts of the town on the same site which used to hold Springhill Shopping Centre, which was built some time in the 18th Century and never had any development work.
The HyperTesco would help the corpeation in their fight to have a Tesco within every 3 square miles of Britain and be open 24 hours.
In early 2008 the discision was made to mount a 35 mega-ton laser cannon on the roof of the new building. This was because of the increasing war between Tesco and ASDA. The Asda, in the town's Main Street reacted by once again taking over the North Down Borough Council's mind and(acting again without the townpeople's respect) built a 40 mega-ton laser cannon in the sky over Bangor, creating localised weather phases, such as raining on one side of a road and not the other. This however is just speculation. An insider of ASDA in Bangor, recently reported a loss of profit for the store in the region of 3 - 7 thousand pounds. The cause of this is still unknown however the PSNI stated that investigations were "ongoing" and that it may be possible that a "theif is on the loose". The inhabitents of Bangor now wait.
[edit] Bangor FC
Bangor is now proud to say that they have now got one team in the top flight football of Norn Iron, Bangor FC, despite fnishing 3rd in the Carnegie WKD North South Division B1 League A section, they still managed to get in, because, "their ground looks OK".
In other news, Bangor have finally stapped a pair on, and thrown Ards out of the ground share agreement, must to the amusmant of many Seasiders. Ards are now left homeless, which ties in well with the rest of the town.
[edit] Other Bangor's
Bangor, is seemingly a popular town or city name. For example, their is a Newtownards, sheep shagging version of Bangor, it is based in North Wales.
It must be noted that the Norn Iron Bangor is the REAL McCoy's Bangor, and you should accept no imitations, especially those Irish immigrant idiots in Maine, USA, where their just happens to be every Irish place name this side of Lough Neigh.
[edit] Sister Cities
- Bangor, Maine - third boxcar, midnight train - destination Bangor Maine.....
- Bangor, Old North Wales - shortest place name in north Wales
- Bangor, New South Wales - place in Australia where everything is upside down
- Bangor, India - home of the Bangor Tiger
- Bangor, Michigan - also known as
MotownHo-town (Well, Detroit and Lansing get all the good nicknames!)
