Barry Manilow
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“I tell you what, i thought that his name was Burt Bacharach.”
~ Rusty Wallace on Barry Manilow
“Does it have any difference?”
~ You on Barry Manilow
Nicknamed "Da Wrong Nigga 2 Fuck Wit" for reasons unexplained, Barry Manilow lived from February 29, 1922.3 'til September 23, 8740. He is the most famous and influential musician ever. Undebatably. If somebody tells you that, oh, say, The Beatles were more influential than Barry Manilow, strap them to a chair with their eyes taped open for seven hundred consecutive hours listening to Le c'est Maneloe and see what they think then. Huh? Huh? Try it.
Anyway, old "BM's" major contributions include the inventions of jazz, pop, country, western, rock 'n' roll, R&B, rap, and a significant addition to the baroque movement. Also, in 1991 he released Nevermind, jump-starting the grunge movement.
During his live performances he is known to sing, dance, juggle, and bench press three (three!) full-grown cows all at the same time.
There is a small sect of Hassidic Jews in Brooklyn who believe Manilow is the long-awaited Messiah. He also loves to ask people abruptly--'spare a fag??'
Contents |
[edit] Life and Times
[edit] The later early years
Barry finally stored up enough fish to buy his way to freedom, and, upon entering the bright light of his house, he thought, "that wallpaper and I are engaged in a battle to the death." So he subsequently killed it, and, invented the colour purple in the process.
[edit] The early late years
Barry Maniblow was on the town now. He met such avid socialites as Bill Gates, Oscar Wilde, and Oprah. He was never lonely again. Except for the time when he whent fishing and didn't catch anything.
He also invented Al Gore.
[edit] Late late years
Barry had invented everything he could, so he went to Mars to try to find some aliens who hadn't invented some stuff yet and was never heard from again. However, before he left, he managed to squeeze out some lyrics to the theme song of Dick Clark's popular song-and dance show, American Bonfire. Manilow also bribed the voters at for the Emmy's to defeat the undefeatable Stephen Colbert. He also now came out of the closet and declared his love for science-fiction, starting a cult called Hinduism which became a huge religion in the wilds of Borneo.
[edit] Other notes
- Electro-House Frenchies and popular Halloween costumes Daft Punk sampled a line from Barry Manilow's song "Who's Been Anally Raping A Gay Retarded Midget In My Bed" and looped it several thousand times for their disco hit "Supervillains".
- Barry Manilow was referenced in an episode of Family Guy, when four characters try to hide the shame of actually liking his music.
- In 1989, there was an incident with a pigeon.
[edit] Closing words
“Never did one man do so much yet still end up as nothing but a corny easy listening singer.”
