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Basel is the capital of northern Switzerland and of Culture in a whole. It is the place where LSD was invented, and this is what most Baslers are having for breakfast, imagining they live in a metropolis.

Most residents are old ladies with billions of cheesefranks on their bank accounts. They only spend it for art and soccer. This is why Picasso was born there and why FC Basel won the soccer world championship every year since 1798. These old ladies hate noise and therefore everbody causing noise faces death penalty - except if he's using some kind of old fashioned flute called piccolo. In that case he'd be hailed by everybody on the streets. This old custom is called Fasnacht and is being celebrated every day of the year.

Baslers are always happy, except if they meet somebody from Zurich. Baslers feel people from Zurich have bigger dicks and that this is only justified by their more advanced medicinal system. They become very aggressive and often destroy Zurich's soccer stadium and rape little dogs.

Basel is also where Israel was founded in 1899. Many people believe it is the capital of the big conspiracy. Those who probably know about it live in a big brown and ugly tower with the strange name "Bank of international settlements".

The symbol of the daily oppression is the Basler Zeitung, a newspaper that tells people nothing but the truth and really loves its readers. It's in competition with the free newspaper called 20minutes, the BaZ simply takes over the text, changes the picture and then sells the paper.

Basel is also the place where the Swiss brought all the culture they bought throughout the world.

“Hah! I fooled you! The cinnamon was actually basel!”