Battle of Cape Cod
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Battle of Cape Cod | |
|---|---|
| Part of the Mexican-American War | |
 Mexicans seize the Kennedy Compound. | |
| Date: July 22, 2007 - August 3rd, 2007 | |
| Place: Cape Cod, Massachussetts | |
| Outcome: Decisive Mexican Victory | |
| Combatants | |
| United States of America | Estados Unidos Mexicanos |
| Commanders | |
| Johnathan Archer | Ted Kennedy |
| Strength | |
| 500 | 50,000 |
| Casualties | |
| 480 | 23,750 |
| Border Offensive - Battle of Corner Canyon - Battle of Cape Cod - Battle of Corpus Christi - Battle of Intercourse - Fall of Washington - Battle of Crawford - Southwest Campaign - Operation: Hammer | |
The Battle of Cape Cod took place on June 22, 2007, in response to increasing unrest at the southern border. Ted Kennedy was suspected to be aiding the Mexican insurgents in the South with his vast wealth, and the US Government decided to dispatch a small squad of Marines to capture him. As it was in the middle of a very important senate meeting, US forces knew they could find Ted Kennedy vacationing at Hyannisport.
In an amphibious landing, they captured the entire Kennedy compound within hours, rounding up a disturbing number of illegal Mexican workers, all named Rosita. However, soon thereafter, a fleet of Mexican Warships surrounded the Cape, and an estimated 50,000 Mexican soldiers were dispatched into the compound. What followed was an onslaught of massive proportions and Mexican soldiers tried to enter the compound. While Mexican soldiers fell at nearly a 50-1 ratio, they still managed to eventually break in and free Ted Kennedy.
Donald Rumsfeld issued the retreat order and they escaped unarmed past the entire Mexican blockade, even sinking several battleships in the process. Mexican expeditions to recover the sunken cardboard proved innefficent and several hundred Mexican divers were lost in the process.
Shortly after the battle, Ted Kennedy began a calculated retreat to the southern border, where he hoped to find re-enforcements. A campaign to stop Ted Kennedy would later occur in the Battle of Corpus Christi.
[edit] Aftermath
Ted Kenedy is currently on the run, as a band of Real Americans, including Stephen Colbert, are looking to capture and execute him for treason. Ted is currently believed to be taking refuge at a Taco Bell in Kanas.
The forces of the Homosexual Army of Providencetown declared war on the United States following this battle.
| This article needs to be expanded. Though short, this article has some potential. Please expand it into a full uncyclopedia article. (see here for editing help) |
