Beach Boys

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The Beach Boys...at the beach, boys.

The Beach Boys were an influential band from the early 1960's until the mid 1960s when people proceeded to ignore them. Their awkward teenage years, spent huddled next to each other to keep warm (even though it was not cold at all) , influenced most of their early records, until drug addiction and Runescape left the majority of the band in a hallucinogenic stupor most of the time. After the band settled down, they all went their separate ways. Mike Love (not war) had at least thirteen wives that he remembers, and Dennis Wilson knocked up one of his daughters.

Their biggest hit, the insidious "Good Vibrations," was later revealed to be about using a vibrator on wife Marylin Wilson, despite being very underage when he first met her. Trying to revisit the success the boys had with this record, in 1974 he wrote "Hey Little Tomboy" where outtakes at the end try to "Make [her] a girl" and telling the girl in the song "Now Shave Your Legs now for the first time."; its a shame that more of the this paragraph is true than false.

Brian "Brain" Wilson, the founder, is also known for thinking he was a Buddhist, when in fact, he set himself on fire freebasing cocaine while introducing the Beach Boys to TM. Richard Pryor then went and stole this bit.

Daddy Beach Boy[edit]

The father of three of the five original Beach Boys was Murry Wilson, a musical non-genius who discovered talent in his gene pool and proceeded to sign it to Capitol Records, who were surfing high on the surfing craze which they surfed to financial surfcess in the early 1960s when most record buyers still thought The Four Seasons and Gene Pitney were the pitniest.

Murry was renowned for his removable glass eye, which he used to control his sons via hoodoo. He wrote all or most — depending upon which source you believe — of the Beach Boys hits, including their bad and stupid songs which were not hits because they were allegedly written while Brian Wilson was cooling his heels in his under-the-piano sandbox.

Band members[edit]

  • Mike Love - lead singer and destroyer of the band
  • Carl Wilson - guitarist and fattest one on stage
  • Brian Wilson - Sock puppet virtuoso, brewer of liquid awesome and fattest one NOT on stage
  • Dennis Wilson - lovable drunk who eventually married fellow band member Al Jardine, thinking it was his 19th wife
  • Al Jardine - So stupid, he flunked out of Dental School
  • Charles Manson - Cowrote singles for and lived with the Beach Boys
  • Bruce Johnston - Plays the most useless member of the band
  • David Marks - Quit to become or be with prostitutes. Which is unclear...

Big $Hits[edit]

  • Surfin' Surf-1962
  • Surfin' Tunes-1962
  • Surfin' Animals-1963
  • Surfin' Cats-1964
  • Surfin' Jukebox-1965
  • Surfin' 1 Dollar Note-1966
  • Cease to Exist-1968 (The band asked Charles Manson for help writing different songs, but he went to prison and they went back to the old song and dance)
  • Surfin' LSD-1971
  • Surfin' Rehab-1972
  • Surfin' The Surf Again-1973
  • Surfin' AIDS-1985
  • Surfin' Presents-1986
  • Surfin' Some More-1987
  • Surfin' Smurfs-1987
  • Surfin' (Please Stop Surfing)-1988
  • Surfin' (We Are Too Old To Surf)-1990
  • Surfin' Africa-1990
  • Surfin' Swimming-1991
  • Surfin' Charles Manson-1992
  • Surfin' Your Mom-1994
  • Surfin' The Interweb -1994
  • Surfin' Oscar Wilde-1995
  • Surfin' Richard Pryor's Mustache-1996
  • Surfin' I SAID STOP SURFING!-1998
  • Surfin' Neo-Nazis-1999
  • Surfin' iPod-2001
  • Surfin' iTunes-2002
  • Surfin' Zune-2003
  • Surfin' Smiles-2004
  • Surfin' Revisited: Son Of Surfin-2005
  • Surfin' YouTube-2005
  • Surfin' Quantum Physics-2005
  • Surfin' Asylum-2006
  • Surfin' For Porn-2006
  • Surfin' No More Surfin!-2007
  • Surfin' (cough), my aspirin!-2008
  • Surfin' Medicaid-2008
  • Surfin' Gwyneth Paltrow-2009
  • Fuck That Shit, Gangsta Style-2009 (Later retitled Surfin' Like We've Never Surfed Before after a lawsuit from the executives at Surfin' Records.)
  • Surfin' Poker Face-2009
  • Surfin' Swine Flu-2010

The Beach Boys also made great hits on other subjects like girs, summer and er ... Surfin' In Summer and Surfin' With Girls (and Surfin' Cars, don't forget Surfin' Cars).

Discography[edit]

  • Surf Songs About the Beach and Surfin' and Surfin' and the Beach and Girls (and Surfin') - 1962
  • Surf The Fun Vol. 3 - 1963
  • The Surfest Surf of All the Surfin Surfs - 1964
  • Did Someone Say Surfing? No? Ok, Sorry - 1964
  • California Surfin' Raisins - 1965
  • Songs about Politics...Haha, just kidding, Surfin' Sarcasm - 1965
  • Surfin' - LIVE!!! Because You Demanded It! - 1966
  • Horse Gag - Pet Sounds - 1966
  • 60 Minutes of Random Animal Sounds - 1966
  • Heroes and Non-Heroic Bad Dudes - 1967
  • FRoWN - 1967 (Never finished)
  • Frowny Frown - 1967 (Never started)
  • The Beach Boys Presents Their Millionth Album in Just 2 Years - 1967
  • Brian Wilson Stole the Album Title and Snorted It - 1968
  • Let's Lie in Bed for a Couple of Months - 1971
  • The Stopgap Album - 1973
  • Brian Wilson Sucks - 1975
  • Oops, Brian Forgot to Name This - 1976
  • me and you mum goin at it surfin style - 1977
  • So Charles Manson Wrote a Song, Big Deal - 1979
  • We Have Changed Our Mind About Brian Wilson - 1980
  • Kokomo (Rock Bottom) - 1981
  • Haha, Just Kidding, We Can Go Lower than Rock Bottom - 1984
  • The Beach Boys - 1985 (Mentioned here because the album was in fact a joke if wikipedia is to be believed)
  • Brian Wilson Presents: Brian Wilson Presents - 1986
  • Our Five Top 20 Hits and 20 Other Crappy Songs: All About Surfin' - 1988
  • A Tribute To John Stamos - 1990
  • Charles Manson Presents: The Beach Boys - 1991
  • Surfin' Baghdad - 1991
  • Divin' with Dennis Wilson! - 1992
  • Dignity! Don't Got It!! - 1994
  • More Songs about Surfin' and Girls and LSD - 1996
  • My Piano's in a Sandbox. Where's Yours? - 1998
  • We're Too Old to Do This Anymore - 2000
  • Beach Boys 2000: Surfin' Returns (As Crappy As Ever) - 2000
  • We Are Not Gay! We Just Like To Surf! - 2002
  • We Admit It, We're Gay...Surfin' - 2003
  • Brian Wilson Presents: FRoWN - A Teenage Symphony To A Mid-Life Crisis - 2004
  • Mike Love Presents: Crappy Poetry About Surfin' - 2006
  • There Is No Rock Bottom, There's Only An Abyss - 2007
  • Still Crappy After All These Years - 2008
  • Surfin' Rides Again: Return Of Surfin' Part XII - 2009