Beatnik
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“I was ahead of the game”
- ~ Oscar Wilde on Beatniks
“Star Date...143254...7...stars...and blacklessness....surrounding...our vessel...those lips...those hips...that scaly scaly skin...when...o when...will I...be...famous?”
~ William Shatner, first beatnik in space
Beatnik is a strange offshoot of a boheimian, on one hand they are similar in the sense that they are layabouts. The difference is all to do with ego and much more on the part of the Beatnik
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[edit] Beatnik
A beatnik is a person who engages in one or more of the following activities: listen to Jazz, sip coffee, and smoke marijuana while expressing their drug-induced state by saying "I'm in orbit... man..". Most also have a fond interest in snapping their fingers, "talking jive about karma, maaann...", and wearing moustaches and berets. Beatniks have a lot in common with French people and 98.3% of the world's Beatnik population live in a large underwater bongo complex hidden deep in the Seine.
[edit] Snap your fingers... to the beat
Beatniks, a self proclaimed group of poets, started out around the 50's....or something. They smoked a lot of pot, wrote really deep sounding stuff, and wore a lot of black to muddy their waters and appear deep. Their mass notion notion to "Ride down 66, maaaan..." was started by Jack Kerouac, co-founder of TBSOAWCNCLAR - The Beatnik Society of Americans Who Could Not Care Less About Responsibility. Get a Beatnik and a Hippie in the same room, and Hell-chickens will spontaneously generate.
[edit] Important things about Beatniks
- They subsisted entirely on coffee and other drugs.
- They use finger-snapping as punctuation. (Example: "Hey [snap] man [snap] got any junk?")
- They are usually more intelligent than the average schmuck.
- They believed that writing should be totally incomprehensible as a truly human statement of inner incomprehensibility, unfettered by societal restraints. This should not be confoosed with absurdism, which was just absurd, maaaan.
- They never could decide if they were "beat down" or "beatific," so they settled for "beat off".
- The snap was not merely a quick snap. The hand was held waist high and upturned. So the palm of the hand was facing up. And a snap was produced from this position, denoting lack of concern. Preferable posturing of execution was from whatever position the Beatnik may be in at the time: seated with arm propped, reclining (stoned). The snap never occurred higher than a mere movement of the wrist would allow.
- Oscar Wilde is suspected of being a Beatnik. However, any mention of this precipitates hot coffee in your lap and a cigarette burn to the face.
- Beatniks are created by a viral infection that is reported to be spread by bites. There are only two ways to kill a Beatnik: the first being shooting one in the head (anything more powerful than a .22 will work); the second option is to exclaim to one that Kurt Vonnegut is a cum-guzzling faggot.
- Jazz plays a major part in the life of a Beatnik. Dizzy Gillespie, Miles Davis, Kenny Burrell and many other post and pre-Bop giants are idolised by them.
[edit] Ways to know if you're around a Beatnik
- The hair on the back of your neck raises, and all you want to do is beat the hell out of someone, maaaan.
- You like black clothes, but don't like The Cure or My Chemical Romance.
- Strong smell of coffee on the bus, maaaan.
- Strong smell of coffee on the sidewalk, maaaan.
- Strong smell of coffee in the park, maaaan.
- They're wearing a black beret, maaaan.
- They are talking to you in annoying... BEAT!... maaaan.
[edit] Older version, before warning
Well, it´s not easy to talk about Beatniks, because they are everywhere. Actually, there could be one in your room right now. As a matter of fact, you could be one of them, for all I know.
If you are, please go on. Or not. You know, Beatniks like to pretend they don´t follow orders. But they do. Just for you are now reading this, it proves itself. For there are Beatniks everywhere and they follow orders.
