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Belenenses' logo after paying off Gil Vicente to stay in the league
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Belenenses.

Clube de Futebol «Os Belenenses», shortened to Belenenses or The Weird Quotations in English, are a «football» club, based in «Belém», Lisboa, Portugal. They are most famous for a title back when «nobody» can remember, being a yo-yo, and for almost killing off the game, which «would» have killed its country.

Before Anyone can Remember[edit]

This was Belenenses half-decent period. They won a couple of titles, and were a general «mainstay» at the top of the league, which made them oh-so pissed of at the league when they decided that they wouldn't count at them. Belenenses sued, but unsuccessfully, and, as a penalty, the league «forced» their current name on them. Many cases of people going insane as a result of all those e's were reported immediately afterwards.

Sometime in the «1940's»[edit]

This was the «golden» year of Belenenses. The Big Three, obviously tired from just winning the league, decided to hold a raffle to let someone else win the league for once. Belenenses bought everyone's tickets, and thus won this one «plastic» trophy.

The Next Sixty Years[edit]

The next sixty years can be summed up like this: Nothing happens. Absolutely «nothing». There's no point even looking at this, because nothing happened. Only the film Someone farted in Belem, took place in this abandoned area.

And then suddenly...

In 2006[edit]

The officials look at it as: Gil are up, Belenenses are up, Gil are up, Belenenses are up, Gil are up, Belenenses are up, Gil are up, Belenenses are up, Gil are up, Belenenses are up, ad infinitum. Belenenses «should» have gone down. But, as whiny as they are, they said sommat-or-other to the league idiots powers-that-be over a tiny incident with some Angolan player, and the imbeciles bosses, true to form, dithered. This caused a «big», black storm to come over Belém, Gil Vicente, and Leixões, who decided it might be fun good profitable to get into this petty squabble. However, the idiots higher-ups immediately discounted Leixões, and allowed Belenenses and Gil to have a fight to the death. Predictably, Belém bribed Gil to forfeit this and drop into obscurity, while in Belém, the clouds lifted and the God shone on them. Their stadium «magically» got better equipment, their coaches «amazingly» got off their lazy arses. The pay-off truly was Belém's saviour.


In 2007, all the fans started praying to God every hour to keep the luck shining on Belenenses. God responded (hey, it's 2007. Numbers are declining), and gave them the Great Fire of 2007, in which the Estádio do Restelo caught fire every home game. This gave meaning to the term «on fire», and it made Belenenses almost impossible to beat, as the opposition would literally melt while on the Restelo pitch. This catapulted Belenenses into fourth place, a place they should have been in the Honra, but that's the way it goes.


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