Benin
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| Motto: Make benefit glorius nation of Benin! | |||
| Anthem: The Entertainer | |||
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| Capital | Porto-Novo (New Port in English) | ||
| Official languages | Beninese, Portish, Newbish | ||
| Government | Hardly | ||
| National Heroes | Big Ben | ||
| Currency | Barter System | ||
| Religion | Yes | ||
Benin is one of those African countries no one really knows about or cares about. It borders Togo, Burkina Faso, Niger, and Nigeria. The capital city is Porto-Novo, which is either Cockney or Chinese for "New Port" (I'm not sure which language it is; it would take me too long to check on Wikipedia). Old Port burned down in 1967 when someone dropped a lit joint and was too lazy to pick it up. New Port was soon built and a "No Smoking" sign was put up.
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[edit] Culture
Benin is said to be ten years behind in American culture. Teenagers enjoy playing their Nintendo 64's, everyone uses Windows 95, the Spice Girls are 'hip', and Seinfeld is still cool. It's rather like a time capsule in there. Tourists mostly come for the nostalgia of the 90's.
[edit] History
The Uncyclomedia Foundation interviewed a Beninese man about his country's history. The conversation went like this:
- U:Sir, could you tell me about your country's history?
- Man:Yes, okay, what you want to know?
- U:About the History of Benin.
- Man:I don't know. I not learned this. Benin old country, it around for ever. We forget.
- U:Do you know when Benin was founded?
- Man:Well, it around forever. It year 2007 right now, and time started on year 0, so Benin 2007 years old.
- U:Do you know who the first president of Benin was?Do you have any national heroes?
- Man: No, I don't know. I telled you that already! I heard about great president man 'Bill Clinton' on television once...I think he might have been Benin's first president. Only know 2 heroes,Suhash nd Shreyaaz Talwar...tho they no beninese really,only artificial.
So there you go. A complete history of Benin.
[edit] Religion
Beninese people are free to worship their owns gods, goddesses, and deities. People are encouraged to create their own gods and sell them in tiki and sculpture form to tourists in order to increase Benin's economy. What is relatively incomprehensible to tourists is the strange caste system. Religious historians who have lost their tenure at their respective universities have determined that Bantuism, which is the chief religion of this strange little country, dictates that people are divided into lower and higher castes based on their height. while this system is fairly simple and bizarrely logical what baffles tourists is the fact that there are many different castes among a single average sized Beninese family (Average size: 1 father,2 mothers,5 children and 2 goats) This caused serious problems when chief hero of Benin Suhash Talwar was one musk rat taller than 2nd in Command Shreya "Tchqeezi" Talwar and hence qualified to inherit all the family goats. Suhash felt quite good about his sudden influx of goats. He immediately ordered half to be slaughterd and sent to ahmed and the rest to be kept for breeding.
[edit] Economy
Like most Western African countries, Benin makes up most of its economy from sending out Spam, and producing internet frauds. But this is mostly because of Benin's full-time government employed mafia. The mafia is made up mostly of orphans. The mafia is separated into two classes: geeks and theifs. The "geeks" operate the computers and send out Spam and frauds, and the theifs steal unwary tourists' cameras, wallets, shoes, hats, combs, condoms, glasses, backpacks, and anything they can get their orphan hands on. Tip to tourists: coat your valubles in something wet, smelly, and sticky if you wish to deter orphans from stealing them. Other sources of economic income include begging, taking money from those "feed an African child" programs, selling cheap souvenirs, begging, prostitution, drug sales, and selling things on the Black Market. So it's basically like the United States, but in Africa.
[edit] Benin's future
Greetings from the future my nameless faceless internet friends. I was supposed to be making a trip back to the stone age but apparently Benin 5 years from the present really isn't very different than life in the stone age and lets face it, its quicker to travel forward five years than to travel back a few thousand. To cut a long story short, owing to a sense of thriftiness I ended up in Benin 5 years from now. Benin has incredibly gone backwards--I have actually seen Beninese people de-evolving into amoeba and tourists picking these up as pets. This has helped the company to control population and improve the economy. Also, Benin is due to invade the Middle East soon in memoriam of the US's 2002-2007 invasions under the able guidance of the now feuding heroes "Talwar & Talwar"
| North Africa | Algeria · Egypt · Libya · Morocco · Sudan · Tunisia · Western Sahara | 
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| West Africa | Benin · Burkina Faso · Côte d'Ivoire · Ghana · Guinea · Guinea-Bissau · Liberia · Mali · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria · Senegal · Sierra Leone · Togo | |
| Central Africa | Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Central African Republic · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea · Gabon · Republic of the Congo | |
| East Africa | Burundi · Djibouti · Eritrea · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rwanda · Seychelles · Somalia · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia · Rhodesia | |
| Southern Africa | Botswana · Lesotho · Namibia · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Swaziland · Zululand | |
| Dependencies | United Kingdom : Gibraltar · Indian Ocean Territory · Isle of Wight · Welsh Congo (Pitcairn Islands) |
