Bergen County Academies

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Bergen County Academies is a fortress of evil that was founded by Sauron and Pee Wee Herman over 4000 years ago. Located in the barren volcanic wasteland of Hackensack, New Jersey, it was the site of one of the main battles of the Revolutionary War, where George Washington was shot and killed by attack helicopters sent by Karl Rove. In the epic Battle of the Falling Acid in 1939, the building was destroyed by a ICBM sent by the People's Republic of Bikini Bottom, led by co-dicators Eugene Crabs and Mrs. Puff. But in 1446, William Wallace rebuilt the facilities with the help of Saddam Hussein's Republican Guard and the Mossad, who collaborated to outfit it with technologically advanced weaponry and tools. Unfortunately, the Academies was also the site of the notorious Wilde Huffing of 1963, when Optimus Prime of "Bad Boy" Records huffed his East Coast bond-brother Oscar Wilde as he was busy bestowing His infinite blessings upon the school. Rumors flew that this was an attempt at retaliation for an earlier feud; as of now nothing has been confirmed.

Currently, BCA is the home of a top-secret training facility for ninjas and computer hackers. With its large population of Asians, Jews and preppy brown kids, its denizens are unsurpassed in their ability for witty comments and the power to kick anyone's butt using manaical kung fu skills.

The major divisions of the Academies include:
The Academy for the Annihilation of Stupidity and Thickheadedness (AAST)
The Academy for Enchiladas and Devilish Termites (AEDT)
The Academy for Bullshit and Floccinauccinihilipilification (ABF)
The Academy for Mutated Shitting Tea (AMST)
The Academy for Constipated Arachnids and Homosexual Acronyms (ACAHA)
The Academy for Taxidermy of Confounded Sporks(ATCS)
The Academy for Vechicular and Police Assault (AVPA)
Gay-Lesbian Extremists(GLE)

Notable graduates of the Academies include Bob Dole, Oprah, Jimmy Carter, Howard Stern, Freddie Mercury, and everyone's favorite Michael Jackson, although his attendance to the school was covered up by authorities in order to protect the attendants of the school.