Best friend of Captain Jack
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Captain Panagiotis Kouvelis –as many think- was born on the 9th of December in 1976. the truth is, that Panagiotis was born on the most hot day of June, 7 years before…that is 1969! He was born on the 6th of June in 1969 at the island of Rhodes in Greece a little outside the town Archangelos (archangel).
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[edit] First Years
Upon his first years of age, his parents had noticed a strange behavior. Even though Panagiotis was just 2 years old, he seemed never to be able to sleep at night, likewise, he would only sleep during noon and until the sun would start to set. Growing up, Panagiotis became even more strange. He used to talk to animals and plants and he spent most of his night hours drawing doodles of the stars, with what seemed to be some kind of a numeric system.
[edit] Growing Up
Growing up, even though Panagiotis was acting like somekind of wiz kid, he had not spoken his first words. His parents were really upset because he would not be able to cope with the environment of an ordinary school. Upon his 6th birthday, a strange event happened. Panagiotis said his first word. The word was ‘eclipse’. Indeed, some days later, his mother found out that on his 6th birthday, at 6 p.m. an eclipse had taken place on Jupiter, where his four large moons had formed a straight line in front of the planet. Greately spooked by this event, his parents started thinking that there are also a heck lot of coincidents with the number ‘6’ in their childs life. Deeply Christians as they both were, they started to fear Panagiotis as they combined his weird behavior with the number of the beast. A year later they gave Panagiotis for an adoption. He was adopted by a couple of an Indian woman and a Cambodian man. Therefore, shortly after becoming 7 (and have learned in one year the greek alphabet and of course, spoken), Panagiotis started spenting his life in various trips around Asia with his new guardians. Growing up in Cambodia, Panagiotis showed his first interest in Asian martial arts. He practiced from early age the art of Bokator, which was much like boxing, but was not satisfied by his achievements. He was too small to win any of his oponents so he kept failing. At the age of 11, during a trip to his ‘grandparents’ in India, he discovered a classical indian martial art of wrestling, Mallayuddha, and therefore decided to stay there and focus in the uplevel of his fighting abilities. It wasn’t many years later where he decided to start a lonely trip in order to become a master in some of the most ancient and difficult forms of Asian martial arts. During a period of 10 years (until he was 21), Panagiotis learned Bājíquán, which made him extremely adequate in the use of explosives, Tai chi chuan, and most importantly, Boabam, which tought him self defence as well as meditation techniques. It might seem a short period of time, but Panagiotis was not an ordinary young boy, he was able to learn in the fastest of ways.
[edit] At the age of 21
At the age of 21, he decided to come back in Greece to find his parents and stay close to his heritage. But this was not easy to do. He returned to Rhodes were he found nobody waiting him. What happened to his true parents is still unknown. It was the first time in his life that he realised he was no ordinary, and that he had to keep his real identity a secret if he wanted to become part of the every day Greek society. All these years of meditating and training, gave him the great advantage of covering his age, so he moved in Athens, changed his name (what?? You thought he is really named Panagiotis Kouvelis?) and formed a ‘family’ of a mother and sister that up to date, are bound and loyal to him for reasons we cannot explain. Suddenly there is a great gap of two years where nobody knows what happened, what we do know, is that Panagiotis sudenly reappeared at the age of 23, having Greek school diplomas as well as an audio engineering diploma. Living a double life was not his only secret. Shortly after he returned to Greece, high positioned people track him down and persuaded him to become a hired assassin. But since Panagiotis had far greater abilities than any other killer, he became a professional ninja. He used his previously learned methods in unorthodox ways, and perfected his powers by adopting a signature fatality move with his shinobigatana (a kind of ninja sword).
[edit] The "Abandonation of the unrighteous soul" Period
This was no life for Panagiotis. Shortly-after he realised that he had given up all his values, decided to start a new beginning. He stoped the killings and isolated himself, in what he called an ‘abandonation of the unrighteous soul’ period. He found cleansing through poetry, influenced by the works of Arab poets like Ahmed Shawqi, Khalil Gibran, Mahmoud Darwish and Chinese composers such as : Qiu Jin, Bei Dao and Cao Zhi. His works were destroyed after a great fire and nothing was saved (well that’s what he says…) After this crucial period, Panagiotis was broke. He was in desperate need of money, fast money. But he only knew how to kill people (something he promised himself never to do for a price again) and everything about sound engineering. But is sound enough to feed your stomach? He surely knew this was not the answer. So he indulged in one more unethical working environment. He became a pimp. And that was the conclusion of the co-operation with a notorious Greek rapper, who managed to get Panagiotis in the ‘system’. In a couple of years Panagiotis had enough money to leave the streets (and prestige as a sound engineer since he was working as one as well, in order to cover his filthy business). But he had thrived in gaining the respect of all the woman working for him, and this was an attribute Panagiotis would not let go without taking advantage. He once more, found himself in need of cleansing his past acts. He combined his meditative knowledge as well as his innate wisdom and managed to find his catharsis as a spiritual leader for prostitutes.
[edit] Today
Today, Panagiotis works as a sound engineer, eats a lot, has a girlfriend, friends, more friends, watches family guy and is a follower of the Pastafarian beliefs. Overall… normal. But is he really….?
[edit] See Also
- Nothing to see here...
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note: Story by Blow-Jo, Yeah!!!