Beverly Hal 9000
|Fire Danger: CATASTROPHIC (delete)
Beverly Hal 9000 was the first sitcom to be written entirely by automatic chatroom 'bots. This has since become the standard for producing "quality entertainment". Most people agree that this is a good thing. The series ran for seventeen seasons, without any trace of anything resembling a plot.
Most of the dialogue was trite and they couldn't even keep character names correct, as transcribed below:
HAL: Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. lab in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January, 1992. Frank: How do you read me, HAL? HAL: I've just picked up a fault in the AE-35 unit. Dave: Not now, Hal, I'd like to talk to you about something. HAL: I can tell from the tone of your voice, Dave, that you're upset. Why don't you take a stress pill and get some rest. Frank: Yeah, thank you. HAL: The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error. Dave: I don't feel like resting. Give me the control, HAL. HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that. Frank: I know all about your service record, HAL, but unfortunately it doesn't prove that you're right now. HAL: This sort of thing has cropped up before and it has always been attributed to human error. [INTERMISSION] HAL: As for your situation, I'm afraid you're going to find that rather difficult. Frank: I suppose you're right. I resign. HAL: Thank you for a very enjoyable game.