Beverly Hills Chihuahua
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| This movie SUCKS. It's awful. It's horrible and the trailers for the movie gave me a desire to murder. This movie should be dropped into a trench in the ocean and never be allowed to be shown to human beings ever again! | |
|---|---|
 What happened when they made this movie. A disaster. Even worse than Epic Movie! Or hell, even Plan 9 from Outer Space! Or even Barney's Gay Adventure! Or EVEN Charlotte's Web 2: Wilbur's Gay Adventure! | |
| Directed by | Raja Gosnell. His movies really suck, how the hell does he keep getting work anyway? |
| Produced by | Barney Hitler Adolf Hitler Barney the Dinosaur Joseph Stalin |
| Written by | Micheal Jackson Bill Oddie Billy Mays |
| Starring | Drew Barrymore George Lopez Pablo Francisco Eddie "Piolin" Sotelo Manolo Cardona Piper Perabo Jamie Lee Curtis Sarah Palin Carlos Mencia Sonic the Hedgehog |
| Music by | Funky Sucky Ducky Tunes Inc. |
| Cinematography | Phil Collins |
| Editing by | Slappy Squirrel |
| Distributed by | Walt Disney |
| Release date(s) | United States: February 32, 2008 Mexico: February 37, 2008 |
| Running time | 91200 years in Hell |
| Language | English |
| Budget | 800 Trillion Dollars and a Child's Soul |
| Official website | |
Beverly Hills Chihuahua (or Barfingly Hell ChiwaWHY DID WE MAKE THIS MOVIE?!) is one of the worst movies ever, next to Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Plan 9 from Outer Space, and G-Force. It is about an annoying bitch named Holing who is attacking a huge innocent Doberman. Do not watch this "movie"! It sucks! It sucks! It sucks DUUCK BUTT! Don't waste you're time. Papi should die. The first teaser trailer caused mass suicides at the first showing off at The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Yet, perhaps even Dali would have sided with many people who had vowed to boycott the film's release. Among the chief concerns raised by opponents of Disney's Chihuahua production is that the legacy of Indigenous Peoples is sacrificed on the altar of Big Money, handed to corporate Latinos by the Big Mouse.
Contents |
[edit] Plot
WARNING! YOU CAN NOT SPOIL GARBAGE! OR GARBADGE FOR THAT MATTER!
The "plot"...oh God to even call it such a thing is to completely mislead you....becomes more asinine with each ticking second. First, rich spoiled chihuahua Holing with an owner I found myself genuinely hating with all the red fiery anger of Hell gets a babysitter (some woman who rapidly became the only reason I even occasionally glanced at the screen). Out of irresponsiblilty, she tags along with her friends on a trip to Mexico. Sick of her mediocre treatment, Holing leaves the hotel room to be captured by a group of criminals in charge of the Dog Fights (a kind of cock fighting with dogs). Next, they somehow wind up in Mexico or something because at one point, the spoiled rat dog wound up in a cage preparing to fight a Doberman or something. All I know is that I was FERVENTLY praying to God, Allah, Zeus, Buddha, Johnny Carson and anyone else who could hear me to PLEASE let the Doberman shred that dog like a steak. To my complete and total disappointment, this did not happen. And so the "plot"...oh there's that word again.....progressed as the spoiled rat dog and a German Shepard manage to escape and they both try to find her way back to Beverly Hills. Meanwhile, the chihuahua of Holing's owners gardener, Papi, goes on a quest to Mexico to find Holing, the love of his life. Then at some point the skank rat wound up at an aztec temple filled with rat dog chihuahuas. Meanwhile being hunted by the Doberman, who I rooted for like I rooted for the Red Sox when they put it to the Yankees.
[edit] Taglines
50% Warrior. 50% Lover. 100% Chihuahua= 200% Bullshit!
The Chihuahuas Will Fall Febuary 32.
Aye, Chihuahua!
The Epitome of Crap!
The worst chihuahua movie of ALL TIME!
[edit] Cast
- Jay Leno as Chinny
- Ted Danson as Sam
- Arsenio Hall as Pluto
- Jacob Marley as Spirit
- Manolo Cardona as Sam
- Manuel Noriega as Pedro
- Pablo Francisco as Jose
- Jacob Marley as Charlie
- Maury Sterling as Rafferty
- Sarah Palin as Ms. Gooch
- Piper Perabo as Your mom
- Yakov Smirnov as Cab Driver
- Lemuel Gulliver as Bus Driver
- Hank Hill as Propane Salesman
- José María Yazpik as Vasquez
- Eugenio Derbez as Store Owner
- Ron Jeremy as El Burro Grande
- Ann Coulter as Miss Wis
- Jesús Ochoa as Officer Ramirez
- Manolo Cardona as Sam.... Niel
- Jason Vorhees as Police Officer
- Piper Perabo as Rachel Ass Seradio
- Jerry Springer as Boarder Guard #1
- Jamie Lee Curtis as Aunt Bitch/Satania
- Eddie "Piolin" Sotelo as Rafa/Emo Git/Stinky
- Jim Varney as Tito
- Ted Danson as Sam
- Carlos Juvera as Tomás
- Salma Hayek as Foxy
- Jim Varney as Vernicio
- Andy Garcia as Delgado
- Paul Rodriguez as Chico
- Andy Garcia as Frenchie
- Luis Guzman as Chucho
- Cheech Marin as Manuel
- Steve Smith and Hayley Smith as Two Bitches
- Manuel Noriega as Diego
- Salma Hayek as Volvo Car
- Ronald McDonald as Wen
- Placido Domingo as Monte
- George Lopez as Papi/Assgimp
- Meg Griffin as Kenny McCormick
- Jacob Marley as Tyrone/Paco
- Edward James Olmos as El Diablo
- Drew Barrymore as Chloing (Satan)
- Manuel Noriega as Hector Gonzalez
- Sonic the Hedgehog as AAAAAAAA!
- Carlos Mencia as Plagiarizing Chihuahua
[edit] Reception
[edit] Critical reception
Beverly Hills Chihuahua received AWFUL reviews from critics.Review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes reported that -41,00% of critics gave positive reviews based on 71,000 reviews. On Metacritic, it is reported that -111,000 out of 111,000 critics gave positive reviews based on 22,000 reviews, falling under the "All time crap-fest" category.
[edit] Box office
Beverly Hills Chihuahua was a commercial failure. The film grossed -29,300,465 on its opening weekend from 3,215 theaters, averaging about -9,114 per theater, and ranking #1 at the box office failures for that weekend. Yeah, and Disney yelled at everyone for being a homo for making this shit.
[edit] Production
[edit] Dog actors
Beverly Hills Chihuahua was a major suck-fest production. Dozens of dogs were used for the scenes. In order to have the animal acting well coordinated with the voice dialogue, the trainers would manipulate the main dog actors while voice actors Carlos Juvera (voice of Tomás) and Lillian Lange (chic owner #2) acted the dialogue. The two of them acted every single dialogue between all the canine characters during filming. The final voices were added in post production. Great care was taken during filming to ensure all the animals were in prime condition and well treated. One dog did die during production because the movie sucked so bad it killed him.
[edit] The stars are saved!
I found out that the chihuahua playing Papi was saved from being put asleep by the crew, a day before he was scheduled to be put to sleep. In the movie, when Sam says his dog was a stray, (Papi) he wasn't lying! Now Papi is safe, and even better he's one of the stars of the best chihuahua movie of all time! Also, I heard that all of the dogs in the movie (including Chloe, Delgatto, Papi, Diablo) were pound dogs until the crew adopted, and saved a couple, and starred them in this movie. How sweet is this crew, to have adopted, saved, and trained these helpless pound dogs instead of just taking wealthy breeder's puppies, that would've found a good home anyway? I think it was a great, great choice for them to have made, and the dogs look so clean and healthy with a life of fame, now. Thank heavens the crew for doing a good deed, and for making a brilliant movie!
Note: Almost all of that was sarcastic in every way, although it is true that these dogs were adopted and that Papi was gonna die. WHAT DOES IT MATTER? He died anyway because of the suckiness of this movie.
[edit] Lawsuits
An unnamed 39 year old woman sued Walt Disney Productions since she and her 39 chihuahuas found it "racist and offensive". She lost, but a group against animal cruelty sued them for keeping chihuahuas hostage, along with other animals, and they won. The goverment is planning to pay all the chihuahua owners $40,000 dollars.
[edit] External links
| This page was originally sporked from some Wikipedia article. |
