Original Text of the Bible 2
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Once upon a time there was a magic ninja named LlamaGuy who had magic ninja powers. He punched Trevor the Vampire in the nuts, he tore off Fox1337's shiny black nose, and he had sex with jngy slate. He also used his magic ninja powers to h4x Google and implode the universe. But LlamaGuy was invincible so he survived. Another time he was floating in nothingness and flapped to see what would happen. The splooge froze and orbits the sun even today.
LlamaGuy's most controversial moment was when he took on the magic pirate blinjas on the moon. "Yarr, nigga mateys, let's show this cracka our bling bling loot! Yoho!" shouted Captain Jackass as he threw a golden scimitar at LlamaGuy. However, the soft metal simply bounced off his shiny white physique. LlamaGuy then ate the pirates and stole their treasure. This caused a lot of controversy because pirates are badass.
The issue was finally resolved in 1812 when the moon people revealed to the puny Earthlings that the blinja pirates were really black. The Canadians were so confused that they flew planes into the White House and the World Trade Centers, causing the War of 1812. Thus Hitler's reign of terror began, as he genocided the Canadians, causing World War -1.
The Men in Black finally stepped in and used their memory device thingies to delete everyone's RAM. Meanwhile, LlamaGuy was having orgies with the moon women when he heard news of the burning of the White House. Furious, he destroyed the earth with a Ki blast.
Finally, Hitler crashed into Mars for the final showdown. He met Marvin the Martian, who used the reverse Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator to restore Earth. LlamaGuy was too fat and lazy to do anything about it, so he hired Duck Dodgers to battle Marvin on Planet X.
Hitler then returned to Earth where he made plans to assassinate LlamaGuy. By this time, all the sex and pudding made LlamaGuy so enormous that he absorbed the moon and was called the great ez. He fell on Earth, causing the Holocaust and the extinction of the dinosaurs, along with the death of Hitler and his ninja assassins.
Billions of years later, in the present, ez has grown a rocky exterior and the blinja pirates have caused indigestion, which formed the mantle. Nobody suspects anything, but soon Duck Dodgers will return to Earth and our origins will be revealed to us... in the form of the Bible 2. The End.
Damnation of Bible 2
God's highly-publicised condemning of Duck Dodgers' original Bible 2 to eternal damnation in Hell led to a lawsuit against God; with LlamaGuy and Jesus unavailable for questioning, God agreed to an out-of-court settlement with Dodgers involving him conceding his powers of Godliness to Dodgers for one hundred and fifty years. This Godliness fine ended on Christmas Day, 2004, with God quite eager for some judgment after Earth's time of relative peace under the rule of Duck Dodgers.