Bible Smoking
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“Damn, them Christians can make a fine Bible”
~ Black drug dealer on Christian bibles
“Oh, sweet Christian ink...”
~ Addicted Bible Smoker on Christian Bible Ink
“Why smoke bongs, when you can smoke somthing completely worthless and legal??”
~ Pope Bennedict XIII When drunk on church wine on Bible smoking
“It's "Damned" fun. See? I made a pun. Although puns are generally considered to be unfunny, I believe you may find this amusing.”
~ Captain Obvious on Bible Smoking
Bible Smoking is a popular pastime for those aged between -18 and 666 and is very addictive. Bible Smoking is also an easy to access form of fun, Bibles are always in cheap supply from any bad second-hand bookstore and/or motel room. The christian right has even promoted bible smoking as a safe alternative to "pole smoking."
[edit] History
It is believed that Bible smoking was first discovered when Some Crazy Ass Guy set fire to his bible for some crazy ass reason. This man inhaled the holy gases that flowed from The Good Book and was hooked for life. It is a myth that he died straight away, after inhaling the Bible fumes because he was unfortunate enough to have burned a bible that was written by the man himself. I am of course talking about the Chuck Norris. Either way, this man started a craze, a CRAZY ASS CRAZE!
[edit] Side Effects
The smoking of the Good Book can leave you with many side effects. Some of these side effects are good. Ah who are we kidding, there all bad.
- Loss of head
- Loss of torso
- Loss of genitalia
- Loss of virginity
- Loss of Bible that you were smoking
- Bible that you were smoking to be replaced with ash
- Blasphemy
[edit] Known Bible Smokers
The following people have been caught feeding this dirty habit. Unfortunatley, the poor souls who saw Christopher Walken and Chuck Norris were later incinerated by the all-powerful stares given by those two Gods, oops, I mean people.
- Crazy Ass Guy
- Chuck Norris
- Christopher Walken
- Nuns (Feeding this dirty "Habit", geddit?)
- Raul Herbert of IST
- The entire cast from Pokemon - The Movie
- Kitten Huffing addicts that are in rehab
- Any priest stupid enough to drop a candle on The Good Book
- OPHX members
- Back in the 1970s, George W. Bush was known to roll a fatty boom batty J with Bible paper. Before he joined Westboro Baptist Church.
- Bill Gates
- Jesus
